what would you do?

[adele1985]

ok girls thanks for all your support and advice, im now getting very anxciose about telling the parents and what will she be saying to the parents, I cant do anything about it if she wants to tell them sepratly, all i can do is tell them on my own, my partner said he will be there to support me but I have no idea how im going to start to tell them. The problem I have is in my friends mind i made the dission I didnt want to do it in my home anymore and left her in the ****. In my eyes yes I did say I didnt want to do it in my home anymore but once we had been to view the first property which was basically 2 small units with no carpet or kitchen ect I said to her I didnt think it was a good idea and we should just carry on doing it in my home untill we found somewere more appropriate, her responce was well ive made my mind up and im going for it its up to you what you do, after that the landlord or the units we viewed said he had another offer for us which was the other property (where she is opening her nursery)
We went to view this together and after talking it over with my partner we decided it wasent really in our best intrest to go ahead with it as it needs alot doing to it still, its not a property in its own right its half of the landlords home ( he used to run a b and b from it) and 800 a month is alot of money to pull out.
This is when I decided I didnt want to do it in partnership anymore as I feel that she had already made her mind up she was going to go ahead with her plans no matter what I decided.
What would you say to parents in my shoes, obversly I dont want to be unprofessional and start slaging her off to me the parents dont need to no the ins and outs of it all but I have no idea what she is going to be saying to them, I would hinestly be happyer telling them sepratly as I feel if we do it together we are just going to start to disagree and the parents dont want to see that xx

[caz3007]

Its a shame that you cant both sit down and say to the parents that you are parting and that you are both offering childcare but each in a different format. You will be offering a more standard childminding service and your partner will be offering a more nursery style service. Then ask them to approach you individually to chat about their expectations and the terms you are each prepared to offer them and take it from there.

Its a shame that its got to the stage that you cant part company amicably and work together to hopefully split your current children and families in a way that everyone is happy with.

Could you not ask your partner to sit down and talk about this all amicably and the fact that you feel its up to the parents to make an informed choice on who to go with. The parents may also decide to make a totally new start.

It all seems to have got soooo messy

[Goatgirl]

Hi ,
My concern about the one to ones was that your friend would do exactly this: 'blame' you for the disruption and try to 'poach' the mindees for her nursery. If she's not out to poach them though I shouldn't worry what she's going to say. And to be honest, the more professional you stay the more impressed they'll be and likely to want their children to stay with you.

I don't think telling the parents all the ins and outs of the arrangement is wise and personally I think that if I was a parent with my child at your setting I would be more impressed by a childminder being honest enough to tell me about the new arrangements early without trying to get me involved in a slanging match.

It sounds like your friend feels 'betrayed' by you not wanting to persue the nursery idea. But you have to do what is right for your family and a nursery wasn't for you. There's nothing wrong with that. She's just being immature.
Can't you point out to her that you initially offered to continue at your own premises, so she made the final decision to split? The fact you now want to work on your own is really as a result of her attitude and behaviour since. The bottom line is you want different things and it would be nice to work together till the end of the partnership on good terms, even if the friendship is damaged beyond repair.

Anyway, back to teling the parents. I'd tell them when you want to; stay professional and give them the bare facts. You want to stay home based. Your friend wants to move on.
Do you have separate parents? It seems silly to each have a separate chat with each family? I'd be elbowing myself to the front of that queue!

If you have your own parents then in your position I think I would tell them sooner rather than later. They'll appreciate the heads up and your professional approach too.

Just had another thought; Maybe you and your friend can draught a letter together which you both agree on? then any arguing can be out of sight of the parents and the letter will be their first impression, so there'll be less room for the friend to try and paint you in a negative light afterwards. She'll just look petty.

Bws,
Wendy

[caz3007]

Just had another thought; Maybe you and your friend can draught a letter together which you both agree on? then any arguing can be out of sight of the parents and the letter will be their first impression, so there'll be less room for the friend to try and paint you in a negative light afterwards. She'll just look petty.

Bws,
Wendy

I agree this is a good idea. Then it gives the parents the chance to think through the different options before approaching you to discuss things further. I think this is the route I would attempt to try if I was in the same predicament. It would then look much more professional

[mama2three]

This is also what I was going to suggest. A letter now that you can both agree on , and inviting parents to speak to each of you regarding the services , terms impact on them as a family etc. Maybe take on a temporary assistant to help families til the nursery is up and running - might be the olive branch your 'friend' needs to act more professionally , will get you some income and keep the goodwill of the parents.
Good luck x

[The Juggler]

I agree about the letter in fact I would sit said friend down and ask her what it is she wants out of the split re: families/children she would like to approach. Then see where you can compromise. Explain to her that you did not want the arrangement to end just that you were not keen on the premises she has chosen. That she went ahead without you shows this was not ever going to be a partnership.

