Potty Training Problems ? Please help.

**loobyloo168** · 10-03-2011, 12:29 PM

I have a little one whos started potty training. Parents asked me what was best for me and i explained that pull ups were best as i looked after crawling babies and cleaning up wee all the time wouldnt be hygenic or practical.

They provided me with pull ups but they use pants at home.

Now when hes with me even the mention of the potty and his eyes fill up and hes practically in tears. Iv noticed hes also stopped drinking whilst hes with me.

Dad says its because he still thinks the pull ups are nappies and that i should put him in pants at mine as "he always does it at home with pants". Mum said he never did one at all last week which tells me he couldnt have been in pants all the week like dad says, and that when he goes to grandmas house twice a week he doesnt do it there either. Iv told dad to keep reiterating that the pull ups are pants and that they pull up and down like pants, which he says they do.

Iv told them both that if hes here on his own im happy to put pants on him, but if i have other children i cant until i know he will tell me he needs to go, which at the moment he doesnt at all, even the day i did have him in pants he refused to drink the whole day, and cried when i sat him on the potty.

This is my first experience of potty training a minded child, iv only done it with my DD who had pull ups and was fine with them. I know all children are different and feel that i should have told parents to have got him trained at home first before me doing it jointy with them ?

Im just getting a bit tired of Dad telling me i should be putting him in pants all the time, when he doesnt realise i have a duty to the other children aswell (let alone the cost to have my chenille sofa cleaned, which goes funny if it gets wet ! JOKE

)

Any advice please ?

**Aimi-jo** · 10-03-2011, 12:42 PM

Such a tricky sitiuation, I think i would stick with what you are doing, It is your house at the end of the day, Maybe if we get another nice spell of weather take the potty outside and let LO be in his pants and the monitor his little habbits. That what i have in my head for my little boy when the time is right he is only jus 2.
Hope it get better

Penny1959 · 10-03-2011, 01:09 PM

I wonder if this little one is ready for potty training? Was he showing any signs of being ready before parents decided he should potty train?

He if he was showing signs he is clearly getting stressed and upset by the whole thing - personally I would suggest to parents that they should just put him back in nappies and try again when he is ready to do so/ relaxed about drinking wearing pants or pull ups.

Penny

**The Juggler** · 10-03-2011, 01:22 PM

what is your policy hon, just remind them of that. Unless a child can take themselves or tell you when they need to go they are going to have lots of accidents which you can't have with crawling babies (or any other children come to that due to health and safety reasons).

**JCrakers** · 10-03-2011, 02:08 PM

How old is he?

If he's getting upset when sitting on the potty it doesnt sound like he wants to and pushing him can cause problems and fears/phobias.
Dont know the situation but it sounds like they are pushing him and not letting him do it on his own accord.....If he's not drinking maybe parents are plonking him on after every drink hes having?? Now he thinks when he drinks he has to sit on the potty?? So hes started to associate drinking with potty? Just a thought

Children who are ready are usually quite happy to go on the potty or toilet.If pushed into it they will develop anxiety and start holding onto bowels movements etc.

Could you try putting some pants on top of his pullup? This way he may feel better by knowing he has pants on?
Becky x

Edited to add: When you start potty training its always a good idea to do it everywhere not just at home...not doing it at Granny's is probably going to make it a long drawn out process.

**mummyMia** · 10-03-2011, 04:20 PM

I have been having a similar problem with my 3 year old ds. I was pushed into starting potty training with him last summer by his nursery even though I felt he wasn't really ready (he has been delayed in all aspects of his development). He was having a lot of accidents all the time. It put a lot of pressure on both of us. At first he seemed keen on potty training but after a while I noticed that he was refusing to drink anything and he started screaming hysterically when I asked him to go on the potty. He would also cry when he saw me take out a pull up and say 'mummy please, please I want a baby nappy not a pull up'. I tried positive encouragement, reading potty books and a star chart but it all seemed to make him even more upset. Eventually I couldn't cope with all cleaning up of poo anymore and was getting worried that he would develop a real phobia so we stopped. I put away the pants and pull ups and went back to 'baby nappies' as he calls them. It took several weeks before I could coax him into drinking at meal times again. Now several months on he has started to show an interest in the potty on his own and has recently been asking to wear pull ups.

