seperation anxiety

[miss mopple]

My new mindee has had 3 days here now and has pretty much screamed constantly through all of them I can't move away so much as a foot and they are crawling after my and screaming blue murder.

Its reallly getting to me

Luckily my other mindee and dd2 have been getting on with playing nicely while I deal with him but I have so much craft etc that I want to do with them I just cant because of the screamer. If I sit at the table him he's into everything and the others get frustrated.

Any tips on how to help him get over it?

All suggestions welcome as its driving me nuts. I've just had to pop him in the cot for a break from it and I'm just praying he sleeps.

Fortunately DH has just been and got wine- think I may need it later!

[mandy moo]

Hiya
Sorry to here about your screamer, have you told his mum about this yet?
Could you ask her if Is like this with every one he stays with (ie grand parents, baby sitters) when shs not with him
Does LO have a favourite toy or comforter at home that mum could bring with him.
How old is the child, how about sitting LO in the highchair if he/she old enough and them him/her watch or give a few toys to play with.

sorry I cant be much more help?

[don the duck]

i have the same problem as u. after 8 weeks my mindee was getting there. the crying wouldnt be so bad and there was a great improvement. due to illness my mindee has been at home with his mom for over a week and hes cam back worse than ever. he just wants picking up. walking around constant. and hes been comforted by the breast at home...
My son says xxx crying again mommy. I could also do with some advice and miss mopple ur not alone.

[sarah707]

I really feel for you. I've been there - I now have a nice little boy to look after but for months he screamed the house down.

Only you know your own tolerance levels.

Be honest with parents and ask for their support and help.

Sending hugs xx

[acorns]

I've the same problem with a 16month old (with me for 6months) and a 6 month old (with me for 2 days). The baby I can cope with and it's to be expected for a while as he too is comforted by the breast at home (keeps pulling my top ). At the mo, i am just cuddling him and as I have three the 16 month old is worse than ever as I'm not comforting him as much as I was. I find him more difficult to tolerate as it has gone on for so long, I have told parents, they have no answers just say he is hard work so i've decided he has until end of Jan to calm down and get used to all of us. Honestly, when we are out if we have to stop for a second he had a tantrum, at home if I say stop, he has a tantrum, if we are at toddler group he has constant tantrums, if he just wants to he has a tantrum etc etc. So I really feel for you (bu sorry I don't have the magic answer else I would have used it!!!!!!!!!!!)

[haribo]

ive got this at the moment with my 18 month old , but its only begun since she sadly lost her mum she wont let me out of her sight ad also wont let even my own grown up daughters who she loves, pick her up or play with her. i just give her lots of cuddles and attention but if i have to see to something else i try and let her stay close to me. i realise this is different from the usual s. anxiety and am just hoping when she realises im not going anywhere she will grow out of it . i think in any situation like this patience is the key, if they see you get worked up it can affect them more , if you try and stay matter of fact it can reassure them ( hopefully so they dont feel the need to scream!!) so try and act calm even if you dont feel it ha ha x

[miss mopple]

Thanks guys, its good to know I'm not alone. Sending extra hugs to you and your mindee haribo- it must be so hard.

Its just so hard to balance everything isn't it ?

In the end this afternoon I left half hour early for the school run, hoping he would nod off in the car. He didn't sleep but loved being in the car and was quiet as a mouse the whole time As soon as we got home he kicked off again though

Oh well, I only have other mindee tomorrow and I'm taking him to see santa so am looking forward to an easy day We wrote letters to the big man 2 weeks ago and they got their replies today so the timing is perfect Can't wait

[sammy]

i have a 11 month old and literally since 5 months ago he hasnt stopped crying yet, its not tears, just a noise but its almost as if he has now got a bad habit that he cant break. He used to scream the house down CONSTANTLY for about 1 and half months, 4 FULL days a week!!! wouldnt settled if held, put in car, fed, spoke to, toys - literally NOTHING would settle him- Hes mum said well at least hes not sick (as when visiting other cm he would make himself sick, this is when she was looking for the right person)

Anyway now he will cry (no tears, so i just called it a crying noise!!) when put down, and as soon as he is picked up - thats it not a peek!!, but im certainly not holding him all day - been there and done all that even wore the sling!

Hes mum said he is very clingy with them, and im not sure the dad can handle him half the time. But why is it i get the nightmare ones!! my house was sooo lovely and peaceful, now its full of screaming. I have 3 other boys myself and i dont think its fair on them as they have to listen to his constant winging every time i go and play with them too. On top of that i also mind another 6 part time - they are all very easy.

I have left him to winge but he just sits there (has only just started to crawl to me now) he certainly doesnt give up and will carry on and on and on.

Im not sure it helps as hes mum speaks her native language, but talks english to me, but other wise i reckon 90% she speaks urdu. which might be part of the reason but i have NEVER met a child like this, my husband even went to pick him up as he was crying on the floor with toys, whilst i made dinner, and the baby turned his back on him, literally turned his whole body away.

Just so strange, can anyone explain if this child is normal??

[roseybev]

it will get better might take a while i took on a year old mindee who screamed all day i could not move i found the more i tried to help her the wrose she got i ended up putting the buggy up in the room and found that she was happy to sit in it .think she felt safe ,she has being coming for 6 months now and we still have some days that are realy bad but i found that if the buggy is up she will climb in and settle down ,why not try something like this it worked for me i also increased her from 2 days to 3 and that helped to .

[Mollymop]

I have a little boy who cries when his mum leaves him but he is ok after she has gone, but i can't help feeling i am doing something wrong, and he hates me after all he comes 3 days a week for 4 hours since Sept - but he still does it. And mum says she wonders why, even though I point out that all the other children ar eok and he is fine once she has gone. I think it is just he wants to be with you (his mum)

I feel for you, hun. I hope it stops soon xxx

[cher25]

Hi, sorry to hear the little one hasn't been settling so far. My now 16 month old mindee started with me when he was 11 month's old. The first week i had him he screamed and screamed for hours. My bf said he was a nightmare, didn't help that he was on nightshift that week though and trying to sleep.lol
The 2nd week wasn't much better to start with but by the end of the week id get a couple of hours peace from the screaming before he started again.
However now he is the complete opposite! He try's to shut the door on his mam or dad when he arrives and when it comes to leaving, well he screams the minute i say come on let's put your coat on for mam! Yet he leaves happily with dad. I am now left feeling bad about the way he goes on for his mam's sake. His dad doesn't believe he is as bad as she say's and tries to tell her that she is just feeling guilty for working. It's pretty much a no win situation.
Give it a bit more time and hopefully the child will settle with you.
Good luck.