What to do wrt smelly child?

[mum67]

oh and I'm watching this post with interest for future reference

[leeloo1]

Oh I like the sound of wrapping him in a blanket when he comes for a hug, that makes great sense.

My DH suggested putting a peg on my nose!

[mum67]

Oh I like the sound of wrapping him in a blanket when he comes for a hug, that makes great sense.

My DH suggested putting a peg on my nose!

So shall we be calling you Peggy from now on then

[leeloo1]

Well, it looks like my name will have to be Peggy after all!

Having thought about all the options at length & tried a couple of them, LO arrived on Friday smelling worse than ever... so I decided I couldn't bear it and wrote a letter to the parents - apologising for raising the issue, but explaining there'd been a 'strong odour' on LO's clothes on several occasions (trying to be tactful & some days actually are worse than others) and suggesting several reasons for it... cold washes, not enough detergent etc etc etc. I asked if they could just do a couple of hot washes to sort the issue & maybe try a stronger detergent.

I felt proud of myself for raising the issue & very nervous at the thought of what they'd reply - worrying they'd be really upset and spend the weekend boil-washing clothes and feeling mortified! But I thought whatever the upset, at least it'd resolve the smell issue.

Well! Turns out I really needn't have worried about them being upset at all! Kid turned up this morning smelling really bad (I thought he'd done a poo, but he hadn't & my assistant described it as a 'wet vomit smell'!). I thought it was a bit odd, so looked in his bag and there was a note from Mum thanking me for my letter. She said she does 40 degree long washes anyway, line dries etc & that she's been through his clothes & can't smell anything and asked a couple of people who said they were fine and so thinks there isn't an issue...

I mean honestly... if someone (who is in very close contact with your child 10+ hours per day) told you your kid's clothes smelled how or why would you just say 'no they don't'?? I mean, I know smell is subjective (& its hard to smell odours if they 'belong' to you), but if I think surely common sense would suggest to them that if I think he smells bad I'm not going to want to hold him - which obviously they'll want/expect me to do.

This is really putting me off minding him (and minding in general - but I can't give notice as they paid retainer for him over the summer.

[loocyloo]

No advice or help ... But my mum smokes and everything in her house smells. Even clothes as soon as they are washed. When we go to stay we never take lots of clothes and we leave as much as possible in the car. When we get home everything has to go in the wash for a long hot wash. When she stays with us, everything she uses is washed on a long hot wash and spareroom is thoroughly cleaned and can take days to air and feel fresh.
Mum is aware but always says we are over reacting and no one else says she smells. She does, but it's just what she smells like.
I think families get used to their own smells and don't notice them.
Good luck. Xx

[Maza]

Poor you. Only you know if you can carry on looking after him or no. I have one little boy who I take straight to he bathroom for a wash as he arrives. Not due to poor hygiene but just that he plays out before he comes to me and his feet, hands and face are a bit grubby and I don't want that dirt in my house. Sometimes I change his shorts too if they look like he has been sitting outside in a muddy/dusty patch. The clothes in his bag are always clean and fresh though, so very different to your predicament.

If you keep him, I would start washing him on arrival and would be very tempted to change him into some clothes that I provided. I would by very cheap ones (primark, charity shop etc) and then decide whether I wanted to send him home in them or change him into his own clothes just before he goes home. If you send hem home, you could ask mum to send them back, either the next day or after she has 'washed' them. If she says that she has washed them when they come back to you then you will know that the smell is probably from the way she washes things. You could say that you changed him because you wondered if he had been sick a bit on the journey to your house. It would be interesting to see if, after a day at your house, having had a good wash and a set of clean clothes, whether he smells by the end of the day or not. Obviously it is a bit of an additional expense for you and long term you can't keep providing clothes as he grows.

Are the parents unkempt? I am assuming that you don't feel it is bad enough to be a safeguarding issue? x

[Ripeberry]

The only thing for it! Home visit! If the house stinks then that's your answer. They can't smell it! I would still give notice when you can. They will soon find out when LO goes to nursery/playschool or even school that there is a problem and if enough people talk to them about it then they might do something!

[AdeleMarie88]

Do you think this is more than parents not drying clothes properly? Could there be a safeguarding issue? I think I would want to do a home visit to try and find out more for myself. Is there a financial problem? Do they have a washing machine? I once discovered a parent was hand washing her childrens clothes in head and shoulders, she was really struggling with money and had to sell washing machine, but didn't want to tell anyone! Could this be a possibility for your parents to?

As talking to them didn't work, you need to try a different approach. For me giving notice would be last resort!

[smurfette]

Aw Hun don't know what to say, don't know what else you can do if you have been brave enough to be to the point! I might have thought she was embarrassed and going to sneakily fix the problem but apparently not!

anyway came across this just now and thought it might amuse you! (Know it's not funny but we all need a bit of light relief sometimes!)

http://adverts.ie/6424795

[Mouse]

Oh dear. I think you've done all you can by letting the parents know that their child smells, but if they don't accept it, you're a bit stuck.

