Is this normal behaviour and how do I deal with it

toddlers896 · 03-10-2014, 08:28 AM

I am really struggling with a three and a half year olds behaviour. She is very aggressive towards the younger children. I have spoken to mum but I feel it is getting worse. This morning she was playing in the play house outside and one of the two year olds was trying to get in, firstly she slammed the door so he couldn't get in and then he was popping s head in the window saying peek a boo. She was pushing his forehead back time and time again so he couldn't look in the window and eventually I had to intervene as she got so aggressive. I asked her if she. Thinks this behaviour is acceptable and she said yes because it's only big people allowed in the house.
The kids can't have nothing in their hands, she grabs it from them will carry on doing what she was doing and then if they pick something else up she will grab that too.
She stands in front of crawling babies so they can't get past her, if they are crying she still does it and laughs. She also does this with walking children and will stand in front of them until the point they get angry with her and push to get past and then she knocks them over.
I really don't know wether this is all normal or not.
Somebody please advice and tell me how to deal with this as I am worried the other children will copy her and it's not a nice experience for them anyway x

**Carol M** · 03-10-2014, 01:47 PM

I would say fairly normal but not acceptable from a 3 1/2 yr old. I would suggest she needs more direct and clear boundaries as she's pushing them for whatever reason ( that's pretty normal too!) I have often got past the reasoning and explaining and giving choices to children who exhibit this sort of behaviour. It also depends on the behaviour at home/ with parents and how they respond.
Discuss with parents ways to be consistent and support this child with her self regulation by giving clear and consistent boundaries.
Blogs by Janet Lansbury are fantastic.
Good luck

toddlers896 · 03-10-2014, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by Carol M

I would say fairly normal but not acceptable from a 3 1/2 yr old. I would suggest she needs more direct and clear boundaries as she's pushing them for whatever reason ( that's pretty normal too!) I have often got past the reasoning and explaining and giving choices to children who exhibit this sort of behaviour. It also depends on the behaviour at home/ with parents and how they respond.
Discuss with parents ways to be consistent and support this child with her self regulation by giving clear and consistent boundaries.
Blogs by Janet Lansbury are fantastic.
Good luck

Thanks carol. Have spoke with mum today and this is the way she plays with children at home. They don't mind as she is excited and loves to play with children!!! I explained this is not playing or being excited, this is bullying the younger children and they are not old enough to stick up for themselves and she just said to the child why do you do this. The child laughed and I ended up saying that if she thinks it's funny and it carries on then she will have to start going to school as ime not prepared to put up with this in my home. This was probably not the best way to deal with it but I feel like ime not getting anywhere.
I am thinking about suggesting to the parent that the child goes to school for her free 15hrs rather than me as she is maybe needing a challenge and is ready to move on and be with people more her own age. Do you think this would be a wrong move ? Thanks

**Ripeberry** · 03-10-2014, 05:18 PM

So the mum thinks it's 'normal' behaviour? Well that says it all. The child has not had any real boundaries and been taught respect for younger children. Yes, she needs to be in an environment where she is NOT the only big fish in the pond. Life lesson coming up!

toddlers896 · 03-10-2014, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by Ripeberry

So the mum thinks it's 'normal' behaviour? Well that says it all. The child has not had any real boundaries and been taught respect for younger children. Yes, she needs to be in an environment where she is NOT the only big fish in the pond. Life lesson coming up!

Thanks for your reply. It really annoys me when parents say oh she is only playing. She loves running round and play fighting etc but seriously this is not play fighting. She got worse this afternoon, she grabbed a handful of toys from a box, had a very angry look on her face and chucked them in the air and told the younger ones to do it. Then she was trying to get them to run up and down the hall even though she knows we don't run in the house. When I said stop she aggressively picked up an umbrella and started banging it on the wall, threw it on the floor and then ran past the toddlers pushing them over as she ran. This is NOT playing.
When ime talking to the mum I actually feel guilty and then start doubting wether i am being too hard.

**funemnx** · 03-10-2014, 07:49 PM

It certainly sounds like she is ready to go to playschool now to get her ready for big school. There comes a time when children need to be in a more structured environment, especially if parents aren't on board with defining behaviour supporting our working practices

**Ripeberry** · 03-10-2014, 10:03 PM

Is she an only child? Problem is some parents LIKE to see that their prodigy is strong and fearless. But it's not the way to go in society. I would not tolerate it, neither should you. The parents need to see it as well. Otherwise, they will have years of being called into the headteachers office.

toddlers896 · 04-10-2014, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Ripeberry

Is she an only child? Problem is some parents LIKE to see that their prodigy is strong and fearless. But it's not the way to go in society. I would not tolerate it, neither should you. The parents need to see it as well. Otherwise, they will have years of being called into the headteachers office.

How did you guess. Yes an only child and gets everything. God knows how many different peppa pigs she has. What ever she wants she gets. Everything is hers, she walks into my playroom and says what u buy me tracy, if I say nothing it's for everybody she will say ok mummy but me it x

**redtiger21** · 05-10-2014, 10:30 PM

I think you can either choose to suggest she goes to pre school, or choose to keep her at your setting, but put in place some serious behaviour management plans. If you go for the latter, the child needs to know that there are consequences to bad behaviour (or whatever you want to call it), be it removal of a toy/privilege, thinking time/time out away from the fun, whatever you decide. These behaviours absolutely can be trained out of a child, that's a definite (assuming there are no underlying problems)- that might sound harsh, and for some it may be too un-PC, but I think you need to go a bit "old school" on her personally, and make sure she learns, through consequences like time out, how to make the right choices about how to behave. Be clear with her parents what you are doing, and ask for their support, then review the progress with them every week at first (you'll soon find out if they haven't been supporting you that way!), then less frequently as behaviour improves. Good luck xx