When can I ask pregnant mum?

**Maza** · 14-07-2021, 09:57 PM

So, one of my parents told me a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. She is about 14 weeks now - baby due in January. When is it appropriate for me to ask her what her plans are in terms of mindee leaving me? I hate stuff like that, but I do need to know - he's my full timer, boo hoo.

**Mouse** · 15-07-2021, 08:15 AM

I tend to look at things on a termly basis and like to know plans by the half term of the previous term, if that makes sense! If the baby is due in January, I'd want to know mum's plans by the half term of the previous term, so by October. I'd start mentioning it in September and say I need to know (or at least have a pretty firm idea) what their plans are by mid/end of October.

**Pixie dust** · 15-07-2021, 10:20 AM

Do you think they will leave as one of mine stayed all through mum's maternity leave as they wanted to keep the routine, they may just want to reduce hours slightly if they are full time.

**Maza** · 15-07-2021, 10:47 AM

Pixie dust it's funny you should say that. In my experience pregnant mums have always left and then I have usually taken on the new baby a year later when maternity leave ends. One of my other mums is also pregnant, and like you say, she is staying, and in fact wants to increase her toddlers days with me by then so that she can get the new baby into a routine. If the first mum leaves then I will definitely up the second mums days, but if she stays, I'm not sure I want to increase the days - although I probably will.

DH is telling me to ask the mum now, but I think it's a bit pushy. I just don't know.

**loocyloo** · 15-07-2021, 12:00 PM

Maza, maybe you could just gently to say to mum, 'i know it is too soon to ask really, and i'm not pushing for a definite answer, but i was wondering what your plans for maternity leave were, as i'm trying to plan ahead' You could say that you have a parent wanting to increase hours? I usually mention the benefit of routine, and for the older child to stay with me, for at least some of their hours.

Also ... they need to consider what their childcare needs will be going forward ... If they cut down to one half a day for 9 mths, but then want to come back with 2 children full time etc, You can't hold an 'empty' space for all that time without either a retainer fee or something. I had a parent remove her child when she was on maternity leave, as she didn't want to pay a retainer. She was then very put out when i didn't have space for EITHER of her a children a year later!

**mumofone** · 05-10-2021, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by Maza

Pixie dust it's funny you should say that. In my experience pregnant mums have always left and then I have usually taken on the new baby a year later when maternity leave ends. One of my other mums is also pregnant, and like you say, she is staying, and in fact wants to increase her toddlers days with me by then so that she can get the new baby into a routine. If the first mum leaves then I will definitely up the second mums days, but if she stays, I'm not sure I want to increase the days - although I probably will.

DH is telling me to ask the mum now, but I think it's a bit pushy. I just don't know.

This issue has just come up for me! I want to ask but feel awkward. Im guessing the Mum in my case will want to save childcare fees and keep current child at home. What did you do in the end Maza?

**Maza** · 05-10-2021, 07:55 PM

Mumofone, I ended up asking her by casually tagging it on to the end of a general email. They were so lovely about it and were so sorry that they hadn't thought to let me know sooner. They want him to stay (yippee! Lovely family and my only full timer) and they want to know how young I take them as they want me to have the new baby too. We haven't talked properly about the new baby (not due for another three months, and obviously mum would then take some maternity leave), but sadly I don't think I will have the space, so I hope they don't end up leaving anyway.

It's so rubbish when you're left wondering isn't it?

**loocyloo** · 05-10-2021, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by Maza

Mumofone, I ended up asking her by casually tagging it on to the end of a general email. They were so lovely about it and were so sorry that they hadn't thought to let me know sooner. They want him to stay (yippee! Lovely family and my only full timer) and they want to know how young I take them as they want me to have the new baby too. We haven't talked properly about the new baby (not due for another three months, and obviously mum would then take some maternity leave), but sadly I don't think I will have the space, so I hope they don't end up leaving anyway.

It's so rubbish when you're left wondering isn't it?

Maza ... if the older child stays with you, then you could give yourself a 'variation' to allow you to have the baby sibling and therefore 4 children, under the age of 5 if you wanted to.

I was minding twins when DS was little ( although at nursery school 3 mornings a week ) and I was expecting DD. I gave notice and I have regretted it ever since I realised I could have ( at that point in time ) applied for variation to have 4 from Ofsted!

**Maza** · 05-10-2021, 09:20 PM

I could do in theory, but I'm not sure I would find it manageable. My current little ones are lovely but a handful, so I think adding a baby into the mix would be too much. I know a lot can change between now and then though, so we'll see.

**Mouse** · 07-10-2021, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by Maza

I could do in theory, but I'm not sure I would find it manageable. My current little ones are lovely but a handful, so I think adding a baby into the mix would be too much. I know a lot can change between now and then though, so we'll see.

I share your reservations about adding a baby to the mix.

I have 3 or 4 children a day. On the days when I've only got 3 children, one of the mums has asked if their baby can start with me in the new year. They'll have just turned 1, so not a little baby, but I've been trying to only take on children over the age of about 18 months. I will take them on, but I know it'll make a difference to the current dynamic.