Would you let Mindee go hungry if they refuse to eat? - feeling really bad at moment.

[jadavi]

Keep them coming Bunyip
Love your posts they make me laugh and get me out of bed in the mornings!!

[smurfette]

.....and where are all the parents who "...are struggling financially..." in London's most affluent Borough (average property price now touching £1/2 million) ? I never saw many. I, like most people on this thread, am speaking from my own experience, and would prefer not to be dictated to based on the assumptions someone else has made about my clients. I call my fussy eater such, because she is fussy about her eating. I'm a bit out of touch, rather old-fashioned, and prefer straight-talking to the current fashion for beating about the linguistic bush. What do I call it when a child refuses the exact same meal she "loved" last week, or makes vulgar noises and pulls rude faces at the mere mention of a meal she's never even seen? I don't happen to know the current fashionable term for this in the 'professional' 'educare' circles, when they're pontificating in between blowing the froth off their double-skinny-cappu-lattes in the college refectory. I have no problem calling a spade a spade (or a ******* shovel, if I prefer.) I'm not calling her to her face, or her parent, so I'm not "labelling" her in a harmful way. As Sherlock would put it, "I'm not insulting [her], I'm describing [her]". Yes, Veggie is right: so much of this is down to the parents. Every time I get a 'fussy', I find they are being pandered to at home and spoilt by other relations they go to. Anything for a quiet life, whilst grandma supplies a constant flow of 'treats' to make them 'love' her more. It's not at all about parents being too busy in the evening (unless you count their social life as a jolly good reason for being 'too busy' to consider their child's health) - it's about convenience and taking the path of least resistance, then expecting the CM to deliver on nutritional requirements and civilising the child (presumably with the school then taking up the baton in due time.) And note how the Gove-rnment seems to think it's going to solve all the child health woes with school food (especially since the Olympic 'legacy' is proving a bit too flabby and tired to fix anything.) (OMG - just got sympathetic with schools - must've forgotten my tablets. ) My mum had up to 3 jobs going at any one time, and frequently had to leave a meal for me to come home to whilst she was out. I was an awkward s0d about food, but I can at least say she took the trouble to leave a good meal. The parents I've had of fussy eaters are not giving them quick & easy meals cos they have to dash off to work of an evening: their evenings are spent with the TV or going out. Ironically, if I'd been a child in this day and age, I'd probably be in care. Mum leaving a good meal whilst going out to work to support us would be classed as 'neglect' by the 'professionals'. Presumably, preferring a quiet no-fights evening with the TV over making an effort to feed them properly falls into the category of 'perfectly acceptable'.

Hear hear bunyip!!!!!

[Simona]

Maza...I do not think or judge cms involved in this discussion...I just gave my opinion as this is an open forum that allows freedom of speech?
I started by saying if there was a need to 'label' children 'fussy eaters'?
It seems to me in this culture there is a label for everything and everyone....I do not agree with labelling

I was arguing for the children's point of view...but have to say I find some of the comment rather worrying and personal from some....I don't feel it is necessary

Bunyip...yes I do live in the south and yes there are many affluent parents ...BUT...there is also poverty down here
Please Stop judging or guessing what we are... what we do or how we struggle...how do you know?

There is no 'educare' circle...as you call it...another label... and there is no reason to constantly use your sarcasm in any discussion, some find it amusing ...many do not.
I respect your views but please respect others' too...this forum is for info sharing not amusement but I am sure there is a place for that too in the right section.

[bunyip]

Sexism alert - quick, read this post before it gets deleted....

Keep them coming Bunyip
Love your posts they make me laugh and get me out of bed in the mornings!!

Oh no................................!!!!!

Just goes to show I'm getting oooooooooooolllllllllllldddddddddddddd........

.........I used to be able to get the laydeez into bed - now I get them out of bed.

It happens to us all, eventually.

[bunyip]

Maza...I do not think or judge cms involved in this discussion...I just gave my opinion as this is an open forum that allows freedom of speech?
I started by saying if there was a need to 'label' children 'fussy eaters'?
It seems to me in this culture there is a label for everything and everyone....I do not agree with labelling

I was arguing for the children's point of view...but have to say I find some of the comment rather worrying and personal from some....I don't feel it is necessary

Bunyip...yes I do live in the south and yes there are many affluent parents ...BUT...there is also poverty down here
Please Stop judging or guessing what we are... what we do or how we struggle...how do you know?

There is no 'educare' circle...as you call it...another label... and there is no reason to constantly use your sarcasm in any discussion, some find it amusing ...many do not.
I respect your views but please respect others' too...


this forum is for info sharing not amusement but I am sure there is a place for that too in the right section.

.............................. s'ppose I'd better toddle off and find a section where I'm allowed to express an opinion in a way I choose.

I'm clearly not allowed an opinion on an area where I spent a fair length of time living..........and studying. Whereas judgment can be freely made on my clients (not to mention other members') by one who has never seen..............

