having a bad day and need a hug..!

[charliegee]

hello all

hope you don't mind me posting but just wanted to vent really!

bad start to day - parent arrived 20 mins early at 06.40.... only a quick "sorry I'm early" and just walked in.....constant screaming from a very over tired / over excited little one ever since....tantrums.....kicking.....hitting....

this child has been with me for a while and is going through what parents describe as "terrible twos"......

I know this sounds awful and some woudl say I should expect it in this job but my sofa is ruined from child jumping on it......carpet ruined.....doors slammed.....

I'm just at the end of my teather and it's only half nine!!! x

[angeldelight]

Hello of course no one minds you posting

He is obviously allowed to jump on furniture at home then if he thinks its ok to do it at your house so start with this
Speak to mom and ask her to work with you - you take him off the sofa for example when he does this at your house and she does the same at home

You must both have the same rules other wise he is just going to get confused

He obviously knows it gets him attention too

How do his parents deal with this behaviour - ask them and work out a solution together

I really feel for you - its worse too if parents do not support you
Makes your job so much harder

You also need to nip it in the bud about her arriving earlier
Ask her if she wants to change her contract times because she is early - if she says no then tell her you will not be available earlier than the contracted time

You need to take control of both the parent and the child - stay strong - you can do this

Sending you lots of hugs and hoping your day gets better

Oh meant to ask do you have other children if so what is he like with them ?

Angel xxx

[mummyof3]

I'd use the line ;i'm not insured before contracted time' it does help when you have a persistent early attender

I'd also be very firm with the little one and tell him you will not put up with him jumping on your furniture and disrespect of your house. I know he is young but I'm sure he will understand a stern voice.

You really need to talk to mum about their behaviour and ask how she manages it at home. You might find she just lets them get away with it for an 'easy life'.

Its not nice when your day is spent dreading the moment they arrive and every hour feels like 4! Sending you lots of

[Mouse]

What a horrible start to the day.

I would write mum a letter saying that she can't just turn up early without prior arrangement. Tell her it's against Ofsted/insurance regulations to have a child on the premises before their contracted time - a little white lie maybe, but it often works

As for mindee, set the rules & be firm. It would be great if parents worked with you, but I find they don't very often. You tell them how you're going to tackle things, they make the right noises about doing it at home as well, but they never actually follow through with it

I know people talk about mixed messages if the child has different rules at your house & at home, but from my experience, even really young children soon learn that they might be able to do some things at home (eg. jump on the sofa), but that they can't do it at your house. And just because your a childminder, you shouldn't expect your furniture to get damaged.

Be firm with him, stop him from doing things that you don't want him doing (lift him down, move things away, distract him with something else), then praise him when he's doing something nicely, or when stops doing what you don't want him to do.

If all else fails and you need a couple of minutes breathing space, don't feel bad about strapping him into the buggy for a few mins. Give him a book to look at, a toy to play with, or put some music on for him to listen to. It'll give you both a little while to chill out.

Good luck & I hope your day gets better.

[angeldelight]

What a horrible start to the day.

I would write mum a letter saying that she can't just turn up early without prior arrangement. Tell her it's against Ofsted/insurance regulations to have a child on the premises before their contracted time - a little white lie maybe, but it often works

As for mindee, set the rules & be firm. It would be great if parents worked with you, but I find they don't very often. You tell them how you're going to tackle things, they make the right noises about doing it at home as well, but they never actually follow through with it

I know people talk about mixed messages if the child has different rules at your house & at home, but from my experience, even really young children soon learn that they might be able to do some things at home (eg. jump on the sofa), but that they can't do it at your house. And just because your a childminder, you shouldn't expect your furniture to get damaged.

Be firm with him, stop him from doing things that you don't want him doing (lift him down, move things away, distract him with something else), then praise him when he's doing something nicely, or when stops doing what you don't want him to do.

If all else fails and you need a couple of minutes breathing space, don't feel bad about strapping him into the buggy for a few mins. Give him a book to look at, a toy to play with, or put some music on for him to listen to. It'll give you both a little while to chill out.

Good luck & I hope your day gets better.

You are right there

The little boys I have does things at home that even he knows he can not do at my house

Its about being firm from the start I think they soon get the message

Angel xx

[charliegee]

thank you so much for your support and advise - really appreciate it.

....sorry again to rant, just having a really hard day

(kids now aside me watching some mr tumbles after lunch! -me having a nice cold diet coke!!!)

Little one in question has been very much pushing the boundaries all day but what is really getting to me is that my things are being ruined.....I am trying to be firm, ignore bad behavour and praise good but inside....I'm thinking how much I prefered it looking after baby mindees

(Hope no one things I'm terrible for thinking that!)

Ahhhhh.....I know tomorrow is another day though and I sometimes find (not sure if anyone else does too) but if I ever have a bad day....a good one comes along which makes me love my job more than anything

...I will def be saying to parent about insurance / hours.....must admit this parent has crept earler and earlier of late...

goodness knows what I'd do without this forum! xxxxxx

[angeldelight]

thank you so much for your support and advise - really appreciate it.

....sorry again to rant, just having a really hard day

(kids now aside me watching some mr tumbles after lunch! -me having a nice cold diet coke!!!)

Little one in question has been very much pushing the boundaries all day but what is really getting to me is that my things are being ruined.....I am trying to be firm, ignore bad behavour and praise good but inside....I'm thinking how much I prefered it looking after baby mindees

(Hope no one things I'm terrible for thinking that!)

