Really cross

**jackie 7** · 20-05-2014, 05:41 PM

Have a very temperamental lo. Poss asbergers I have worked so hard to settle him. Worked through his major tantrums. Settled him when a child goes earlier than him. Just been told he is leaving end of June so grandparents can look after him. Just when I thought I was about to make a living. I have thought for a while he might leave. He will go down hill now as he won't mix with other children. He disliked others being close to him. I am cross and needed to vent. I also worry about him and even though he is difficult he is wonderful.

**Koala** · 20-05-2014, 06:43 PM

Is he with you full time? do grandparents know what they are letting themselves in for? How old is he?

Poor you I bet you feel like you have been kicked in the teeth, it's a thankless task giving what we do, trying our very best for the lo's to help them through toils and tribulations. To see them make what we think are the wrong choices but at the end of the day we have to let go - they are someone elses responsibility. Chin up.

**smurfette** · 20-05-2014, 06:50 PM

Ah Jackie that sucks I know how hard you have worked.. I hate that we get so attached and can sometimes see what parents are doing isn't going to be best for child that's hard xx

**jackie 7** · 20-05-2014, 07:54 PM

He is 21 mts. Grand parents will follow him around holding his hand so hd doesn't fall over. I worry also because he will go to school at just 4 due yo August birthday. Hd was I. A holiday club a few months ago and screamed do much mum had to collect. Just want a new child ASAP. Also not silly 9-4.30 hours. Oh yes she wants emergency care!!! This mum fussed like fury when I wanted a variation for a few weeks.

**Kiddleywinks** · 20-05-2014, 09:37 PM

It's always possible that out of your setting, grandparents won't be able to cope for very long

**Koala** · 21-05-2014, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by Kiddleywinks

It's always possible that out of your setting, grandparents won't be able to cope for very long

I think this too. But I would probably not provide emergency care if mum asks or even have him back - purely and simply because this child sounds like he needs a consistent, continual care package that doesn't chop and change and everyone needs to know this - the sooner mum realizes the better but it sounds like lo will have to go through the mill before she realizes, it's no good constantly putting fires out by moving him from pillar to post. The kindest thing may well be withdraw your services all together when he leaves otherwise you will be pulling your hair out picking up the pieces and mum will rely on you to do this and in turn postponing the inevitable that she will have to get a grip on the situation. Tough - I know - but in the long run - the kindest thing to do. imo.

still hurts I know.

**Kiddleywinks** · 21-05-2014, 11:14 AM

I agree with Koala

Chances are it's because he's better behaved with you that mum feels his behaviour will be the same elsewhere, but without everyone being on the same page, of course, this won't happen.

Is mum in denial at all?

**smurfette** · 21-05-2014, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by Koala

I think this too. But I would probably not provide emergency care if mum asks or even have him back - purely and simply because this child sounds like he needs a consistent, continual care package that doesn't chop and change and everyone needs to know this - the sooner mum realizes the better but it sounds like lo will have to go through the mill before she realizes, it's no good constantly putting fires out by moving him from pillar to post. The kindest thing may well be withdraw your services all together when he leaves otherwise you will be pulling your hair out picking up the pieces and mum will rely on you to do this and in turn postponing the inevitable that she will have to get a grip on the situation. Tough - I know - but in the long run - the kindest thing to do. imo.

still hurts I know.

I think I would agree with that,. The Lo we talked about recently who was moved to a nursery cos speech therapist said he would be better off wanted to have her cake and eat it too, wanted me to keep a space one day a week in case she wanted to use it, when dad didnt bother taking him (they were separated) I got cross cos I felt like I wasn't good enough for her most of the time! Then I got cross with the chopping and changing and it fell apart when I said I would need paying for the day she wanted to change cos I had turned down ad hoc care so be very careful if you do!

**tess1981** · 21-05-2014, 12:04 PM

And if he gets pampered by granny imagine what he would be like if you covered for a day!!!!

**jackie 7** · 22-05-2014, 02:06 PM

Had such an awful morning with him. Screamed because a girl sat beside him, then because I asked him to put his coat away. Later because I wouldn't let him sit in the pushchair to go outside. Then later because a mum rang the door bell. You are all tight I won't have space for him if she needs it. All hid behaviours are funny at times yeah when he won't play in the playground as he wants to watch trains. Tantrums are caused by his not been able to speak. He leaves before he is 2. Do won't do his check.

**sarah707** · 22-05-2014, 08:48 PM

Hugs Jackie.

Walk away - take a breath - advertise like mad xx

**KatieFS** · 22-05-2014, 09:03 PM

I would feel the same - kick in the teeth. Sounds like a challenging little fella. I therefore assume he will be at least equally challenging with grand parents.
Sadly lots of parents feel the pinch financially - grandparents provide free financial childcare. But how long will they last with this little boy.
Bets on within a month they call you to take him back.
I would warn parents - I'm sure you have already - you can't hold the space open for them incase it doesn't work out.
Then you've been upfront.
I'd fill the space ASAP.

**jackie 7** · 23-05-2014, 08:10 AM

Thanks. They have just told me they will give notice when they know the date. Except as I am trying hard to fill it they might come back from holiday with notice from me!! With luck but do quiet here.

**tess1981** · 23-05-2014, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by jackie 7

Thanks. They have just told me they will give notice when they know the date. Except as I am trying hard to fill it they might come back from holiday with notice from me!! With luck but do quiet here.

That's what I would do if I can fill the space after they told me they leaving but not sure when I would give the contracted notice if I got an enquiry. I would advertise now and keep fingers crossed

**Daisy1956** · 23-05-2014, 09:58 AM

Sending you hugs I agree with others walk away otherwise parents will use you when grandparents are fed up and want a break. I was very quiet in Dec now full. Hope things pick up for you. It always seems to be the ones we do the most for who are the worst.

**smurfette** · 23-05-2014, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by jackie 7

Thanks. They have just told me they will give notice when they know the date. Except as I am trying hard to fill it they might come back from holiday with notice from me!! With luck but do quiet here.

Really?! So they want to have their cake and eat
It huh?! fill the space ASAP and give notice, make the ball in your court ., hugs xx