Mindees dad has just died, what should I do?

TheBTeam · 10-07-2009, 12:32 PM

Don't know what to add to what has already been said. but didn't want to read and run, the poor children and family, life is so cruel sometimes!

**Adiamond** · 10-07-2009, 01:36 PM

Sending big hugs your way

x x x

**loocyloo** · 10-07-2009, 04:13 PM

thinking of you and the family.

xxx

**angiemog** · 10-07-2009, 04:21 PM

Thinking about you..... what an awful shock. Sending a big hug xxxx

**miffy** · 10-07-2009, 04:25 PM

Such terrible news.................... hope you are OK?

Sending hugs

Miffy xx

**zillervalley** · 10-07-2009, 04:39 PM

Hi

so sorry you and your mindees are going through this
i had a similar situation some 8yrs now, a mum died and the funeral was the day before my mindees 10th birthday

I did go to the funeral and offered to be there if mindee thought she could not go through with it, I stood at the back of our local church but in sight so mindee saw me , she managed very well I have to say,

JUST OFFER TO BE THERE ANYTIME

**essexgirl1967** · 10-07-2009, 05:43 PM

Firstly, thankyou all so much for taking time out of your busy days to reply and offer advice, it really is much appreciated!
I decided not to say anything to my 2 youngest children or any mindees this morning before school, but to text their parents during the day ( all the mindees parents know each other well) and explain that their children may pick up on the upset, but that I was attempting to keep routines etc the same as usual, and was hoping to tell the minimum amount of people possible. However.... the family obviously told the school why the girls weren't in school today and the headmistress announced it in assembly at 5mins to 3pm to all the pupils. I arrived to do school pick up at 3pm and was greeted with hysterical children who couldn't believe the news. Some of these children are only 4 and we've had all the questions tonight about 'will my daddy die too?'. Really feel that this could have been handled by the school in a better way.
On a practical note, the girls were leaving next Friday to go to schools nearer their home. They live about 7 miles away but attend my local school as its close to mums work place, and was the best choice at the time. Now as the eldest moves to secondary, the youngest is moving to a more local primary. Attending the funeral could be a nightmare to arrange as I don't drive and depending on when it is will have lots of other mindees booked in, but would want to go if I felt I was needed if that makes sense. Really feel the school had no need to tell all the pupils especially as they only had another week at the school anyway. My own DS is now angry I didn't tell him before school ( I told my teenagers as they saw me crying and are at the age where they start imagining terrible things if they see that I am upset) x

**pinklady** · 10-07-2009, 07:03 PM

Such sad news. Just wanted to send hugs.

**helenlc** · 10-07-2009, 07:37 PM

So sorry to hear the bad news.

I agree that the school could have handled it better and perhaps just told the classes that the children were actually in.

Lots of good advice has already been given.

If you were closer I would offer to help you out with mindees - I am about 20 minutes from Lakeside but in Kent.

Maybe some books from the library might help the younger ones to comprehend it. Maybe some of these might help:
http://www.stchristophers.org.uk/page.cfm/link=153

I found these also:

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/...y/griefwar.pdf

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/c...children.shtml

http://www.restingplacebooks.com/Art...WithDeath.html

http://www.jasonsplace.com/profiles/...dren-cope-with

Best wishes for you and everybody concerned.

**Nicki L** · 12-07-2009, 05:32 PM

How awful, i havent anything else to add, everybody else has covered it all.

Just wanted to send hugs to you and the family.

**Cazz** · 18-07-2009, 11:34 PM

Catching up on posts and saw this. Just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your mindees dad.

How is everyone doing now?

Sending big hugs to you all.

Carole x

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 19-07-2009, 08:13 AM

Hope your son is now on speaking terms with you - he probably felt that he should have heard if from you but you did what you thought was right so don't beat yourself up about it.

**essexgirl1967** · 19-07-2009, 04:12 PM

Hi, thanks again for all your replies. Yes son has now calmed down and managed to have quite a sensible conversation with him ( he's 8) about why I tried to protect him. Unfortunately, details have now emerged about mindees dad's circumstances that make the situation very complicated. Without saying too much on an open forum, I have been 'shut out' to a certain extent by mindees mum as it appears mindees are totally unaware of exactly how their dad died. Very awkward situation. I have written to mum offering full support etc and offered to have mindees on funeral day if they can't face it, but feel undecided about attending the funeral which is this week. Will update during the week.... xx

**jaja** · 20-07-2009, 02:37 PM

I went through this about 5 years age, my mindees mum died and dad wasnt on the sceen, nana and grandad stepped in and took over and then moved the children 12 miles away to get away, the kids were a mess but coped in their own way, being there is all you can do xxx