When to call it a day?

[bluechair84]

Silly question really but wanted to get other peoples views.

Been cm for 5 years and love it however.....

I haven't been enjoying cm as much since my last inspection. I got an excellent grade but really at the expense of family life. Like many of us I work long hours and catch up on paperwork in my own time. We love the children dearly and have been lucky to have had great families but it's started to have a negative impact on dd 11 who has just started high school, plus we're all getting a tad fed up with tripping over buggies, toys etc. (no garage) I've had enough of Ofsted's demands, paperwork, feeling tired, my house turning into a mini nursery etc

I have in my mind that I want to stop but I feel incredibly guilty about not seeing this lo and that lo through to their next stage, eg school, nursery etc. I know my family should come first. Equally I know it's not fair on lo's if my heart is not in it anymore.

Really just wanted ask how long have you 'plodded' on just to see them through because you felt you should.
How did parents react to your notice?

Thanks in advance

blue

[smurfette]

I am kinda like you at the moment. I am in Ireland so very very lucky that we don't have ofsted or anything similar. But still feel a bit burned out with minding three under three the last four years. I have had problem parents recently which has disheartened me, I am so fed up of asking parents to work with me only to be ignored because it suits them. My youngest will go to secondary in three years and then won't be home until 4, so I reckon I could go out and get a job, also we have a large loan which will be paid off and dh is hoping for a promotion soon, so all in all we can manage on less money I think. I feel like throwing in the towel today after two days in a row of hell. But I have a new little one starting end of month and it wouldn't be fair to let them down.. Or the others I have. I do think one will leave due to mum being pregnant so maybe things will come to a natural end and I can cut back gradually. I don't do from preschool age (3) because I can't fit the runs in so I lose them anyway and don't have to worry about seeing them through after that .. But I sympathise although have no advice ! Except do what is right for you and your family .. The parents will get over it and would and do! Drop us as soon as it doesn't suit anymore so dont feel guilty!

[BallyH]

I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.

[mumofone]

I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.

I should hope a 17 year old was mature enough to do this!

[Simona]

I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.

I sometimes get a bit angry when cms feel that 'our own' children have to come second when their needs need to be met...sorry I am not especially having a go at you ...just a general observation.
Where in the EYFS or any Ofsted regulations does it say our own children must not receive 'equal concern'?

Our care and practice need to take account of 'ALL children' regardless of who they are....so if my kids needed to go to the GP I would politely ask the parents to think of a suitable arrangement to cover the few hours I needed OUT!
In my view that is called flexibility which has to come from us ...as well as the parents.

[JCrakers]

I sometimes get a bit angry when cms feel that 'our own' children have to come second when their needs need to be met...sorry I am not especially having a go at you ...just a general observation.
Where in the EYFS or any Ofsted regulations does it say our own children must not receive 'equal concern'?

Our care and practice need to take account of 'ALL children' regardless of who they are....so if my kids needed to go to the GP I would politely ask the parents to think of a suitable arrangement to cover the few hours I needed OUT!
In my view that is called flexibility which has to come from us ...as well as the parents.

I do agree that the job shouldn't take over and our own children shouldn't be shunted to the back of the pile. But its not easy. Having a day off or a couple of hours often isn't a solution, parents have to work and some don't have alternative care. If I was to book half a day off to take dd to a hosp appointment in town then another half a day off to go and watch my son in a sports event, another half a day off to take my son to his Orthodontist app etc etc , parent's would call me unreliable, word would soon et round and business would be poor.

I do go to appointments where I can but have to take 2-3 children with me. Sons dentist is upstairs so having to struggle with carrying a baby, helping two toddlers and two bags up a flight of stairs and back down really does cause more stress. Having to sit and read a story and stop two toddlers from touching the equipment and listen to the dentist a the same time isn't fun. The alternative is dh goes instead of me.

I have in the past finished work at 330pm to attend a sports event as I really wanted to watch my own children. I had to tell 6 sets of parents that I couldn't do the school run. The next event I couldn't go because I couldn't bear telling them again...how could I? I missed it

There has also been many occasions where my own children couldn't go to certain after school clubs because I couldn't get them there. They have had a lot of patience over the years with my job. The noise, the missed opportunities and trting to understand that even though Mum is in the house I couldn't always be there for them.

[Simona]

I do agree that the job shouldn't take over and our own children shouldn't be shunted to the back of the pile. But its not easy. Having a day off or a couple of hours often isn't a solution, parents have to work and some don't have alternative care. If I was to book half a day off to take dd to a hosp appointment in town then another half a day off to go and watch my son in a sports event, another half a day off to take my son to his Orthodontist app etc etc , parent's would call me unreliable, word would soon et round and business would be poor.

