A member needs our support

**Bevbeetle** · 07-11-2008, 09:25 AM

oh that is terrible the poor family also poor minder when my gran died my son was terrible and went into school and asked them what to do they suggested a memory box he carrid it every where for months but it worked.

**devoncm** · 07-11-2008, 09:26 AM

How horrible for you and the family.

Dont really know what to say,

When my grandad died and i had to tell my children, they were 7 and 3 then, i tried to explain that the angels needed him in heaven and that their little brother could see how well he looked after the girls he wanted grandad to go and look after him.
I told them that although he is not here for them to see he will always be watching and be very proud of them. We still now say good morning and goodnight and its been a over a year.
I think as they get older and accept their mum has gone they will probably ask more questions about it.

I would check with a family member if not dad for what to say as some may think its not your place or may think it easier on them if you say something but you dont want to say one thing then someone else say something it will be more confusion for them.

hth

**Blaze** · 07-11-2008, 09:31 AM

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_...+bad+elf+books

This is a great book.

**Rasharoon** · 07-11-2008, 09:39 AM

So so sad.
We had a Mum at the local school who died near enough a year ago of toxic shock syndrome leaving behind 3 children (the youngest wasn't quite a year old).
The children go to a childminding friend. The youngest is too young to understand but is always looking at pictures of his Mum, while the daughter (I believe is 7 or 8) understandably still gets upset. They have the continuity and I suppose it all takes time of going through the grieving process.
Such a tragic situation. Please send lots of hugs.

**Twinkles** · 07-11-2008, 09:42 AM

What a sad situation. I don't have words to help but I will keep them in my prayers.

**Mollymop** · 07-11-2008, 09:44 AM

I am so sorry to hear this. I have never been in this type of situation before, but I can imagine it must be a very terrible time for you and of course the children you look after.
My prayers are with the family at this sad time.xxxxx

Hugs and kisses to you xxx

**Saranotts** · 07-11-2008, 09:45 AM

I unfortunately haven't got any words of wisdom to pass on, as I think it has all been covered but I do want to say that this family and minder are in my thoughts and I hope, that they are able to get the help they need in this awful time.

Sara

**Pauline** · 07-11-2008, 09:46 AM

Not been in this situation, the only similar one what when my sister in law died and left my brother with 3 children 8, 5 and 3

I suggest you phone some kind of breavement councellor, you can do it privately and don't have to give your name, they would give you some helpful advice and details of other agencies you might be able to contact.

Have a look at the Cruse website, thank might help too:

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

**yummymummy** · 07-11-2008, 09:50 AM

What a tragic situation, the whole family need counselling asap, my best friend died of breast cancer and was so brave in fact too brave, she hid it from her children together with her husband. When things were bad the children were told mummy was ill but were unaware until the day she died that this was likely to happen. There have been problems since as nothing was talked about, no real farewells etc. I saw a television programme which was about the wonderful but heartbreaking work that is done helping children with the grieving and acceptance process after a parent has died. I cried the whole way through it but it so helped the families. Hopefully this family will have been offered this kind of support or perhaps you could make discreet enquiries if it is available and suggest it. I know it is such a hard time, I went through it with my friends family, wanting to help but not overtake or overstep the mark.
I hope you can be of support to them and I am sure you yourself must be upset and shocked too. Thinking of you all.

**loocyloo** · 07-11-2008, 09:56 AM

sending love and prayers to this family and their childminder and everyone involved.

no advice, except my father was killed in a road accident before i was born, and my mum has always had a photo of my father around, and we have always talked about him. so i don't know any different.

i think the idea of making memory boxes with the children and for the baby, with their memories now, and memories from other people, would be lovely. although hard and emotional to do so now.

hugs to everyone.

loocyloo xxx

**cuddlybunny38** · 07-11-2008, 10:07 AM

I also would suggest treasure basket, I have one after my parents were killed ina car crash,( I was 36 when they died though) or a scrap book of photos and memories or letters fron the 5 year old of his memories/ feelings. Also try to work along side other parent/ gaurdian incase they dont want this. Also does the minder need to see a grief counsceller(sp) she would of had a relationship with the mum and have her own grief to deal with ontop of the childrens. She may not be able to have time off to grieve as you would if you worked else where. My thoughts are with her if she needs someone else to chat to she can pm me.

**sue m** · 07-11-2008, 10:07 AM

Just to say the family and everyone involved are in my thoughts, what a tragic thing to happen. Thinking of you all. x x x

**Ripeberry** · 07-11-2008, 10:14 AM

What an awfull situation to be in. Those poor children and father and of course the CM.
Could have easily happened to me a couple of years ago, was on my way to pick up my eldest daughter from the childminder and some

old man pulled out from a side road right in front of me and i had to swerve very wide to avoid him.
Shook me up a bit and my CM made me sit down and have a cup of tea before she would let me drive back home.
(((((Hugs))))))) for all involved

**Blaze** · 07-11-2008, 10:16 AM

Just tried to call & the number no longer works...sorry...some great suggestions been given though...some websites that might be of interest.

http://www.wihb.scot.nhs.uk/Palliati...ereavement.pdf (second page specifically)

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/f...nding_of_death

**cal** · 07-11-2008, 10:17 AM

This is so sad.
I lost my first husband when my eldest son was 18mnths old.
We always talked about daddy and had photos around, my son would walk round carrying a photo of the three of us together.
It was difficult, but we took one day at a time and dealt with anything as it arose.
My thoughts are with all involved
Love Carolyn x

**sharons** · 07-11-2008, 10:32 AM

How very sad it has brought a tear to my eye no advice but thinking of you keep smilling for the children.

**miss mopple** · 07-11-2008, 10:33 AM

How heartbreaking.

My thoughts and prayers are with everybody involved

xxx

**samgeordie** · 07-11-2008, 10:36 AM

im really sorry I have no advice as i have never dealt with a situation like this, however I just had to reply and say my thoughts are with the family and also the childminder at this time, terribly sad.

**Mags** · 07-11-2008, 10:36 AM

How very sad. I have never been in a situation like this so can't really offer any advice as such. The family are going to need as much love and support as possible and the childminder is probably going through lot's of emotions herself too..it's good that she is talking to Sarah.

Thinking of you all.x

**angeldelight** · 07-11-2008, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Mags

How very sad. I have never been in a situation like this so can't really offer any advice as such. The family are going to need as much love and support as possible and the childminder is probably going through lot's of emotions herself too..it's good that she is talking to Sarah.

Thinking of you all.x

I agree

Thinking of you all at this sad time

I would imagine it would be good for the children to be around their family also - dad - nan and grandad - aunts - cousins - they will all feel their loss to and be able to support each other

Give our love

Angel xx