Parents comments really annoyed me

[toddlers896]

Omg I am really shocked at a parents attitude and don't know how to handle this.
One of my mindees got bit yesterday by another minded child. Third time now so I phoned the child's parent to ask how they are dealing with this. Anyway to cut the story short the grandmother said to their other childminder (we job share) that it serves my mindee child right and it gets her back for the time she hurt him. I am really peeved at this. Ime trying not to take it personally but this has got my back up.

[ziggy]

I was chatting to a childminder friend about how parent comments can be so upsetting. BUT now i have realised they are not a personal criticism of me, more a case of 'guilty working mothers syndrome'. Also it seems to me, now i'm in my 50's, that parents and grandparents cant see any wrong in their little darlings.

Parents seem to be getting worse as the years go on. Quite scary to think how this generation will be as adults

It's not easy but try not to let it upset you.

[Koala]

Yes, I agree with Ziggy, I would ignore what granny has said to the other childminder and maybe consider that it is a bit of a flippant comment and maybe the other childminder has also relayed the situation incorrectly? a bit like chinese whispers, maybe?

I would address the biting with the parents and parents only ignore input or comments from elsewhere. But when the child is in your care - YOU have to be responsible for him/her - I can hear it now, parents probably saying what can they do? your looking after her/him. Which can't be argued with. I would possibly have a meeting to discuss how it is affecting others and try and get everyone reading from the same book even if it isn't the same page. Not sure from your post if parents have been totally oblivious to their childs actions or just don't care and if this is the case it's up to you to deal with it in your setting. Good luck

[bunyip]

All good advice there. Just to add another dimension...................

I don't mean to be rude; only asking cos the information isn't in your OP. Were you previously aware of the incident to which the grandmother referred? i.e."that it serves my mindee child right and it gets her back for the time she hurt him." How was it dealt with?

I'm trying to see the other side of this and wonder is grandma is just as peeved as you are. Not necessarily your fault if this happened on your co-CM's watch, but there's every possibility Grandma may see you (from her point of view) as being jointly responsible for each other's work if you are job-sharing. At the very least, she may have taken it that children hurt one another as a matter of course, and that it is regarded as "normal" especially if the biter has told granny he was hurt and nothing was done about it? or if you did act upon that incident but the resolution was not made known to grandma? (Not saying that's the case, as I can't tell from your post, but isn't it a possibility worth looking into?)

I agree it needs sorting with the parents' help, and can sympathise with your frustration and feelings. However, feelings are not going to provide the solution. SO it's time to deal with the feelings as a separate matter from dealing with the problem. Hope it all works out.

[toddlers896]

All good advice there. Just to add another dimension...................

I don't mean to be rude; only asking cos the information isn't in your OP. Were you previously aware of the incident to which the grandmother referred? i.e."that it serves my mindee child right and it gets her back for the time she hurt him." How was it dealt with?

I'm trying to see the other side of this and wonder is grandma is just as peeved as you are. Not necessarily your fault if this happened on your co-CM's watch, but there's every possibility Grandma may see you (from her point of view) as being jointly responsible for each other's work if you are job-sharing. At the very least, she may have taken it that children hurt one another as a matter of course, and that it is regarded as "normal" especially if the biter has told granny he was hurt and nothing was done about it? or if you did act upon that incident but the resolution was not made known to grandma? (Not saying that's the case, as I can't tell from your post, but isn't it a possibility worth looking into?)

I agree it needs sorting with the parents' help, and can sympathise with your frustration and feelings. However, feelings are not going to provide the solution. SO it's time to deal with the feelings as a separate matter from dealing with the problem. Hope it all works out.

Yes I see where you are coming from. It was just an ignorant nasty comment from the grandmother to the other childminder and to be honest I won't work with people like this. The biter had an accident in my setting a few months ago and now that he has bit the child that accidentally did the accident she made this comment about he's only getting his own back. I've ignored it anyway and put my sensible head on, it just bugged me at the time and I needed to vent about her ignorant remarks. Sometimes it's just hard to keep quiet when parents don't work with you on things and think it's no big deal. This child bites very badly. He bit his sister again today and I was right next to him.
I love coming on here with scenarios like This because there is always somebody else that's had a similar incident and knows how to deal with it x. Happy Friday xx

[Maza]

I have quite often found Grandmas to be more emotional/protective than mums (not in every case, but certainly quite a few!). In future make a point of ONLY discussing things with the parents. If they are not around at the time, call them in the evening when you know they will be around. x

[Koala]

I have quite often found Grandmas to be more emotional/protective than mums (not in every case, but certainly quite a few!). In future make a point of ONLY discussing things with the parents. If they are not around at the time, call them in the evening when you know they will be around. x

Agree with the above plus, from my experience, maybe it's because Grandma's are from a couple of generations previous and often their views aren't quite - shall we say politically correct? And often they don't mellow or improve with age but can get quite bitter, selfish and down right rude ( well my mother in law is anyway) and ignorant, racist,sexist and just about any other ist you care to mention and oh yes she's a sweet, little grey haired old LADY!?

[ziggy]

Agree with the above plus, from my experience, maybe it's because Grandma's are from a couple of generations previous and often their views aren't quite - shall we say politically correct? And often they don't mellow or improve with age but can get quite bitter, selfish and down right rude ( well my mother in law is anyway) and ignorant, racist,sexist and just about any other ist you care to mention and oh yes she's a sweet, little grey haired old LADY!?

oh dear, i'm a grandma, hope i'm not like this lol Just off to have hair coloured so at least i wont be grey haired

[bunyip]

oh dear, i'm a grandma, hope i'm not like this lol Just off to have hair coloured so at least i wont be grey haired

I'm a grandad and I'm sure I am.

Oh yes, hair. I remember hair..............................