Hi All
Havent been on for a while, just been super busy and exhausted.
I am looking after lots of lovely children plus my own 3 and should be finding it all very managable but am just feeling completely overwhelmed and fairly down if I am honest. I work 7 til 7 4 days a week (50 hours)
My husband works 18 hours a day mon to friday, and about 6 hours a day each weekend day, managing a house and my 3 children (2, 6 and 11) at 3 different schools is a full time job especially as I have zero support from my husband. He uses the house like a hotel. He is lovely and tries to help and be supportive when his is here but being out of the house so much (all the kids waking hours mon-fri), it is like being a lone parent, with 3 kids and a full time job. I gave up my own career 8 years ago to be at home with the kids and have only worked part time since the. Given my husbands working hours I needed to be here for them.
I also have a horse. My one and only escape. I bought him 6 months ago when I started to lose who I was in all of this. I feel like I am living a life sentence accept for the time that I am at the stables. My horse has to be looked after the 4 days per week that I work 7 til 7 and so I only get to see him 3 times a week for a few hours. At those times I feel so relaxed and happy and dread going home. The horse costs me a fortune and (in part) forces me to work the long hours but I think I would be more miserable without him. Yet tortured having him sat there doing nothing whilst I pay for him to be looked after.
I just dont want to work. I want Time to be a mum properly without my kids constantly having to share me and my home with the mindees. Friday evenings are the worst (can you tell!). I have no patience left and everyone is tired. And I end up being sharp with my own kids and lining the mindees up on the sofa with a book at 5.00pm ready to go home.
I feel stressed, desperate and generally unhappy. I dont think it is necessarily the minding job as truth is I love the children I look after, I just feel so overwhelmed and dont know if I can carry on.
Please help
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