'A concentrated dose of preciousness'
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  1. #1
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    Default 'A concentrated dose of preciousness'

    A concentrated dose of preciousness - that's what DH said I am suffering from this morning. He has summed it up perfectly.

    As I've mentioned, I'm taking on three new little ones over the next couple of weeks. The families (both mums and dads) are all so precious and needy in their own ways. They are all nice, so far, (well, one dad is irking me a bit) but I'm feeling a bit drained at the moment. If I was just taking on one at a time it would be fine, but I think three at once is more challenging than I had anticipated.

    I consider myself really flexible in terms of times of day/dates for parent visits and settling in sessions, and maybe that is part of the problem. We'll arrange a time and then I'll get a text shortly before they are due asking if they can come later as 'x' is having an 'unheard of extra long sleep and they don't want to wake him/her'. I do get it, of course I do, but that and lots of other little things has just made me feel a bit flat today. Like DH said, they wouldn't miss a flight for a holiday, or a doctor's appointment because their little one was still sleeping.

    I just need to take a deep breath, accept that some things are just part and parcel of the job and get over it.

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    It's really tough when you're starting out and finding your feet (I know you're not new as such, but newly back to busy childminding).

    Most of us have probably had years to hone our skills, but you're jumping right in at the deep end and trying to settle parents and children at the same time as getting used to it yourself.

    Maybe you need to start putting yourself first a bit. I'm all for flexibility, but not when it impacts on your own time. If you set a time for parents to visit, be clear on the time. For example, tell them you'll be available from 10am-11am. If they then text saying they're running late, reply saying "that's fine, but don't forget I'm only available until 11am".

    It's true that some irksome things are just part of the job and we have to put up with them, but we don't have to accept everything. If there are things you can change, change them. If there are things you can't change, just moan about them to us - we all get it!

    I hope you feel better about it all soon

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    Hugs Maza.

    I totally understand how you feel, and I agree with Mouse, set a few limits for yourself and don't necessarily give in to every demand.

    It is hard settling new ones, and must be even harder settling several at once, without a group of already settled children to help/support/show the way.

    Good luck xxx

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    Oh Maza hope you are feeling a bit better this afternoon, I have found the more you bend over backwards for parents the more they expect if that makes sense. I try and keep my weekends free from work related things but I have had to have a couple of visits on a Saturday which put me out for the rest of the day! I have 3 new starters in September so I have been following your posts as I feel this will be me come September and mine are all babies too so I think it's going to be hard. In a couple of months I am sure things will have settled down for you.
    Pixie Dust

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    And breathe.

    So, I've got my little one in today for his first full day. About an hour after mum left, she sent me a message saying that she forgot to mention - she 'doesn't like to use microwaves - hope that's not a pain'. I haven't responded and I don't know if I will respond to that. I've done some batch cooking for the freezer for her little one and would usually use the microwave to heat up the portion. It would create more washing up to reheat in a pan - but it's not that that I mind as much as the comment itself and the expectation that I will follow her rules. I know some people don't like microwaves - I am open minded and happy to tweak things to work with parents - but the way they 'request' makes all the difference doesn't it (along with the amount of requests).

    Am I being sensitive?

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    Not sensitive at all!

    I'm sorry, but not using a microwave is fine as a personal choice at home, but they can't expect everyone to follow all their little foibles.

    I'd reply "thanks for letting me know. I do use a microwave here but will bear your comment in mind".

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    Oh god whats wrong with microwaves?! i use mine all the time as i batch cook and then re-heat too.

    I remember a parent who wanted to provide their own food for their childs lunch (absolutely fine) so I didnt charge as they were providing it. Then they had the cheek to provide me with a famous frozen item (i guess i was supposed to heat my oven then cook it which i duly did) but then i wasnt charging for this. I look back and think WHY DIDNT I SAY SOMETHING!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maza View Post
    A concentrated dose of preciousness - that's what DH said I am suffering from this morning. He has summed it up perfectly.

    As I've mentioned, I'm taking on three new little ones over the next couple of weeks. The families (both mums and dads) are all so precious and needy in their own ways. They are all nice, so far, (well, one dad is irking me a bit) but I'm feeling a bit drained at the moment. If I was just taking on one at a time it would be fine, but I think three at once is more challenging than I had anticipated.

    I consider myself really flexible in terms of times of day/dates for parent visits and settling in sessions, and maybe that is part of the problem. We'll arrange a time and then I'll get a text shortly before they are due asking if they can come later as 'x' is having an 'unheard of extra long sleep and they don't want to wake him/her'. I do get it, of course I do, but that and lots of other little things has just made me feel a bit flat today. Like DH said, they wouldn't miss a flight for a holiday, or a doctor's appointment because their little one was still sleeping.

    I just need to take a deep breath, accept that some things are just part and parcel of the job and get over it.
    Why is the Dad irking you Maza?