Difficult situation as it is a mindee and parents are putting pressure on you. It was hard enough with my own ds

All I can say is that if he is crying at the sight of the potty then trying to force him will make it much worse.

**loobyloo168** · 10-03-2011, 06:05 PM

The little one is 2 and half.

I was told today he did 3 or 4 on the potty the last few days and he tells them he wants it, but at mine he doesnt at all and they say its because hes in pants at home and he thinks the pull ups are a nappy at monoe and that why he doesnt do it, whilst hes here.

Makes me feel like im doing something wrong.

As its my first mindee to be trained i thought we could all just do it together from the get go, but in hindsight ill definatly be reviewing my policy to say that it will have to be well established at home.

I suppose we live and learn.

**mushpea** · 10-03-2011, 07:25 PM

its not easy and if he dosent want to then forcing him to sit on the potty will just make him not want to do it even more,
I look after a very bright 3yrold who is still in nappys, parents did start to try at home to potty train so I did it at mine then one day when i said we didnt have any success today mum said oh we arent bothering at home at the moment we were hoping she would keep it up here,, well thats just confusing to the child
i do still take her to the toilet but she dosent do anything and to be honest i am not really pushing it as the parents are doing it, however I dont see how , unless they have had a week at home, potty training can be established at home before you try at yours , we are supposed to work in partnership so there fore it needs to be done at your house as it is at their house ie put him in pants at yours and see how he goes,,, if he just constantly has accidents then tell the parents you dont feel he is ready,, if it goes well and only the odd accident then stick with it. but he will be confused if its one thing one place and another thing another place

**westbrom44** · 10-03-2011, 07:45 PM

I dont actually like pull ups and have only had problems with those children that I have potty trained when using them as requested by the parent.

I have had better success when the child has gone straight to pants, providing the child is ready. I always use lots of positive praise and sticker charts.

I feel it must be very confusing for this child to be in pull ups at your house and pants at home.

**loobyloo168** · 10-03-2011, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by westbrom44

I dont actually like pull ups and have only had problems with those children that I have potty trained when using them as requested by the parent.

I have had better success when the child has gone straight to pants, providing the child is ready. I always use lots of positive praise and sticker charts.

I feel it must be very confusing for this child to be in pull ups at your house and pants at home.

I am positive with him aswell. I make a game of it get the potty books out, lots of encouragement but he wont have any of it at mine (or grandparents house). Its only at home he will use the potty and tells parents he needs to. I have had him on his own and used his pants and still he wont, he actually goes to his bag and gets the pull ups out.

I was told today i had to consider the other crawling children aswell for health and safety reasons.

**JCrakers** · 11-03-2011, 09:21 AM

I would stick with the pullups
Theres nothing worse than wee all over the floor and little ones crawling in it if you havent noticed.
I wouldnt want wee all over my floor so I always insist on pullups until we have got to the stage where they are confident to use potty/toilet properly

**nat222** · 11-03-2011, 12:11 PM

I agree with a comment from above that children need consistancy and if you dont all work together then it can be very difficult as its too confusing for the child. You all should really be doing the same thing. its difficult as parents say he uses toilet etc but i personally would say that if a child shows intrest in the potty you would incourage this and after nappies have been changed you will incourage use of toilet but until he does any thing on these their isnt a point in you using pants at your home. But as weather gets better you could put in pants if you spend alot of time outside in garden as the accidents wont damage things but again that depends if the child gets distressed with this or not. Also it depends on how parents approach accidents as i have seen many parents go mad at the child when they have accidents and make child worry. Just use lots of praise when hes with you if he uses toilet or potty and hopefully it will reassure him abit.

**pinkbutterfly** · 11-03-2011, 12:24 PM

Have you/the parents considered using reusable training pants? I'm all for reusable nappies and all sorts and all my own children used them so reusable training pants was a natural progression as opposed to putting them in pants straight away. You can get ones made of fabric all over so it doesn't have a nappy feeling ... mind you they will not hold a full wee.

**mama2three** · 11-03-2011, 12:42 PM

Im not a big fan of pullups either tbh , but may well change my mind when potty training mindees as opposed to my own children.

It doesnt sound like he is ready - but if parents insist then could mum bring their potty to your house when he comes , it could be something as simple as yours not being comfortable.
If theyre happy to hold off til summer when he can run round outside in just pants and tshirt it would be much easier for everyone.