What is a reasonable amount of time to expect a 4 year old to eat in?

amirose · 16-10-2009, 05:00 PM

I have a 4 year old mindee whose driving me and the other kids I look after mad. Been looking after him a month and its the same drill everyday. Today for example, chicken, penne pasta and sweetcorn.

4.26pm give him is tea,
5pm still over 3/4 of it on his plate so tell him at 5.10pm TV goes off,
5.10pm TV goes off
5.30pm there is still at least 3/4 of it on his plate - throw half of it in the bin (

) and give it back to him and tell him if he eats that he can have his dessert
5.48pm he must of eaten at the very most 2 bits of pasta I said enough is enough he wasn't going to get dessert because he had taken too long so he said he wasn't going to eat what was on his plate - so that went in the bin too

He just seems to sit and stare at his food, its so irritating. His mum tends to feed him at home

So I am thinking if I get a reasonable amount of time to eat in my mind I can then time limit before he loses his dessert. Then, in future, I won't tell him his lost dessert until his finished. Have to do something as its just ridiculous.

**OrlandoBelle** · 16-10-2009, 05:11 PM

Poor you. I know exactly how you feel as I had a 4 year old like this earlier this year. Him and his younger brother used to mess about so much at the dinner table and would rather sit there giggling (at nothing) than eating. I tried everything from bribing them with puddings, splitting the two of them up so they couldn't mess about... you name it. The younger one would always eat his dinner though. It used to take over an hour for the eldest to eat a quarter of his and then he'd whinge he'd had enough. I think he was just lazy and was used to parents feeding him.

I used to reward the younger brother with a sticker when he had eaten all of his - an extra special gold one if he cleaned his whole plate. This seemed to sink in and soon the older one began to eat. There's no puddings until plates are empty in my house too.

I hope he gets better soon. I know how frustrating it can be!

**jaja** · 16-10-2009, 05:13 PM

am mean i wont let the kids have more than 30 mins, the food goes cold and i yuke...... my dd is 4 and takes less than 30 mins for main and pud drink.... another mindee is 3 and she eats within 15 mins.... my 7 year old takes forever but then he doesnt eat much anyway....

i would speak to mum about it and do not feed him, this would keep him delayed, hows he going to manage at school? mum needs to be made aware of what is happening so that she can help this lo.......

good luck xxxx

**Hebs** · 16-10-2009, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by jaja

am mean i wont let the kids have more than 30 mins,

i'm the same and they get even less time to eat lunch in school

from the age of 3-ish i encourage them to eat quicker to prepare them to eat lunch in school as i think they only get 10 or 15 mins to eat

**Pudding Girl** · 16-10-2009, 05:41 PM

What does mum say? I'd be suggesting a quick snack to mum and that she gives them main meal at home.

And turn off the TV!!

**sue** · 16-10-2009, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by Pudding Girl

What does mum say? I'd be suggesting a quick snack to mum and that she gives them main meal at home.

And turn off the TV!!

l agree TV is turn off before meal time here and back on once everyone has got down from table

**georgie456** · 16-10-2009, 06:38 PM

my 3 and a half yr old mindee eats SOOOO slowly - he drives me mad! When I am trying to get him to finish the lunch he has been eating for an hour because we will be late for pre-school he just plods on!!!

I now give him a time limit and then it gets taken away.

It is almost physically impossible to eat a banana as slowly as he does - it truely is a talent!

**little chickee** · 16-10-2009, 06:40 PM

I would suggest giving him half the amount you are giving him at the moment - calmly explain that he is to eat at roughly the same speed as the others - when everyoneelse has finished just ask him "are you going to eat your dinner?" if he says no remove the plate and tell him he can leave the table - no fuss, no bribery, no stress - if he eats -good, if he doesnt - no big deal.

Just let his Mum know if hes eaten of not. Maybe with less fuss and attention he will gradually learn to eat - this worked with my son who was dreadful at eating as soon as the stress and fuss disappaered he started eating more and more - took several years to get him to eat the same as eveyone else though!!! patience, patience, patience.

**Helen79** · 16-10-2009, 05:46 PM

I give about 30mins too for main & pud.
I've they've not eaten all or had a good go at the main they don't get pudding.
It's so frustrating when they take ages.

I would try turning the tv off to begin with & give him a smaller plate.

**Alibali** · 16-10-2009, 05:51 PM

I had one lo who was collected at 5pm so dinner was about 4.20-4.30, we always have a cooked meal and fruit or yogurt for lunch so she wasn't ready for dinner. She was so slow and didn't eat so I ended up talking it through with parents and agreeing to give her snack instead and then they give her dinner at home. I no longer do dinner for any of mine and I feel it is really important for them to eat together as a family at home especially if parents work full time.

Oh and definitely no TV during meal times

**Winnie** · 16-10-2009, 05:58 PM

Turn the TV off before serving dinner, i think you will be pleasantly surprised how quickly the food will dissappear.

**Princess Sara** · 16-10-2009, 06:01 PM

Turn the telly off for a start! No child will sit and watch telly AND eat their dinner (unless you have my mindee 3 who just eats and eats and eats!)

