So sorry this is happening to you and that you feel awful.
It's always going to be difficult when friendships and business overlap, creating awkward situations. From the time I first registered I was instructed by my DO to join the local CMs group, I never quite understood the complex relationship of individuals who were competing for business whilst putting out the impression of a cheery Mr Tumble-esque "we're all
friends " attitude. I learned that you only have to scratch the surface to realise it was a lot more complex than it appeared.
I don't suppose it's easy for either you or the other CM. In the cold light of day, I guess a CM's first responsibility is to the child, then the family, then their own business, all before considering another CM's feelings, but I still think it's wrong to disregard you completely.
I've had children move between me and another setting (in either direction) and it is tricky. I only accept children from elsewhere if there's a very sound reason. Either it has to be mutually agreed as best for the child, with everyone happy about it, or (the other extreme) an irreconcilable breakdown between parents and provider. I expect the client to have made an effort to resolve things first with the other setting, and to tell the other setting in good time before switching. If they're determined to move, I tell the parent they must notify the current provider within a couple of days, or else I will do it, because I value the trust I have and often have to work in partnership/shared-care arrangements with nurseries, etc. That partnership trumps any misplaced notion of "confidentiality" as the quality of that partnership will no doubt affect the well-being of children at some time in the future.
I'm tempted to say your CM friend is welcome to this one, given the undignified haste with which mum is prepared to up sticks. Call me a cynic, but the words "sleep trainer" instantly caused my eyebrow to raise and had the indicator needle twitching on my FreakyMum-o-Meter.
Just in terms of getting your emotions in perspective, would the other CM's actions be less upsetting if you hadn't suffered the multiple disappointments of other prospective contracts falling through? That's not meant as judgment or criticism, and I don't expect you to answer (you're certainly not answerable to me or anyone else). I just feel it might be worth you thinking over privately, if it helps get things in perspective and possibly repair the damage the other CM has done.
I don't think your friend has behaved particularly well, but I don't like to judge quite
how badly IYSWIM. Perhaps the best response is to rise above it and, as my teacher used to say of fall-outs, "be the better person."
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