My dd has exactly the same problem and is also 5 aswell. Because of this im sorry in advance if im going to sound harsh.
When a child has this ongoing problem the last thing they need is negativity all around them. If everywhere she turns everyone is getting upset with her because of accidents no wonder she isnt telling anyone when she has them. It may be psychological or it may be physical....who knows? Shes very unlikely to explain whats wrong if everyone around her is being so negative.
IMO less emphasis needs to be put on her when she has an accident. Clean up, say 'never mind try again next time' and leave it at that. Even if you arent saying anything negative you obviously feel annoyed and this may be coming across to the poor little mite.
Much more emphasis needs to be put on the times she does get it right. Just brush over the accidents.
Poor LO must feel terrible
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger!
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