Ahhhhh.....I know tomorrow is another day though and I sometimes find (not sure if anyone else does too) but if I ever have a bad day....a good one comes along which makes me love my job more than anything

...I will def be saying to parent about insurance / hours.....must admit this parent has crept earler and earlier of late...

goodness knows what I'd do without this forum! xxxxxx

He is testing the waters and seeing how far he can push you
Let him know that YOU are in charge

Good luck hope your afternoon gets better

Have that chat with parent too

Angel xx

[Trouble]

or maybe even craving attention

[bexcee]

Wow you have had an early start to the day, I am barely human at that time of day never mind ready to start work. I suggest a strongly worded letter to the parents stating contracted hours and treble fees for hours outside of your working hours (ie before 7am)

As for the behaviour etc it is something that you and the parents need to work on together, to agree on boundries and acceptable behaviour. It's not right that your house is getting ruined through childminding. We are expect a bit of 'wear and tear' but not damage as such.

Hope he has worn himself out by now and you can have some peace and quiet for a bit.

[mrs c]

Start charging extra. I had one dad who arrived earlier and earlier and now I charge extra I find I don't mind him coming sooner.
I have also had children who jump on my sofa but remained firm and they eventually understood that it was not allowed in my home.
Parents and children both push the boundaries - its your business and your home and you need to make a stand.

Good Luck

[miffy]

What time should they start?

I'd only just have got out of bed then! I agree charge them extra for the early starts, that might make them come on time or simply don't open the door until your start time - they should quickly get the message then!

Hope you're feeling a bit better now

Miffy xx

[terrydoo73]

Oh I really feel for you - I had a similar bad start to the day.

I look after twin mindees and my attitude always has been to get them in and out of the car together but mum doesn't do this bringing one in at a time to my house - result the first runs out before she get the second in! My solution has been to use the little gate I have to keep him confined in the living room. It was like all hell broke loose this morning when I did this - he started screaming and throwing all the toys around. I couldn't go near him as he it was very dangerous. I just stood back and ignored him! His mum gave him a shout but it didn't do the trick - the other brother just ran into another room seeing the danger! Mum left very quickly and I went into the bathroom just to show him I wasn't giving him any attention! Within 2 mins he had calmed down and was playing happily with a tractor - I even got a smile!!

This same little boy is constantly pushing the boundaries with me and doing things like you describe - mostly involving wrecking my furniture and toys. I cannot abide the jumping on the sofa and my attitude is always telling them "this is not a trampoline!" I have had to pull the sofas away from the window now other wise they would have climbed up the sofa, onto the window and open it and be out into the yard - they do actually do this at home!!

I know when I go to groups I am on tender hooks the whole time and seem to spend more time telling my two to not do things but it is the only way they will learn and shows that I do actually are rather than ignoring them!!

[gegele]

when we have first meeting with parents and we talk about lat pick up and drop off i always say to them that :

if there is an emergency by all mean i will look after you lo in the middle of the night if needed but on the day to day basis I WON'T OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE 7!!! I have a 12h day in front of me and i won't fonction any earlier than 7!!!!!!!
i smile but look at them in the eyes with my dark look so they know i mean business ah ah ah ah ah ah ah hah aha h

for the kids be CONSISTANT, regardless of what parents leave them do at home it's part of live to learn boundaries at different place!

[Ripeberry]

6.40am! Just add your 'unsocial hours' fee onto it (the full hour!) Then that will teach her to come before 7am

[The Juggler]

hope your day got a bit betterxxxx

[Tina O]

I thought it was just me who had days when you really have to think is it worth it????? but then something will happen and the 'sunshines' again

[charliegee]

oh my word you have made me smile - just logged on and seen your lovely messages! - makes it so much better having this forum and people who understand!

my day was supposed to start at 7am and I did say at pick up about insurance and I got an apology.

child got very challenging again at pick up and I was very very glad it was the end of the day I have to admit

am hoping for a better day tomorrow

Thanks so much again for your kind messages xxxxx

[helenlc]

Do what I did yesterday and answer the door in your PJs without your face on and with your hair not brushed!!! They will soon let you know if they are coming early!!

My LO is supposed to arrive at 7.30 - which is early enough for me!! But their car isnt working and Mum is getting the train so asked if she could drop him at 7.15. Said thats fine. Dad is working to fix the car so hopefully only temporary. She has been texting the night before to check its alright to drop at 7.25 but actually arrives at 7am!! Wednesday she didnt text, so I stayed in bed on purpose and when she knocked at 7am she had the surprise of her life!! Dont think she will do that again in a hurry!!

He is 2 1/2 and is having AWFUL tantrums - which makes him coming so early even worse! His main triggers are not wanting to share and wanting his own way. He gets really possessive especially of the toy cars - so much so that yesterday I didnt even bother getting them out!! He screams so loudly it fills the whole house - and on Wednesday he did it at soft play and EVERYONE turned to look!!

What is this child's family set up like ie siblings? The LO I have is a second sibling but his older brother is 13, so he is almost like an only child. He is mums second child but Dads first. I think he gets away with murder at home. His language isnt as good as it should be for his age so I think some of his temper is frustration.

But I do feel for you. I really do. I also look after another 2 yr old and a 15 mth old and some of his behaviour rubs onto them. They copy what he is doing.

I dont think it helps that whilst my own 2 children were not angels, they never had mega temper tantrums so its still a learning curve for me.

All you can do, is be consistent. Tell the parents what you will be doing in the sense of expectations of behaviour and dealing with unwanted behaviour. If they chose to do it at home, all well and good. But if they dont, you can still get him to follow your expectations at your house. When LOs say here But mummy lets me do it. I just say calmly Thats fine, but you dont do it at Helen's house. They will soon learn!!!

Good luck. Please PM if you want to let off steam - maybe we can help each other thru it!!