can you halp me explain Aspergers/Autism to a 12yr old

**mandy moo** · 24-05-2011, 09:37 AM

What the title says really,
I realise this has nothing to do with minding, but thought Id get moreof a response, due to heavier traffic

My 12 none SEN child, gets a cab to school and back with 2 children, child A is boderline Aspergers, and child B who is borderline Autistic.
I have been told by the driver that my son, is always having a go, shouting kicking out, being nasty to child A, for some reason he appears to have a real problem with him.
The driver has done his best and seated them away from one another, but this has been going on for a while now and what with all the problems I have at school and home with him, Ive had enough.
I guess I just want to be able to tell him so he'll understand, we're not all the same and why other people may act differently from us, As I dont seem to be explaining it in a way he understands

**JCrakers** · 24-05-2011, 10:48 AM

Its a tough one isnt it...maybe hes just had enough of having enough patience. Itshard for children to accept other childrens behaviour and although he understands the boy has problems he just cant deal with it..or maybe cannot cope with his behaviour?

My son used to have a boy in his class with ADHD/aspergers and even the best of adults would need the patience of a saint as he would constantly poke/prod/and do things to the other children through no fault of his own of course.

Everyone was kind to him and tried to include him in games but it would end in disaster

I feel its a lot for a boy of any age to have the patience to deal with sitting with the others who may be annoying him
Hope that doesnt sound bad on the poor boys who have asbergers and autism but hopefully you get my idea

Becky x

**mama2three** · 24-05-2011, 11:10 AM

Sorry , edited as went off a bit harsh and really didnt answer the question. I would be tempted to say that the boys had different ways of learning and understanding things which sometimes caused them a hard time. And that as he was lucky not to have these problems he should be able to behave nicely for a relatively short taxi ride.

**Helen79** · 24-05-2011, 12:13 PM

Could you sit with him at the computer and google it and read sites like this one together.
What behaviours is it that upset your son? Would maybe taking an mp3 in the taxi help him have his own space.

**youarewhatyoueat** · 24-05-2011, 12:25 PM

He is 12 and should know how to behave in the car regardless of anyone else's behaviour. The taxi driver is entitled to refuse the transport if his behaviour continues. I'm tempted to suggest a reward system but he is a bit old. He needs to be responsible for his behaviour.
Any chance that they could use a different taxi as in a people carrier so they have a bit more space.

**the happy house** · 24-05-2011, 12:39 PM

Did the driver make any comment as to how boys A & B behave in the car? Just wondering if there is anything that sets your son off, and even if it is anything that is ASD related anyway?

**blue bear** · 24-05-2011, 02:00 PM

Is it just your son behaving badly?

Do they see each other at school? What is the behaviour like then? Have the school got any concerns about your child's behaviour.

I would be so worried if a taxi driver told me my child was kicking out like this and would be handing out punishments.

You say you want to explain the other boys conditions, do you think this is something to do with your Childs behaviour?

Both conditions can vary so much from one person to another, do you know the sort of problems these two boys have and explain them to your son

**tulip0803** · 24-05-2011, 05:10 PM

Children with Aspergers do not understand the "normal" social etiquette of others and are very direct.

They can often stare at people because they do not understand that it is confrontational to most peoples eyes. Common problem with children
Other child says "What you looking at?"
Aspergers child says "You!" (not meant anyway other than stating the fact but to most children this is a challenge.)
Other child hits out. This is a common situation. Not saying this is what is happening just that it is common

Good books for children about Aspergers & Autism are by Kathy Hoopperman - paricularly "The Blue Bottle Mystery". She has also written "Of Mice and Aliens", "Haze" and "Lisa and the Lacemaker" all about children with Aspergers.

Kenneth Hall "Aspergers Syndrome the universe and everything" written by a 10 year old with Asperger's

onceinabluemoon · 24-05-2011, 07:27 PM

Hunny do you have anybody to help support you with your son's behaviour? It sounds as if you could so with some support yourself and a good shoulder to help you be strong enough to deal with your DS's behaviour at home, at school and in the cab. Without wishing to be personal do you have somebody or do you know where to get some help if you need it?

You need to take care of you too xx

**mandy moo** · 25-05-2011, 07:06 AM

Thanx to those that have replied,
We have been having problems with him since he was in year 1, but the last couple of years its got worse, especially the last 6mths when because of our catchment area, he started a new school without his friends in the village, who are in another catchment area in the village we live in.
He's had 'help' from outside agencys at his primary school, he was on an IEP, and a CAF, but now Im writing this Ive realised we've had no meeting with regards to his CAF from his new school in the last few months.
Im in what seems to me in constant contact with school over some incident or another.
Ive going along the Doctors route at the moment, I even took a letter with me outlining the schools concerns with regard to his behaviour etc, but he seems to think its 'his age and just a phase' hes going through!! even tho Ive said I think he ought to be refered to CAMHS or similar, but he only wants to see him once a month for an update.

The Taxi driver is very good and (has 5 kids of his own, 15 and under) does his best with them, seating them away from one another etc but understandably there might come the day when enough is enough.
Ive also been in touch with the County Council who provide the transport, they say its only another 8ish weeks and child A will be moving up to high school, this means he will be in another taxi.

Yes at 12 yrs old he should know better, when ever we have an incident and I take possesions away, ground him etc etc it just seems to go over his head, it doesnt seem to worry him at all, school also noticed this and was in the letter to the Dr.

Once in a blue moon - yes I have support, I have a parent support worker, who I can talk too - thanx

Sorry for the essay