The Forbidden Word: Naughty.

[smurfette]

As someone who isn't that bothered by the word naughty, I must say I agree with the link below. Calling a child a negative name does cause damage in the long run. I will never call a child naughty, bossy, mean, unkind etc... I will only ever label the behaviour. And this is why I don't find the juvenile word 'naughty' a bad thing. I find some of the words people have tried to substitute naughty for more complicated to explain to children. The word 'unacceptable' for example. How on earth can I explain unacceptable to a two year old?!? I always try to explain why I'm saying their behaviour is not nice and I find it easier to say "that was naughty because you hurt so-and-so and that's made them cry" or "throwing that toy was naughty because it could have broke it or hit someone". Naughty is easy to explain to a little one. Unacceptable sounds so much more harsh to me.

I agree, you hear
Supernanny saying 'that's unacceptable' to little ones and I don't see how they understand! I also don't say 'you are naughty' but like you I say 'that's naughty (or bold as
We say in Ireland!) because ..... So they know why it was wrong and then I say 'it's nice to ... / or in my house we share all the toys ' etc

[bunyip]

He's probably pretty terrifying in real life. Mrs Bunyip must be a saint (if she really exists and isn't Bunyip's imaginary friend)

Wrong way round..........................I'm scared of Mrs B.

[k1rstie]

I don't really understand sharing!!!! Sometimes it can be used as bullying.

Child A is playing with a toy and is really enjoying it.
Child B arrives, tells child A that he wants the toy. Child A is still playing with the toy, and doesn't want to hand it over.

The next thing you hear being shouted is 'child A is not sharing!!' You reply it's not nice to share, bla bla, and the toy is given to child B .
Happy child B, sad and confused child A.

I don't think that's really sharing, or turn taking

[bunyip]

I don't really understand sharing!!!! Sometimes it can be used as bullying.

Child A is playing with a toy and is really enjoying it.
Child B arrives, tells child A that he wants the toy. Child A is still playing with the toy, and doesn't want to hand it over.

The next thing you hear being shouted is 'child A is not sharing!!' You reply it's not nice to share, bla bla, and the toy is given to child B .
Happy child B, sad and confused child A.

I don't think that's really sharing, or turn taking

One to think about.

I'll make a note to add an entry for "sharing" in The Childminders' Dictionary.

[Mouse]

I don't really understand sharing!!!! Sometimes it can be used as bullying.

Child A is playing with a toy and is really enjoying it.
Child B arrives, tells child A that he wants the toy. Child A is still playing with the toy, and doesn't want to hand it over.

The next thing you hear being shouted is 'child A is not sharing!!' You reply it's not nice to share, bla bla, and the toy is given to child B .
Happy child B, sad and confused child A.

I don't think that's really sharing, or turn taking

I deal with it differently after I read an article that I think was linked to on here.

It's all about getting the children to say what they want.

If A is playing happily and B wants the toy, B says "I want to play with that". A tells them "I'm playing with it and I don't want you to have it". B says "can I have it when you're finished?" A says yes and carries on playing, but hands the toy over when they've finished with it.

That's a very simplified version, but you get the idea. Everyone is happy. A knows they can keep the toy, but that someone else would like it and they need to hand it over when they've finished. B is happy because they know they will get the toy at some point, so goes off to play with something else until it's their turn. A is sharing, but not having to give the toy up straight away and B is learning that they have to wait for some things they want.

The whole process took a bit of time to implement as I initially had to do all the talking for them and show them how it worked, but now the children are quite happy to sort out the whole "sharing" thing themselves. Rather than saying they want a toy, or trying to take it, they will say "can I have that when you're finished with it?"

[Mummits]

I agree with Mouse's version of sharing. The only thing I would add is that sometimes child A then hangs on to the toy for ages longer than they probably would have done, just to be annoying If it is a really popular resource or I think kids are hanging on to something to be awkward, I do sometimes resort to putting a time limit on each turn. I have egg timers of various durations so if there is a lot of squabbling over a particular toy I will rule that it is a red sandtimer turn each for example, rather than completely open-ended.

[Mouse]

I agree with Mouse's version of sharing. The only thing I would add is that sometimes child A then hangs on to the toy for ages longer than they probably would have done, just to be annoying If it is a really popular resource or I think kids are hanging on to something to be awkward, I do sometimes resort to putting a time limit on each turn. I have egg timers of various durations so if there is a lot of squabbling over a particular toy I will rule that it is a red sandtimer turn each for example, rather than completely open-ended.

Yes, I do that for certain things, or if I do think a child is keeping hold of a toy deliberately to stop another child playing with it.

It works the other way as well and stops a child asking for a toy simply because they know someone else has it. If a child was playing happily and I commented on what they're doing (that looks exciting, you've made that nicely etc) I have one child who would go tearing over demanding that toy, even though he hadn't shown the slightest bit of interest before I'd said anything. I now remind him that he has to ask if he can have it once the other child has finished with it. It stops him snatching the toy and when he goes off to play with something else he forgets he'd even asked for it!

[FussyElmo]

Exactly the situation I have had this morning

Fussy Fussy xxx isn't sharing with me. We have to share sharing nice.
Yes sharing is nice but you deciding you want the toy now isn't sharing that's you wanting - once xxx has finished playing with it you can play with it.
10 mins later xxx has finished and the child then gets to have the toy. But I reinforce it by saying look now xxx is now sharing with you.

definition of sharing to a child I want that toy now and you must give it to me

[greenfaerie]

I agree with the sharing issue, I handle it in a similar way to others. I explain that Child A can have the toy when Child B is done with it, which they do, usually coming to find me just to let me know that they handed the toy over, or that the other child shared nicely. I think there's an age restriction on this method though. My 2.5yo daughter always hands it over after 2 seconds happily. I always feel like I should double check that she's really finished with it and not feeling pressured. The pre schooler I mind has learned that she does this and I think she counts on it now. :S Oh well, it certainly feels like they share more these days than a month or so ago!

[lollipop kid]

I have taught my little mindees that if a child comes up wanting a toy they are playing with, they can offer the child another toy and the child usually takes the offered toy and goes off with happily with that.

I've had an 18 month old do this successfully at a new Playgroup we went to at the home corner, when another child wanted the thing he was playing with. Without words, he handed the alternative toy to the unknown child, who went off happily with that. To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement, as I'd only taught this technique to the children a short while before.

I also teach them to say "Ta" if they want something, and hold out their hand. If they are given it, then that is fine. If they are given something else, they are usually happy with that as well.

Works 90% of the time here (until Tantrum phase kicks in proper - then all bets are off )


LK