30 minutes is a perfectly normal time to allow a child to eat a full meal. Because of his age I would explain to him before any food is served that he has 20 minutes to eat his meal and if it is all gone/good amount then he has another 10 minutes for a dessert. Don't talk about it while he's eating, just leave him to it and take the plate away after the allocated time.

TheBTeam · 16-10-2009, 06:20 PM

Same here, I think that 30 mins is enough in general, i allow a bit longer if they are still actively eating. I took 3 weeks to get a child down from 1 3/4 hours for his packed lunch gradually down to 20 mins as he needs to do it in around 10-15 mins for school which he starts in January so we are now slowly showing how to open some of his packets, which should shave the other 5 minutes or so off of the time.

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 17-10-2009, 02:57 PM

I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.

As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.

**Rubybubbles** · 17-10-2009, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by DebbieS26

I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.

As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.

use a egg timer much cheaper

Good luck with the eating! my dd gets 30 mins then it's gone

she has really lost her appitate of late, butjust finished a growth spurt so putting it down to that art she was eating LOADS

**Daftbat** · 17-10-2009, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by DebbieS26

I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.
As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.

My friend grandma used to use her microwave as a timer and it didn't do it a lot of good! However hers is an old one - perhaps the newer ones can cope with nothing in whilst its on. The egg timer is cheaper though - no electric

**The Juggler** · 17-10-2009, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by Daftbat

My friend grandma used to use her microwave as a timer and it didn't do it a lot of good! However hers is an old one - perhaps the newer ones can cope with nothing in whilst its on. The egg timer is cheaper though - no electric

I blew up one in our holiday cottage doing that! I never knew what would happen. I use the oven timer at home for all sorts of things.

LOl

**youarewhatyoueat** · 18-10-2009, 06:27 PM

4.26pm give him is tea,
5pm still over 3/4 of it on his plate so tell him at 5.10pm TV goes off,
5.10pm TV goes off
5.30pm there is still at least 3/4 of it on his plate - throw half of it in the bin () and give it back to him and tell him if he eats that he can have his dessert
5.48pm he must of eaten at the very most 2 bits of pasta I said enough is enough he wasn't going to get dessert because he had taken too long so he said he wasn't going to eat what was on his plate - so that went in the bin too

He just seems to sit and stare at his food, its so irritating. His mum tends to feed him at home

I've just read this again and if that was my child and had been treated like that I would be quite upset. Perhaps its the way its written but at 5.30 you tell him etc I think thats awful. I'm not critisising but I can just imagine what my son would be like at that time after school etc. He would be tired and want me.
I would def have a chat with mum about likes etc and see whether he would be better with a good snack and dinner at home.
I wouldn't be offering after school meals without a dining area, easier to go with a good snack, and you get the idea about the tv.lol
I had a slightly older child who would also take about an hour to eat his dinner but he always ate it all but was very slow I had to put his dinner on the table half hour before my own children as it drove them nuts. It was easier to not offer meals in the end, he had a snack and went home with mum for dinner it was so much better.
Good luck.

**loocyloo** · 18-10-2009, 07:25 PM

my 4 yr old DD is the worlds slowest eater!

BUT a kitchen timer is amazing ...

she has proved to me she CAN eat fast! she just prefers to talk, and talk , oh, and talk !!!

we currently have a no talking rule at mealtimes, as although i like to use them as social times, as everyone sits round the table to either have tea or snack, they were taking forever with the chatting, so until half term we are on 'no talking' ... and then will see what happens! but meals are getting eaten so quickly, and with much less mess!

**Louise_Oaktree** · 18-10-2009, 09:04 PM

It's only my opinion but I think you need to chill out a bit and just ignore this a bit more. Definitely turn off the TV and sit together, I have a small table for the little ones I move around the place so all can sit down together if not enough room on big table, but perhaps he just isn't hungry or doesn't like the food? Not all children will be open and honest about this...

I have a little girl who doesn't have hot meals at home (well not unless you include hotdogs) and we just have a hot meal once a week or every now and then. Other days we will have sandwiches as everyone likes this and they seem to eat them quicker. They can also choose their own filling and help prepare them.

I think you could be making the situation more stressful than it needs to be. I have a 1 year old who just doesn't eat much at all. He would not be fed and only ate finger foods, some weeks he has a fish finger every day but then some days he will eat peas and a couple of forks of cottage pie, now 2 months on he lets me feed him weetabix or rice krispies at breakfast and eats most fruit chopped into small pieces. He still has his fish fingers but I supplement with other nutritious foods too. If he eats it great, if he doesn't then I just throw it away and forget about it. If he eats something new we have loads of cheers and praise and he joins in clapping for himself

Make sure Mum knows he doesn't eat but don't make a big thing about it. As long as you offer the balanced diet if he doesn't eat it it's not your fault.

I suspect Mum may be giving him his dinner once they get home and perhaps it is something 'better' so he is saving himself...I had one of those who got Macdonalds and pizza etc on the way home so hardly ate anything with me.