No more time out in my home

[toddlers896]

I have been struggling with behaviour management since I started and have been going round and round in circles and getting nowhere. It stresses me out and then I end up hating this job. Anyway, I was having problems with a three and a half year old last week and I decided to do a bit of research on the internet. I found this link called the two arm technique. Omg, I have been putting this into practise today and just can't believe how simple and effective this is. Ime sure a lot of you guys probably already do this but for those of you that don't I would definately recommend it.
I will be following this strategy from now on and I am just so so happy today, and so is all my mindees. What a difference I thought I would share it.

Two Arm Technique for Hitting, Biting, Pushing and Toy Snatching

[AliceK]

But what happens if the child that is doing the snatching / hitting can't speak enough to actually say those things?
I have a nearly 2 yr old who will snatch toys away and hit the 3 yr olds. Today he hit one of my 3 year olds for absolutely no reason. 3yr old was just sitting in the chair, 2yr old was laying on the floor yelling at the 3yr old (couldn't make out any actual words) then 2yr old gets up off the floor walks over to the 3yr old and hits the 3yr old. I was spying on them so I witnessed the whole thing and I know there was absolutely no provocation involved.

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[toddlers896]

But what happens if the child that is doing the snatching / hitting can't speak enough to actually say those things?
I have a nearly 2 yr old who will snatch toys away and hit the 3 yr olds. Today he hit one of my 3 year olds for absolutely no reason. 3yr old was just sitting in the chair, 2yr old was laying on the floor yelling at the 3yr old (couldn't make out any actual words) then 2yr old gets up off the floor walks over to the 3yr old and hits the 3yr old. I was spying on them so I witnessed the whole thing and I know there was absolutely no provocation involved.

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That's a good question. We had this conversation today at our childminding group. If it was me I think I would still follow the guidelines in the link and speak for the one that can't speak, this way the one that is being bullied can see you are not accepting this behaviour and you are doing something about it. The one that can't speak will have an idea what you are saying even though they can't speak.
Ime not too sure to be honest but its worth trying it anyway. Somebody will maybe give you the right answer to this. Ime intrigued now xx

[Mouse]

I'm going to try this technique today with my particularly argumentative 3 and 4 year old mindees.

I'll report back at the end of the day!

[Emra81]

That's really interesting......I can definitely buy into the theory behind it and will try it out next time I'm acting as referee!

[Ripeberry]

What if you have three of them hitting on each other at the same time? I mind three brothers (2,4 and 6) and they can end up in almighty rows. I dread bringing new toys into my home as they will all want to play with it at the same time and fight! The parents have the same problem and Xmas is a nightmare. I just hope that the older brother decides to 'grow up' as bit more and not want everything, even if it's a boring baby toy!

[toddlers896]

I'm going to try this technique today with my particularly argumentative 3 and 4 year old mindees.

I'll report back at the end of the day!

Can't wait to hear your views. It's working with me and my cm friends. Only problem is I keep forgetting what to say so I will need to practise my lines ha ha. Good luck and hope it works for you. I think it's fab.

[toddlers896]

What if you have three of them hitting on each other at the same time? I mind three brothers (2,4 and 6) and they can end up in almighty rows. I dread bringing new toys into my home as they will all want to play with it at the same time and fight! The parents have the same problem and Xmas is a nightmare. I just hope that the older brother decides to 'grow up' as bit more and not want everything, even if it's a boring baby toy!

Lock them in the cupboard Hun unil parents arrive xx

[funemnx]

Can't wait to hear your views. It's working with me and my cm friends. Only problem is I keep forgetting what to say so I will need to practise my lines ha ha. Good luck and hope it works for you. I think it's fab.

Write it up your arm!

[Mouse]

I'm always sceptical about these 'theories', but I have to say, I did find this one quite interesting.

The 2 children I tried it on are 3 & 4. They argue about everything. One will say they're going to play with a particular toy, so the other one will go tearing across the room to get there first. There's no point telling them to play together because they won't. The two of them will sit there playing tug of war with a toy & looking to me to sort it out. If I say X wanted it first, Y will throw something or get stroppy, while X will give them a sly grin. To be honest, neither of them really wants the toy, they just don't want the other one to have it.

So, I started this technique this morning. The Happyland castle was out and Y decided he wanted to play with it. X dashed over & they pushed each other out of the way to get to the same chair (despite there being 2 chairs). I said "Y was here first. X, you will have to ask Y if you can play with the castle with him" She did and Y said no, he didn't want her to play. I then told her to ask if he would tell her when he'd finished playing with it and he sad he would. She wandered off quite happily & played with something else.
Y then of course wanted to play with what she was playing with so we went through the whole process in reverse. She didn't want him to play, so he went back to the castle. I was amazed. After a while Y asked her if she wanted to play with the castle with him & she said no. Normally she'd have said yes & gone over only for him to say he didn't want her to play!

We kept it up all day and by home time they were actually asking each other if they could play, without any prompting from me. We still had the odd fall out with Y (the 3 year old) throwing himself on the floor when X told him he couldn't have one particular sticklebrick because she was using it, but on the whole it was quite successful. I'll keep trying it & see how it goes

[toddlers896]

I'm always sceptical about these 'theories', but I have to say, I did find this one quite interesting.

The 2 children I tried it on are 3 & 4. They argue about everything. One will say they're going to play with a particular toy, so the other one will go tearing across the room to get there first. There's no point telling them to play together because they won't. The two of them will sit there playing tug of war with a toy & looking to me to sort it out. If I say X wanted it first, Y will throw something or get stroppy, while X will give them a sly grin. To be honest, neither of them really wants the toy, they just don't want the other one to have it.

So, I started this technique this morning. The Happyland castle was out and Y decided he wanted to play with it. X dashed over & they pushed each other out of the way to get to the same chair (despite there being 2 chairs). I said "Y was here first. X, you will have to ask Y if you can play with the castle with him" She did and Y said no, he didn't want her to play. I then told her to ask if he would tell her when he'd finished playing with it and he sad he would. She wandered off quite happily & played with something else.
Y then of course wanted to play with what she was playing with so we went through the whole process in reverse. She
Mdidn't want him to play, so he went back to the castle. I was amazed. After a while Y asked her if she wanted to play with the castle with him & she said no. Normally she'd have said yes & gone over only for him to say he didn't want her to play!

We kept it up all day and by home time they were actually asking each other if they could play, without any prompting from me. We still had the odd fall out with Y (the 3 year old) throwing himself on the floor when X told him he couldn't have one particular sticklebrick because she was using it, but on the whole it was quite successful. I'll keep trying it & see how it goes

That's brilliant mouse, I love this technique. I just keep forgetting what to say and end up making it up as I go along but I know it would be more affective if I used the words in the link.
I think it works because the child is more in control and feels happy because it is them that's making the decisions and not us. I plan to keep doing it as its def more effective than time out. My mindee was telling me no when I said time out, this way she listens and talks more x