Tell her you are glad that she is following her dream and wish her every success but that right now you both need to come across professionally to the parents (i.e. put forward a neutral and non-biased reason for the split) or it will damage both her reputation and yours.

Suggest the letter flora mentioned and I think it is brilliant idea to get you writing it together so you decide on how you construct the argument and reasons. Then really try to persuade her to meet with the parents together, talk them through it and then you can give them the letter to confirm the conversation.

Hope it goes well hon x

[adele1985]

okay so ive thought alot about what all of you have said about the business name and logo for the car......and im now thinking i did get the bad end of the deal, ive put it to my friend that she can keep the car and ill keep the storage or we can split the storage and sell the car and we split the profit. just waiting for her to get bak to me now

[adele1985]

just thought id keep everyone informed. We both had a discussion today about closing in may and i really can see her point of view as shes not got registerd or anything so would basically be out of the job in May. We have talked and ive told her i really dont want to fall out and suggested that from may she would be welcome to still work here and just come out with a weekly wage then it will work best for us both as if i needed to be off for any reason she could take ober and she woudent have to work all the hours as she does now so would be able to concentrate on her business more. What does everyone think

[caz3007]

Adele, if you are compromising then so must she. I would draw up a written agreement right now about how you are going to tell parents, both of you together and not her on her own.

[snufflepuff]

I think you are being too nice!
Sounds to me like she wants a steady income while she sets up her own business, then she is going to go off in to the sunset taking your car, accounts, resources and mindees with her, without a second thought for you!
Maybe i'm being pesimistic but I think you need to look out for yourself, nobody else will!

[rickysmiths]

just thought id keep everyone informed. We both had a discussion today about closing in may and i really can see her point of view as shes not got registerd or anything so would basically be out of the job in May. We have talked and ive told her i really dont want to fall out and suggested that from may she would be welcome to still work here and just come out with a weekly wage then it will work best for us both as if i needed to be off for any reason she could take ober and she woudent have to work all the hours as she does now so would be able to concentrate on her business more. What does everyone think

Hi Adele1985

I wouldn't do this because you would then have to employ her and that is the last thing you want to add to all this. It does seem she is using you to her advantage and you are being too nice.

Frankly it is tough that she hasn't got her act together and behaved a little better toward you.

I would write a letter to all the parents at once, how many do you have between you? I would explain the situation very briefly giving notice from the end of April. if you do it no you still have time to give 4 weeks notice and still have some time off over Easter. I would have the week beginning 2May off, its a 4 day week and say you are opening your Childminding business on Monday 9th May. Invite parents to come and discuss future arrangements on an individual basis and tell them how many vacancies you will have and thet you will ahve to offer places on a first come first served basis. I would also offer to help the other parents find alternative care if needed. I would then sign contracts and take 4 weeks fees deposits as soon as possible.

I think you have gone beyound the point where you carry on until the Nursery is open and from the sounds of it your friend would have tried to take all the children anyway without a thought for your income so why should you worry about hers now?

It sounds as if you need to do a spreadsheet listing every single resourse or asset you bought from the business account for your work including the car and its value. It is completely irrelevant that you don't use it, as others have said it is probably the single most valuble assest. You then split the assest in half. You may have to sell the car and split the cash for it to be fair. You will need to both sign that you agree to the split and how it was made again listing what each of you have had and its value. That way there can be no comeback in the future. When that has been done then split the balance in the Bank Account and close it. You should not use it for your childminding and nor should she for her Nursery.

I would strongly advise you do all this and seek the advise of an accountant and get a final set of accounts done for each of you up to the end of April. Then there can be no arguement and at least you have proper accounts done and she will have a set of approved accounts should she need them for the new business. As you were working in your house you keep originals including her final accounts so if the tax man asks questiond you have all the info.

You have to be strong in this, it is your house, you dictate the rules. Oh and the day the business finishes change the locks on your house and include this as a business cost for the end of the business.

Good luck!

[Mouse]

How far is she through the registration process? There's a lot more to opening a nursery than getting a registration certificate. What if she's not ready by May? Unless she's a long way through the process now I'd have thought she'd struggle to be up & running by then. Why doesn't she get registered at her own house for now? It shouldn't be much different to a childminder moving house.