Does the child actually smell, or just his clothes? I think I would get some clothes that you can change him into when he arrives at your house, then change him back again at home time. I know you've said it's difficult to do as you take photos throughout the day, but I think I'd rather work round that than have a smelly child.
I wonder if she has actually asked anyone if his clothes smell. If she's asked people while they've been in their house, they are probably so used to it that they wouldn't have thought it was any different to usual. Or they were just too polite to say "yes, you stink!"

[Maza]

Oh dear. I think you've done all you can by letting the parents know that their child smells, but if they don't accept it, you're a bit stuck.

Does the child actually smell, or just his clothes? I think I would get some clothes that you can change him into when he arrives at your house, then change him back again at home time. I know you've said it's difficult to do as you take photos throughout the day, but I think I'd rather work round that than have a smelly child.
I wonder if she has actually asked anyone if his clothes smell. If she's asked people while they've been in their house, they are probably so used to it that they wouldn't have thought it was any different to usual. Or they were just too polite to say "yes, you stink!"

My thoughts exactly, Mouse, about her having asked other people.

[toddlers896]

I was looking after a little girl not that long ago and I would say she was in the vulnerable 2 category. You can tell instantly the moment they walk in the door, the smell, the way they act etc. anyway I signed contracts with this parent and did things I wouldn't normally do i.e pick child up, drop off etc because I felt sorry for them. Her clothes were always clean but her socks had ground in dirt making them a grey colour and her coat used to really smell. It was like a musty/dirty smell and I will be completely honest, I couldn't cuddle her like I did the other kids as it was bad sometimes. After looking after her a few times I had a call from social services asking me what I thought of the child's appearance so I told them the truth. I didn't mention it to mum as I would have felt really embarrassed saying your child smells but I felt it was my duty to be honest with the sw. Anyway, next thing I have the mother on the phone ranting and raving that I said her daughter stunk. She wanted to come round to my house with her husband to hear it from my mouth what I said to the sw. I was absolutely *********myself to put it politely. I had to tell her to leave me alone in the end and I lost money too. So if I ever came across this situation again I think I would just stick the clothes in the washing machine and keep my mouth shut. We get no protection. If I have a real concern about a child then without doubt I will seek advice but I will never answer questions again from ss unless it's serious.

[Simona]

The only thing for it! Home visit! If the house stinks then that's your answer. They can't smell it! I would still give notice when you can. They will soon find out when LO goes to nursery/playschool or even school that there is a problem and if enough people talk to them about it then they might do something!

I agree and it was suggested back in August
Leeloo...It maybe the smell is from the house and will put any ''nagging worries'' ...if you have any...at rest once you have done a home visit...if no clues there then you need to get support

All the best and good luck

[leeloo1]

Thanks for that Smurfette, you really made me laugh with that picture! Thats exactly what I thought, that if it was me I might send a note justifying that I do clean/wash or whatever, but sneakily I'd be washing every single thing I owned and getting new detergent etc just in case there was any truth in it!

Mouse, you're so right! How many people will actually say "you stink" to someone - even if its true. It was hard enough for me to do and that was only as I felt I had no choice! (And it was a bit pointless as its achieved nothing!) And the mum'll probably only have asked her husband/mum, who will be used to how they smell anyway.

It was a miserable day tbh, as I feel so upset and frustrated that the parents haven't done anything after I really stressed myself out by sending the letter, but have cheered up getting support here, so thanks.

I think that the home visit would be a good idea to work out why the smell is there, but what reason can I give for it? Other than 'I want to see if your house is stinky' - and judging by the smell & that the parents can't smell it then I think we can safely assume that it does. As LoocyLoo said - you get used to your own smells!

To try and answer all the questions....

I don't think its bad enough to be a safeguarding issue - the LO on the whole looks clean and his clothes look clean, they just smell! The parents are well-to-do, I don't think there are any financial issues as they both have good jobs (I know you can never tell 100%), but they look quite grungy/laid-back and sometimes have a BO/unwashed smell on drop off, which can't help with the clothes issue.

I don't know... I guess I'll just see how it goes. Poor baby though, he's the one that'll miss out on hugs if he's stinky (which you'd think his parents would have the common sense to realise!).

[Simona]

Thanks for that Smurfette, you really made me laugh with that picture! Thats exactly what I thought, that if it was me I might send a note justifying that I do clean/wash or whatever, but sneakily I'd be washing every single thing I owned and getting new detergent etc just in case there was any truth in it!

Mouse, you're so right! How many people will actually say "you stink" to someone - even if its true. It was hard enough for me to do and that was only as I felt I had no choice! (And it was a bit pointless as its achieved nothing!) And the mum'll probably only have asked her husband/mum, who will be used to how they smell anyway.