Respect other's views. That's obvious by the constant need to have the last word on anyone who disagrees. Disagreeing is "offensive". Observation is "sarcasm". War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. etc,

Off now..........................

[rickysmiths]

I find with all the children they enjoy eating more if they are included in the shopping and making of the meal. They also enjoy growing the food they eat and again I find they will often try different things if they have been included in the choice of what they grow and they help grow and crop.

Before anyone comments they don't have the room I managed to do this on a small scale in pots when I lived in a flat, you don't have to have a garden. We got 4lbs of runner beans from 2 beans planted in a 12 " pot on the balcony one year.

[Simona]

.............................. s'ppose I'd better toddle off and find a section where I'm allowed to express an opinion in a way I choose.

I'm clearly not allowed an opinion on an area where I spent a fair length of time living..........and studying. Whereas judgment can be freely made on my clients (not to mention other members') by one who has never seen..............

Respect other's views. That's obvious by the constant need to have the last word on anyone who disagrees. Disagreeing is "offensive". Observation is "sarcasm". War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. etc,

Off now..........................

Have the last word Bunyip as you appear to be misunderstanding on purpose
Have a good day!

[Mouse]

One of the tricks I have found that works is to cut out a morning snack. By lunchtime, and after a busy morning, the children are usually ravenous and ready to eat whatever I put in front of them.

I do sometimes wonder if fussy eaters aren't really that hungry when they sit down to eat, so can afford to be picky. If they've had a good breakfast, they should really last through until lunchtime.

It's the same in the afternoon. If a child has a snack quite late on, are they still hungry enough to eat whatever food is served up? I think we can all be fussy about our food when we're not starving for it, but if we're truly hungry and ready for a meal, we'll probably eat most things.

I also think you do have to take into account that some children simply don't like certain food... and that their tastes can change. I don't serve anything that I know a child definitely doesn't like, but I also allow for a few faddy preferences. If I think a child is hungry, but doesn't want what I've prepared, I will make that a sandwich instead, but only as a one-off, not as a regular occurrence.

[tess1981]

One of the tricks I have found that works is to cut out a morning snack. By lunchtime, and after a busy morning, the children are usually ravenous and ready to eat whatever I put in front of them.

I do sometimes wonder if fussy eaters aren't really that hungry when they sit down to eat, so can afford to be picky. If they've had a good breakfast, they should really last through until lunchtime.

It's the same in the afternoon. If a child has a snack quite late on, are they still hungry enough to eat whatever food is served up? I think we can all be fussy about our food when we're not starving for it, but if we're truly hungry and ready for a meal, we'll probably eat most things.

I also think you do have to take into account that some children simply don't like certain food... and that their tastes can change. I don't serve anything that I know a child definitely doesn't like, but I also allow for a few faddy preferences. If I think a child is hungry, but doesn't want what I've prepared, I will make that a sandwich instead, but only as a one-off, not as a regular occurrence.

It's funny you should say that I am minding a lo who decided to stop eating dinner for no reason she normally would eat everything and one day said no. This went on for ages so I decided one day not to give her any snacks and what til lunch time for her first food she was starving and ate her lunch. I told mum this was what I was doing and she was supportive now we are back to normal am snack lunch and pm snack all being ate

[Fitrix]

Thing is children in this country are never truly hungry. Real hunger is no access to food for days on end! We and our children are spoilt by a easily accessible constant supply of food - healthy and unhealthy that even the poorest can afford.

[bunyip]

Have the last word Bunyip as you appear to be misunderstanding on purpose
Have a good day!

In response to having one's obvious superiority challenged, refer to checklist:-
"misunderstood" - check.
"freedom of speech" - check
"I'm not allowed an opinion" - oh no, someone got there first.
"you are rude/offensive/a bully" - oh that's not gonna work since I just came out against labelling. Oh bu88er.

The point is that the OP raised a genuine practical problem with a fussy eater (or it's current pc equivalent label.) I share the same problem, and with interest around 50 posts, it seems likely we're not the only 2. This is a real problem and people (including Bunyip-The-Thicky) come here looking for genuine solutions. It's not even one of those questions that come up which could be solved by a closer reading of the regulations or a greater willingness to follow them - so, more than ever, I'm interested in members' responses.

I'm not afraid to admit to my lack of perfection. Hand on heart, I stand in awe of all the many CMs who cope so well with the challenges of children and come up with practical solutions time after time. I struggle with so much at the CMing equivalent of the shop-floor. OK, there are some things I do pretty well, in between my inadequacies and (more than) fair share of total bloopers. And I'm utterly amazed that the odd CM never seems to have a single problem they can't handle without the support of fellow-members. I have opinions, but I for one do not come to the forum to be admired.

Like far too many of the practical daily issues facing CMs, this is not being addressed by any number of qualifications, or courses, or the simplistic notions of health/childcare 'professionals'. As has already been said, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of regulations and conflicting health fashions. Some of us are stuck there together with a child who won't eat, parents who won't help, and other (non-fussy) mindees don't understand what is going on and why the one with the challenging behaviour is getting all the attention.

