Help - Advice re Child not the "right fit"

[teenyandbear]

Hi,

I haven't posted much on here before, but I'm stuck as to where to turn. I hope I'm posting this in the right place.

I currently have a 2yo mindee three days a week, 11.5 hours a day. She's been with me since the beginning of the school year. It started well enough, she was very hysterical the first day or two, but managed to settle. Her Mum works really long hours and I think at the moment, days are literally going by before the child sees her mum (no judgement!) Her Dad drops her off and collects her most days. I should add that her parents separated in November.

As aforementioned, the little girl has been with me for 5 months now, but sadly it feels like she could have started with me last week, I feel like I cannot make a connection with her. I have had sleepless nights and in these last days shed tears as I feel like I'm doing something wrong. She is very well cared for (I have two of my children and another mindee in wrap around care). She is with me nearly 36 hours a week but I feel like I don't know her. She doesn't show any affection towards me at all, as well as refusing to listen to me, nor respect any of the boundaries in place. I feel like I'm only telling her "no".

She's an only child so when I speak to her parents about what I'm experiencing, they say "Oh it doesn't happen at home." She's recently taken to ear-piercing screams and shoving my son; he's been hurt several times now after being sent into the radiator and door. I have been very patient and accommodating; taking into consideration that perhaps this behaviour is due to lack of attention at home, her parents split etc, but I'm at my wits end. I just don't think this arrangement is working.

I feel disappointed that after 5 months and despite my very best efforts to break down the barriers that are there, that I just can't do this anymore.

Does anyone else have experience of this where the fit just isn't right? I've had three other mindees in my care since registering last May, who have settled beautifully, great feedback from the parents etc, I have an old mindee coming back to me etc I know I am a good childminder. I don't believe I could be doing any more that I am, to make this situation work. Just feel a bit hopeless!

Any advice or words of wisdom much appreciated.

F

[Jessymax]

hiya, ive just posted something a little similar see 'how to give notice'
I have a nearly 3yo little girl who has only been to me 3 times, I know THREE! but I just kno im my gut this isn't right she gets me really quite stressed it really quite naighty not even in a cheeky way squashes play dough into my rug, refuses to eat anything I make her squeals at top of her voice and pushes other mindee I am trying to figure out what to do for best as at the mo im in my settling in period for one more week after that ii would have to give 4 weeks notice.. although your little one sounds like they are passed around sadly, with u very long days mummy and daddy recently split their whole world has just changed and maybe that's why u have noticed a difference in her recently but the lack of affection I would find hard I have one abit like that and it does make me sad becauase I just want them to know that I care for them and I am a step in for there parent whilst in my care I want them to feel comfortable it is such a hard job that we do not get half enough credit for, you sound like you have given it a really hard slog and that's problemly mainly why u feel so crap.. because u know u couldn't of done anymore but that's not your fault x

[sarah707]

It's important that all the children fit with their key worker - if there's a problem then in a nursery they'd probably get the choice of another key worker but of course we don't have that luxury working on our own!!

If a child isn't settling I'd always suggest the childminder has an initial meeting with parents to discuss what is happening, write it up, look at ways to improve the situation and put a time limit on it - for the sake of the child who needs to be somewhere they are engaged and motivated to learn (learning characteristics).

I hope that helps xx