I do go to appointments where I can but have to take 2-3 children with me. Sons dentist is upstairs so having to struggle with carrying a baby, helping two toddlers and two bags up a flight of stairs and back down really does cause more stress. Having to sit and read a story and stop two toddlers from touching the equipment and listen to the dentist a the same time isn't fun. The alternative is dh goes instead of me.

I have in the past finished work at 330pm to attend a sports event as I really wanted to watch my own children. I had to tell 6 sets of parents that I couldn't do the school run. The next event I couldn't go because I couldn't bear telling them again...how could I? I missed it

There has also been many occasions where my own children couldn't go to certain after school clubs because I couldn't get them there. They have had a lot of patience over the years with my job. The noise, the missed opportunities and trting to understand that even though Mum is in the house I couldn't always be there for them.

I see your point and hope I did not come across as saying CMs need to takes time off every time....I meant when it can be arranged with parents and when....as in MOH' s case...when it is important for us to be with our children.

Parents should always have an alternative in case we are sick or events in our lives require the odd day off from a cm.
Parents do need to work and so do we.
Over the years I have attended many school performances and sports days and the parents have always been there to watch those events...so their employer can be flexible and allow time off for 'special occasions'
In the end it is a question of flexibility and co-operation between us and parents...I feel it will pay if both sides look after each other's needs.
Not easy I know but 'doable' ?

[BallyH]

Oh Bluechair84 I do feel for you. I also have been 'confused' at the moment. I put so much energy into the job and it's so hard to find a balance with work and family life. I've got 3 teenagers and that alone is weary and challenging. The paperwork, Mr O and the the rest of the pavalava is very draining but I think I expect too much from myself and need to relax a bit. But, I'm not ready to give up yet! I feel so loved my baby minded babies, all 10 of them. And I love the freedom the job brings. Like today, the sunshine was a blessing and we had a fab day being out and about. And I would miss this freedom working for someone else. I work hard for me. I reep the rewards not an employer. But if you feel you need a change go for it. Your Lo's families will all adapt, some will moan, but you may be surprisd how quickly they can find other childcare as a good friend of mine found out recently when she fell pregnant and gave everyone 5 months notice. Best of luck in your decisions. Your family come first!

[Kiddleywinks]

Can't offer advice on the actual giving up element, but.... Have you looked to see if there's a way of cutting back on your paperwork so it can (or at least the majority of it lol) be done during the working day? Would changing your working hours help? Or changing the age group? I was working silly hours when I first started - eager to please - but as children left I gained a 'day off' which although can be a different day each week, and an easy day on a Friday, has really helped me get things back on track and reenergised me.

[funemnx]

I've felt like this on and off for a few years now and my solution has been to not take on any more little ones and let the ones I have grow up and start playschool/school giving me time in term time off during the day.... It was just starting to work until 2 mums got pregnant and will be going back to work in the new year. Plus hubby took voluntary redundancy and is having a 'gap' year so I've had to take on 2 more little ones to bring in the income However, the plan is still in place, just pushed back a couple of years.... Could you think of this? Working before and after school but have some time off in the day? It cuts back on paperwork and gives you some time to yourself (hopefully)

[AliceK]

Oh I know exactly how you feel. My own children were younger when I started and so the house was always full of toys, pushchair etc but now they are older it does seem like a pain. DS has just started secondary school and is so independent now I know he would be okay if I went "out" to work but DD is only 8 and needs taking to and from school etc. I have felt so down and despondant about the job for one reason or another over the past year but I have re-organised things, meant giving notice to some but now my hours are better. I also remind myself that I am actually very lucky to be doing this job. I have been here for my children and had the freedom to do what I want when I want plus my DD has had so many hospital appts over the years and I don't have to worry about asking my boss for time off over and over again. SO, all in all as long as I remind myself that in the grand scheme of things I am extremely lucky and to go back to working for someone else and having to ask for everything just really wouldn't suit me at the moment then I will carry on, after all I do love the job most of the time even though I have never been so knackered in any other job lol.

xx

[BallyH]

Yes, he's mature but I was upset as the choice was taken from me and him.

[bluechair84]

yes MOH I agree the choice IS often taken away from us, our dc still need us at times

[SJ35]

It's 11 months til I give it up. I've got a place to study children's nursing next September 😀😀😀😀 so happy!!!!
I have mostly loved the last three years and the kids too. But I am looking forward to my new career and to slowly winding it all down over the next 11 months 😀
X

[Maza]

I'm another one who knows how you feel!

One thing I will say is do NOT carry on through guilt of not seeing mindees through to the next stage, because as lovely as some parents might be - they would absolutely drop you (for want of a better phrase) as and when it suited them - and not wait to see you through to the next phase of your career. Mum might get pregnant, dad might find a new job, be made redundant, granny might suddenly be available to provide free childcare etc. Honestly, I've had this happen to me several times and it hurts when you know that you would have kept going for them until a more convenient time to end the contract.

