3 yr old cries if 1 yr old cries!!

**LottieLuLu** · 09-02-2009, 10:43 AM

Please help, I'm looking after a three year old girl, an only child, who is lovely, articulate, charming and chatty unless any babies cry near her. Then she cries and refuses to do any activities, even watch a DVD. This has been manageable as I've only had a little one for one day a week and older child goes to school in the afternoons.

However I'm having trial month with another part-time one year old and older child has been in hysterics since little one arrived. She's not even happy if I hold her and the baby at the same time.

I really feel for her as she's such a sensitive soul. her mum has said to just ignore it, she went to a nursery when she was smaller and was just the same but I find that impossible as she wails, then sobs quietly to herself. I've tried singing, story books, setting her up to do puzzles on the big table, praising her for being so big etc etc.

I've talked about feelings, there being enough love and cuddles for lots of children, babies crying as a way of letting us know what they want etc.

In fact the baby cried for 5 mins when his mum left and older child is still sobbing!!

Some ideas please!! I did think for a chart with stars.

**Daftbat** · 09-02-2009, 11:32 AM

I used to have an older child who cried whenever we got home from school for no apparent reason. I tried everything to comfort her but tried to carry on with some practical things at the same time - loading dishwasher to something mundane like that so that she saw that i had her attention but was still getting on with things. After a while she just started to help me instead of crying and i also noted that when i went out of the room the crying subsided.

This child was old enough for me to talk to and tell her that i had noticed it stopped when i was away from her so was she just wanting my attention rather than me giving it to someone else. After i had this chat with her things were a lot better.

Its difficult depending on the age of the child but i tend to just keep reassuring them but carry on with whatever i need to do. Sometimes cuddling makes things worse. Of course you need to do all the cuddling as well but often children know which buttons to press and you need to break the cycle - attention but not exclusive attention at times works.

Hope you manage to ease the problem.

**katickles** · 09-02-2009, 12:54 PM

I had this same thng rencently with my 2 year old mindee & baby mindee. It wasn't just when the baby cried that the older mindee would get upset, it was every noice & even just the fact that the baby got dropped off that would set him off.

I agree with Penny. I found that by giving the older one to much (that sounds harsh I know) attention, it just made him so much worse. I again would try to explain why the baby would be making a sound ie she's happy & playing, but would also try to make it seem like I wasn't playing upto the fuss. This way after some time he did realise that by crying & screaming all the time he didn;t get my attention, but when he was nice & calm & playful he'd be lavished in it.

It did take time but we got there in the end & now he's more than happy playing away with the baby.

Good luck x

**LottieLuLu** · 16-02-2009, 01:38 PM

Sorry been really busy, i appreciate your replies. things are a little better, I guess she is so used to being the baby at home thar she's horrified when the little one comes into 'her' space.

Other toddler has started wanting to get in his buggy if the baby is in a pram/buggy......they are all so sure that their needs are paramount!