Child crying at drop off. Help!

**Star8376** · 10-11-2015, 03:34 AM

Please, I have a child ( 20months) she has been coming to my setting since September this year (2months) the issue is that she cries whenever mom drop her off, but she stops crying almost immediately mom leaves. Sometimes she cries for 2-3minutes and settles down within 5minutes.

This child is so lovely and very happy playing and joins in our daily routine/activities.

I understand that it is difficult for the parent. I keep telling her that her daughter is fine immediately she leaves and I will never keep an unhappy child in my setting because it will be so destressing for everyone. I don't think mom believes me. What should I do please

**chris goodyear** · 10-11-2015, 07:57 AM

In this situation I always text/ring mum as soon as the crying has stopped which they are very appreciated of. Can you take a photo which will have the time shown to show mum how quick she has stopped? Some children are not good at the initial drop off but if mum makes a quick getaway it will be better for everyone and I'm sure she will settle down soon.

**mumofone** · 10-11-2015, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by Star8376

Please, I have a child ( 20months) she has been coming to my setting since September this year (2months) the issue is that she cries whenever mom drop her off, but she stops crying almost immediately mom leaves. Sometimes she cries for 2-3minutes and settles down within 5minutes. This child is so lovely and very happy playing and joins in our daily routine/activities. I understand that it is difficult for the parent. I keep telling her that her daughter is fine immediately she leaves and I will never keep an unhappy child in my setting because it will be so destressing for everyone. I don't think mom believes me. What should I do please

You poor thing, Yep can you share pics of the child happy and playing later to help put her mind at rest? X

**mama2three** · 10-11-2015, 08:33 AM

can she leave , wait a couple of mins , then peek in through the window?

**loocyloo** · 10-11-2015, 08:35 AM

I've had and have some who do this, and are full of smiles all day and then the moment parent arrives in the evening, return to crying.

I think its just a 'I don't want to leave you' thing and I always encourage everyone to be really cheerful, mum to give a quick, big hug and say 'see you later', we wave good bye and say 'have a good day' and then we rush off. and then, to start with, I send mum a text or photo to say we're fine! one of my mums currently stands just out of sight once said goodbye and can hear that LO has stopped as soon as we shut the door!

it is hard to leave a crying child, I know, I've done it myself ( and cried over it ) but with support and encouragement it does get better.

I'm emotional myself, and even now, sometimes find myself welling up when saying goodbye to my children ( and some minded! ) when they go to school, or if DH has to go away for a couple of days. a few years ago, I was flying to Scotland to stay with a friend for a long weekend and I cried buckets at the airport when I was dropped off!

have a good day xxx

**lollipop kid** · 10-11-2015, 10:44 AM

Like Loocyloo, I tell parents that, when their child cries at drop-off time, it's not because they're unhappy here. It's just that they love their parent so much and this is their way of expressing it. I ask parents to do a quick handover, telling their little one that they'll be back after we've had dinner then it's quick kiss and they're off.

I also then send a photo to Mum/Dad of the child playing happily once they're settled.

I've had one recently where the first couple of weeks were awful - crying lots, parents hovering. But I reminded the parents quickly of my hand-over procedures and today we had no tears whatsoever at drop-off time. Just big smiles (and very relieved parents and childminder).

Good luck - I sometimes think it's harder for the parents than it is for the children.

Again, if the child cries at hometime, I just remind the parent that it's because their little one loves them so much.

(I also tell anxious parents that there will come a day once the child is totally settled that they'll refuse to go home with Mum/Dad at hometime and just want to stay and play, which actually happened at the end of last week. The parent was gob-smacked. Plus, another parent told me that her little one said that she "wanted to go home to LK's house" one weekend, as she couldn't wait to get back here.)

Hope it calms down for you soon.

LK

**AliceK** · 10-11-2015, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by mama2three

can she leave , wait a couple of mins , then peek in through the window?

I did this once.
I had a 2yr old who would cry every drop-off, within a minute or two she would be fine. I left the window open one day and told mum to pretend to leave but then wait by the window and listen. She could hear then that her child soon stopped and that reassured her. Plus I do take lots of photos every day which mum could see.
Children know how to play their parents and depending on mums reaction to the child this could just be learnt habit now.

xxx

**hectors house** · 10-11-2015, 09:39 PM

I sit on the sofa with child on my lap and we read a story, the parents let themselves out but often wait in the hall by front door and can hear for themselves that child has settled, otherwise when I see them getting in their car I just lift my arm up and give a "thumbs up" sign and that means crying has stopped. I have found that some children don't like to see their parent leaving through the front door, it's too final - also some children like to wave goodbye out the window (to mummy or sometimes to just the car) but for some it makes them hysterical. I try to persuade parents that it is just a "guilt trip" by the child to punish parents for going to work and that it is also normal for them to cry when parents come to collect - but they can see from the photos & videos on Tapestry that they aren't crying all day long.

**mumofone** · 10-11-2015, 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by hectors house

I sit on the sofa with child on my lap and we read a story, the parents let themselves out but often wait in the hall by front door and can hear for themselves that child has settled, otherwise when I see them getting in their car I just lift my arm up and give a "thumbs up" sign and that means crying has stopped. I have found that some children don't like to see their parent leaving through the front door, it's too final - also some children like to wave goodbye out the window (to mummy or sometimes to just the car) but for some it makes them hysterical. I try to persuade parents that it is just a "guilt trip" by the child to punish parents for going to work and that it is also normal for them to cry when parents come to collect - but they can see from the photos & videos on Tapestry that they aren't crying all day long.

I find this with my own son, if he sees me leave out the front door he cries really badly but if he doesn't see me physically go out the door he's ok.

I did read somewhere that parents should never leave without saying goodbye though.

:-) x

**hectors house** · 11-11-2015, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by mumofone

I find this with my own son, if he sees me leave out the front door he cries really badly but if he doesn't see me physically go out the door he's ok.

I did read somewhere that parents should never leave without saying goodbye though.

:-) x

Parents do say goodbye in the lounge, it's just more final when child sees them go out the front door and shut it, so parents let themselves out while I'm distracting the child.