Write down all the things that are bugging you and see if you can rearrange things to eliminate certain problems. The other day I did a one off minding a baby but I had already packed away my pushchair (not minded a baby for a while) and so I asked mum to leave her own pushchair, which she did happily. When the baby went home, so did the pushchair. That might not work with all parents and if you use doubles/triples it might not work for you, but it could be worth a thought...

I used to do all paperwork in my own time but one time I got really behind (due to illness, etc) and so I had no option but to start doing it when the mindees were here. I had a very boring two weeks where I didn't do exciting, but full on things like baking, messy play etc with the mindees - they 'just played' with the toys, and I was right there for when they needed me but was catching up on my paperwork. We obviously still went out everyday but whenever we were at home I was at the table. It was quite a boring time and I didn't get any job satisfaction because I like getting stuck in with the mindees, but they were totally fine and it stopped me drowning in the paperwork. From then on I always have done a 'bit' of paperwork when they are here and they don't even notice.

Do you have a plan b for if you did give up?

[Simona]

Silly question really but wanted to get other peoples views.

Been cm for 5 years and love it however.....

I haven't been enjoying cm as much since my last inspection. I got an excellent grade but really at the expense of family life. Like many of us I work long hours and catch up on paperwork in my own time. We love the children dearly and have been lucky to have had great families but it's started to have a negative impact on dd 11 who has just started high school, plus we're all getting a tad fed up with tripping over buggies, toys etc. (no garage) I've had enough of Ofsted's demands, paperwork, feeling tired, my house turning into a mini nursery etc

I have in my mind that I want to stop but I feel incredibly guilty about not seeing this lo and that lo through to their next stage, eg school, nursery etc. I know my family should come first. Equally I know it's not fair on lo's if my heart is not in it anymore.

Really just wanted ask how long have you 'plodded' on just to see them through because you felt you should.
How did parents react to your notice?

Thanks in advance

blue

Very difficult decision to take and will depend on how prepared and determined you are .
It may depend on how you want to do it....do it soon and make that break clean and quick
Or you could see that child through until he/she leaves you....I found that the best way while not taking any more new kids as slowly you regain your time and space but are still attached with a thin piece of string....one foot in one foot out.

Good luck however you decide to do it....once done your shoulders will drop 2 inches as they relax and focus on other things!

[hectors house]

Another one here who knows where you are coming from - my children have all grown up and left home (although the youngest one is going to move back in for a few months to save some money) so actually that makes childminding a lot easier as you don't feel guilty at not being to get to watch your child's sports day or get them to an after school swimming lesson or worry about your own children being ill and having to close and let down parents.

But I am just fed up of the constant changes of children, when I re-registered 10 year ago I had 3 full time children and although they cut down slightly when they went to Nursery, they stayed with me until they went to school. Now I have 5 children part time - all just coming one or 2 day a week and 2 new babies starting (on different days) that will also only be coming 2 days a week.

2 weeks ago a mum phoned to say she was being made redundant and would obviously be looking for another job and I do really feel sorry for her, but in the 4 years I have been looking after her children, this is the 3rd time she has been made redundant (cutting her days down from 2 to 1 each time), the first time it took her 9 months to find a new job and within 3 months of starting it announced she was pregnant.

And yesterday a relatively new parent (child started 6 months ago) announced that she had been offered a job in India for the winter (from Nov until March) and that she hoped that I would have a space when she returned but understood that I needed to try to fill it.

The threat of potentially being made redundant every day is really wearing me down - I'm tempted to squeeze the remaining children into just 3 days a week and become a dog walker for the other 2 days - I can imagine my play room filled with little doggy sofas.

[Kiddleywinks]

I can imagine my play room filled with little doggy sofas.

:laughing
I was talking to a dog groomer the other day and we both said we couldn't do the others job - she can't bear baby's nappies and I can't be doing with dog mess hahaha

[Maza]

:laughing
I was talking to a dog groomer the other day and we both said we couldn't do the others job - she can't bear baby's nappies and I can't be doing with dog mess hahaha

I have a dog walker friend (who earns a packet) and I was telling her that I couldn't handle (literally, haha) the dog mess. She couldn't see how it was much different to the nappy part of our job, but it is. hectors house you should look into it though because I'm sure you've mentioned that you have a dog (?) and so that obviously doesn't bother you.

[hectors house]

I have a dog walker friend (who earns a packet) and I was telling her that I couldn't handle (literally, haha) the dog mess. She couldn't see how it was much different to the nappy part of our job, but it is. hectors house you should look into it though because I'm sure you've mentioned that you have a dog (?) and so that obviously doesn't bother you.

I do have 2 dogs but actually don't know if I could pick up mess from another dog - it's a bit like baby nappies I obviously change my own mindees dirty ones but once at a toddler group the smell from another persons mindees nappy actually made me gag!

What are you going to do Maza when you take a break? Hope you will still come on here as we will miss you