    It's funny how some parents rub us up the wrong way isn't it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mumofone View Post
    Why is the Dad irking you Maza?

    It's funny how some parents rub us up the wrong way isn't it.
    When he comes to collect his child, (I'm usually already in the front garden as she's my last to leave) he practically jumps out of the car before his wife has even finished parking, and honestly, it seems like he grabs his child from my arms and consoles her for ages as though she has had the most terrible day. All the while he doesn't acknowledge me/thank me/make eye contact as I stand there like a nelly saying "awww" etc etc. He then just goes to strap her in the car and gets in while his wife comes over for a quick chat (wife is nice enough). DH was peeping through the upstairs window one evening and he was shocked and offended on my part (I hadn't mentioned it to him before). They stayed too long as well on the first two visits - but that's my fault for not being more assertive. When I introduced him to DH on the first visit he forced himself to say hello and then brushed him aside and DH felt a bit awkward, lol.

    He made a couple of comments about random things and I probably took them to mean something different.

    I think he's just socially awkward and intense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maza View Post
    When he comes to collect his child, (I'm usually already in the front garden as she's my last to leave) he practically jumps out of the car before his wife has even finished parking, and honestly, it seems like he grabs his child from my arms and consoles her for ages as though she has had the most terrible day. All the while he doesn't acknowledge me/thank me/make eye contact as I stand there like a nelly saying "awww" etc etc. He then just goes to strap her in the car and gets in while his wife comes over for a quick chat (wife is nice enough). DH was peeping through the upstairs window one evening and he was shocked and offended on my part (I hadn't mentioned it to him before). They stayed too long as well on the first two visits - but that's my fault for not being more assertive. When I introduced him to DH on the first visit he forced himself to say hello and then brushed him aside and DH felt a bit awkward, lol.

    He made a couple of comments about random things and I probably took them to mean something different.

    I think he's just socially awkward and intense.
    Lol i hate that when they don't acknowledge you and hug the child tightly like you're some awful being they must protect their child from! They seem to forget they choose to send their child to us!

    I hate people who peer in my windows, its SO intrusive. I would never do that why do they think its ever ok?!

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    Quote Originally Posted by mumofone View Post
    Lol i hate that when they don't acknowledge you and hug the child tightly like you're some awful being they must protect their child from! They seem to forget they choose to send their child to us!

    I hate people who peer in my windows, its SO intrusive. I would never do that why do they think its ever ok?!
    Oh ha I see it was your DH looking through the window!

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    Quote Originally Posted by mumofone View Post
    Oh ha I see it was your DH looking through the window!

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    The dad has warmed up a bit now.

    However, two of the mums ...

    One has started sending me videos of their child doing sweet things - but I am not grandma! She sends them in the evening when I'm relaxing with my family - sometimes there is a detailed observation on them of what she is doing.

    The other one has sent me some early morning messages. This morning (Saturday) I had a message at 7.30am asking if she could swap one of her days next month. Thank goodness my phone was on silent. She sent me another one an hour later to say that she doesn't need it any more because the hotel she wanted is now fully booked.

    The first parent I can cope with, but the early morning messager, mmmmm.

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    My friend has just got a new phone ..
    Her old number is her work phone and is only on from 7-7. .. ( although she may check it outside of these hours!)
    She was getting parents contacting her at all hours.

    I have some mums who send me videos etc as they say that other than grandparents, I'm the only other person that interested in their child. ( one mum though, has become like family and I think I send her nearly as many photo's and video of DD as she does of her DD! ) i quite like it. Someone I respond, sometimes I don't! It is annoying when they expect an answer or keep changing their minds!
    I generally tell my parents that although I may look at messages etc outside of work hours, I can't promise to respond immediately or to be able to answer any questions.

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    I've got one mum at the moment who sends me lots of photos and videos of her child. This weekend I've had a photo of him eating an apple and one of his new haircut! She'll also message me at weekends, evenings and early mornings, usually asking things that could actually wait. But even she's not as bad as the mum who not only send me photos of her own child, but of her nephew as well!!

    I've learned to live with it. If parents are going to contact me I ask them to use WhatsApp. That way I can see a preview of the message and decide whether or not to open it. Even if I open it and have a quick look, I don't always reply. Sometimes it does bug me a bit (well, a lot!), but I've decided I'm happy to accept it as part of the job.

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    I don't mind too much really, (grumpy me) and at least they are sending happy pictures - it could be worse. Anyone who wakes me up at 7.30 on my weekends though doesn't endear themselves to me. I like my weekend sleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maza View Post
    I don't mind too much really, (grumpy me) and at least they are sending happy pictures - it could be worse. Anyone who wakes me up at 7.30 on my weekends though doesn't endear themselves to me. I like my weekend sleep.
    I'd moan about a 7.30 wake up at the weekend! That's not being grumpy at all

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