[adele1985]

Shes just waiting for her registration to come through, ive told her from the 2nd of may its not going to be little starts childminding its going to be little ladybirds childminding, and she wont have anything to do with the day to day running of it as it will be my business. what do you girls think about employing her or telling her to go self employed and just take a weekly wage ( we wont be going 50 50 from may she will be getting paid an hourly rate) would you employ her or tell her to stay self employed. not sure how holidats ect would work

[kindredspirits]

i'd do neither tbh. you don't usually get the option to walk out of one job and into another. Just say you've looked into it and you don't want to have all the legalities of employing her and you don't think your insurance will cover her to be self-employed on your premesis so you're going to just have to cut ties.

[The Juggler]

i too wouldn't employ her. too many implications of that. But if you don't already employ her then she must be registered already - no???

I think I've misunderstood. Is she NOT yet a registered minder. I thought she was and thought it would be fairly straightforward for her to register now in her own property. If you mind and move to a new place then it's not normally that difficult to get the new property registered as long as it's not in a major state of disrepair?

If she's waiting on registration then I can see how you would feel as to terminate the partnership now would put her out of work. I wouldn't be easy with that either. But as you say you can lay down how things will work and good for you for doing so already.

Give her a month's notice hon, that's all she would get in a normal job.

[adele1985]

i too wouldn't employ her. too many implications of that. But if you don't already employ her then she must be registered already - no???

I think I've misunderstood. Is she NOT yet a registered minder. I thought she was and thought it would be fairly straightforward for her to register now in her own property. If you mind and move to a new place then it's not normally that difficult to get the new property registered as long as it's not in a major state of disrepair?

If she's waiting on registration then I can see how you would feel as to terminate the partnership now would put her out of work. I wouldn't be easy with that either. But as you say you can lay down how things will work and good for you for doing so already.

Give her a month's notice hon, that's all she would get in a normal job.

Hi hun she is a registerd childminder from my home, shes waiting for the registration of the new place ( which is going to be a nursery) to come through. We had a chat about it all today and I think she is going to get her own house registerd and mind from their untill the nursery is ready to go.

[Rubybubbles]

nothing to say just ekkkkkkk


hope everything works out how you want it to! On days I feel like I haven't seen an adult this will remind me why it's good to work for myself only lol!

sorry, I know that doesn't help

[mufftie]

just read through this , wow

what alot to be going on in your home , if youve got enough children to be spending that the kind of money on your business then no wonder you dont feel its your home any more , your partner must be very understanding to say the least !

well done on getting so many children in so quickly after registering , im sure you will sustain yourself very well once on your own and i wish you all the luck for the future and your 'friend' with her nursery as it must be hard for her aswel and i can kind of see her point about being jobless whlist waiting to be registered . good luck

[The Juggler]

Hi hun she is a registerd childminder from my home, shes waiting for the registration of the new place ( which is going to be a nursery) to come through. We had a chat about it all today and I think she is going to get her own house registerd and mind from their untill the nursery is ready to go.

right ok then. what she is saying is what I was going to suggest that you insist she does. she doesn't need to wait for the new premises to be open and registered. she can just register her own home now - , it should NOT be more than a formality and then you can both move on.

[buildingblocks]

Firstly I agree with what everyone else has said

lol well we had another fall out over when to tell the parents. I told her i wanted to do it asap and she didnt so i said we would tell them in april which she wasent happy about.

Tough it should be about what you both want not her

I just assumed we would be telling the parents all at the same time and we would do it together so we both have the chance to say what we wanted to. She has decided she is going to tell parents on a one to one basis and she wants to tell them on her own.

It is not just her decision to make if you are in partnership surely you have a say I would say that you need to send out a letter to the parents from both of you.

Im really not that botherd all im going to tell parents is we are splitting ways shes opening a nursery and its up to them where they go from may.

It sounds liek you are being far more professional than she is and I am afrid personally to me it sounds like she will be trying to take hte children from behind your back otherwise why does she need to speak to them one to one without you being there - I originally read this as you were both doing this one t one with parents

I dont fell they need to know the ins and outs of everything thats gone on and im not going to ***** about her as its not very professional really. What she is going to say to them on the other hand is a diffrent matter.

You need to stand up for yourself (easier said than done I know) and state your views and as I said if you are a partnership you should be ending the business together and if she was being honest there wouldn't be a problem