It was a miserable day tbh, as I feel so upset and frustrated that the parents haven't done anything after I really stressed myself out by sending the letter, but have cheered up getting support here, so thanks.

I think that the home visit would be a good idea to work out why the smell is there, but what reason can I give for it? Other than 'I want to see if your house is stinky' - and judging by the smell & that the parents can't smell it then I think we can safely assume that it does. As LoocyLoo said - you get used to your own smells!

To try and answer all the questions....

I don't think its bad enough to be a safeguarding issue - the LO on the whole looks clean and his clothes look clean, they just smell! The parents are well-to-do, I don't think there are any financial issues as they both have good jobs (I know you can never tell 100%), but they look quite grungy/laid-back and sometimes have a BO/unwashed smell on drop off, which can't help with the clothes issue.

I don't know... I guess I'll just see how it goes. Poor baby though, he's the one that'll miss out on hugs if he's stinky (which you'd think his parents would have the common sense to realise!).

Leeloo...in your shoes I would not judge the smell but what is making the child pick it up...I would also seek confidential advice from those who may be able to help you
you have clarified now that you think it is the clothes ...not the child
You say you don't think there are financial worries for the family...but you add you can never tell
they look laid back...have BO sometimes.... and an unwashed smell...themselves or their clothes?

The baby you think will miss on hugs because of this matter...that is sad and as said how long before other children will start pointing and maybe bullying?
not trying to be negative but thinking of all scenarios

As others have said the parents themselves may not be aware of the smell...all you have to do is ask for a change of clothes....wash the smell off and put clean clothes on the child

If that makes your worries go away then you have acted...if not ...think of the child and do not procrastinate and make sure you have recorded this...just in case?

[VeggieSausage]

Ooh tricky one, I would definitely record it as it could be a sign of neglect......but if you say its the clothes rather than the child, could they live somewhere damp?

[Maza]

How are you getting on? Any improvement?

[mandy moo]

Apologies I know this is an oldish thread, just wanted to put my thoughts down as it were

Over the years I've had 3 friends, whos houses smelt of dogs, cigarette smoke, cooking odors, body odors.
Friend 1, his body odor was awful, not just BO, as much as I hate to say it, horrible, he was lovely tho, used antiperspirant etc, we lost touch years ago and although 'found each other' as it were, again on Facebook, we live to far away to be able to see each other now, so no idea whether he still has this problem.

Friend 2, His Mum (Im not an expert but I think she had some sort of learning difficulty, as did his younger sister) & Dad were, Now I think about it living well below the Poverty line, neither worked, on benefits drank Cider (I know I witnessed it) most of the day, every day, open fire in living room and smoked roll ups, fried potatoes/chips/egg with everthing, The dad admitted himself he used to go poaching to feed his family.

The other Friend, although Mum and Step Dad had jobs, not well payed, they also ate a lot of fried food, dogs and cats, a budgie, open fire, and smoked like troopers, they also drank at home and in the pub most night..

None seemed to be aware there was a certain smell about them, And I back then would not have said boo to a goose, so didnt sayanything, also didnt want to be unkind I guess either, As I say was a long time ago.


But then I had a female friend who wore back in the very early 80s a perfume, which to this day when I smell it, still makes me gag.. not sure what it was Obsession or something, to me even now when I smell it, it still smells like dead, moulding, rotting leaves/fungi, just horrible...

Sorry for the essay, not sure of what Im trying to say, But personally op I think you going to have to prehaps bite the bullet and be more forcefull? when mentioning again, Sorry.

[KateA]

hi hope you got it all sorted and home visit went well, just a thought do you think they could be using rain water to wash clothes in the washing machine? you can buy big storage butts that enables you to collect all rainwater of your come and then it gets plumbed in and used to flush toilet etc

[leeloo1]

Hey, thanks for thinking of me.

Nothing has really changed, but LO has settled in well, and is now walking, so isn't crawling all over me wanting hugs anymore.

We've been going out loads, so he spends the morning pottering around the park (downwind of me! ) then either lunch out or at home (highchair), then home for naps, then school pick up (in buggy). Then we do an activity - either round the table or free-play in the playroom. So the physical contact is there when necessary but limited. When I need to hug him or if he's looking sad/tired I'm using the blanket trick suggested up-thread.

Its really sad, as he is the prettiest little boy you can imagine and he'd be adorable if it wasn't for the smell, but if the parents don't think there is a smell problem then there's nothing I can do - I think to speak to them again would offend them, but if they ask me I'll be honest.

Oh actually, just thought of 1 new thing that's happened - 1 of the other mindees (3 year old) hugged him last week & said 'leeloo, xxxxx is really smelly!' I was caught on the hop and just said 'oh really?' & she said 'he smells all over his body.' Eeek, that could be a bit awkward!