Within that scenario, I'm very interested in what other members do, and what they have to say.

But I don't think I or others need lecturing on whether we're using the current 'right-on' fashionable terms for a "culinarily challenging" (???) child's behaviour, when we all know what we mean by the plain and simple "fussy eater". Nor do we need excuses making for our parents, especially when I for one know the specific cases I have in mind have not been in any genuine financial hardship (which is not the same thing as trying to pursue a lifestyle they cannot afford.)

[Simona]

In response to having one's obvious superiority challenged, refer to checklist:-
"misunderstood" - check.
"freedom of speech" - check
"I'm not allowed an opinion" - oh no, someone got there first.
"you are rude/offensive/a bully" - oh that's not gonna work since I just came out against labelling. Oh bu88er.

The point is that the OP raised a genuine practical problem with a fussy eater (or it's current pc equivalent label.) I share the same problem, and with interest around 50 posts, it seems likely we're not the only 2. This is a real problem and people (including Bunyip-The-Thicky) come here looking for genuine solutions. It's not even one of those questions that come up which could be solved by a closer reading of the regulations or a greater willingness to follow them - so, more than ever, I'm interested in members' responses.

I'm not afraid to admit to my lack of perfection. Hand on heart, I stand in awe of all the many CMs who cope so well with the challenges of children and come up with practical solutions time after time. I struggle with so much at the CMing equivalent of the shop-floor. OK, there are some things I do pretty well, in between my inadequacies and (more than) fair share of total bloopers. And I'm utterly amazed that the odd CM never seems to have a single problem they can't handle without the support of fellow-members. I have opinions, but I for one do not come to the forum to be admired.

Like far too many of the practical daily issues facing CMs, this is not being addressed by any number of qualifications, or courses, or the simplistic notions of health/childcare 'professionals'. As has already been said, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of regulations and conflicting health fashions. Some of us are stuck there together with a child who won't eat, parents who won't help, and other (non-fussy) mindees don't understand what is going on and why the one with the challenging behaviour is getting all the attention.

Within that scenario, I'm very interested in what other members do, and what they have to say.

But I don't think I or others need lecturing on whether we're using the current 'right-on' fashionable terms for a "culinarily challenging" (???) child's behaviour, when we all know what we mean by the plain and simple "fussy eater". Nor do we need excuses making for our parents, especially when I for one know the specific cases I have in mind have not been in any genuine financial hardship (which is not the same thing as trying to pursue a lifestyle they cannot afford.)

I hope that your lecture makes you feel better Bunyip...I still believe you totally misunderstood my intention and meaning
You have had your say ...have a good evening.

[tess1981]

This is like a game of tennis lol has me hooked.

[bunyip]

This is like a game of tennis lol has me hooked.

You're suggesting some sort of 'love' match ?

Anyway, back on topic..........................

There seems to be a wide and fascinating variety of techniques/approaches to "self-limiting-culinary-selectors-who-make-puking-noises" (aka "fussy eaters") amongst CMs posting here.

I'm really interested to know the sort of feedback CMs have had from inspectors about the different approaches used. Do Ofsted appear to approve or disapprove of, for example:
Offering an alternative? (i.e."They need energy, so they've got to fill up on whatever you can get in their bellies.")
If so, what alternative?
Withholding pudding?
Treats and rewards?
Refusing an alternative? (i.e. "It's there; they'll eat it if they're hungry.")

I'm not passing judgement on what other CMs have tried (goD knows, I've tried and failed enough times) but I'd be interested in Ofsted inspectors' judgments and comments on the ideas raised here.

[Rickers83]

Mrs O told me we are not allowed to withhold pudding or use it as a reward,
Which I have found quite difficult as I was bought up with "if you don't eat your befores, you don't get your afters" & have always done the same with my own children

Its been very difficult as my children are still quite young & cant understand why x doesn't eat his dinner but still gets a yoghurt!

[ziggy]

Mrs O told me we are not allowed to withhold pudding or use it as a reward,
Which I have found quite difficult as I was bought up with "if you don't eat your befores, you don't get your afters" & have always done the same with my own children

Its been very difficult as my children are still quite young & cant understand why x doesn't eat his dinner but still gets a yoghurt!

i have never understood this idea, surely children will love a diet of sugary, fruity yoghurts?

[AliceK]

I have never been asked anything to do with this from an Ofsted inspector and I have never asked the question to them myself.
I am open and honest with parents about how I deal with these things though.

xxx

[ziggy]

I have never been asked anything to do with this from an Ofsted inspector and I have never asked the question to them myself.
I am open and honest with parents about how I deal with these things though.

xxx

Thankfully there is no ofsted here. I always tell parents if child hasnt eaten in my setting. All mindees bring their own food, I just provide drinks and fruit

[munch149]

I'm more one for they have got to have tried it. I don't withhold pudding but natural yoghurt and fruit is given to those who have not eaten at least some of there main.

[mama2three]

cunningly I now cant get the image out of my head of Bunyip '' beating around a linguistic bush!!''