Need some reassurance please!
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  1. #1
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    Default Need some reassurance please!

    Hi, I'm just after a bit of reassurance that I haven't done a terrible thing: I have a mindee who currently attends on a tues, term time only. His mum is thinking of doing more days at work, and asked me to let her know once a space becomes available on a weds or thurs, which I assured her I would. A couple of weeks ago, I was given a finishing date for the twins who attend on a thurs- I'm only going to fill one of their spaces, as I'm reducing my numbers, so that would leave a space on a thurs as of the start of April. However, another parent requested the space as soon as she found out the twins are leaving- and this parent wants to go full time, 5days a week, all yr round, so I gave the space to her instead. The mum of the Tuesday child txt me this eve to say she's seen the twins' mum this weekend, and have I got a Thursday space now? I replied that I was really sorry but unfortunately the space was already gone as a parent wanting full time year-round care had taken it, which was something I couldn't afford to turn down, and I hope she understands. She hasn't replied! Is there anyone who would have turned down the mum wanting full time care? I don't hold spaces for people without payment, so the space wasn't guaranteed for the Tuesday mum, but I can't help feeling a little bad, and I'll be seeing her at a toddler group I attend this Monday, and I don't want things to be awkward! x

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    Two sides to this.

    You have done the right thing for you financially.

    The mum who hasn't got the place wont see it like that though she will see it as you saying you would save her a place and then not.

    Unfortunately certain decisions will never please everyone.
    When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to go slam a revolving door

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    Hi,

    I think I see this from both sides. I see you couldn't turn down full time care and I see from mums view that she asked in advanced for you to let her know and you said you would only to give to someone else.

    Risk is now of losing this mindee as if mum cant get care for Thursday she may need to find another minder who can accommodate her.

    Just apologise on Monday - I sure things will work out for all of you x

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    I understand why you came to the decision that you did, and I don't blame you. However I can't say that what you did was right, because I wouldn't want to be that mom, and I can see how she may be annoyed. I think she will, in time, understand your position. Just try and be nice, and hopefully mom can see the bigger picture x

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    Is there no way you could allow her another day for continuity of care reasons?

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    Unfortunately I don't have another day I can offer her as spaces are filled. For some reason I kind of feel worse having read these replies, as nicely as they've been worded! I'll just have to apologise on Monday, hopefully she'll understand. I guess from my point of view, I said I'd let her know if a space became available, but a space never became available as it was taken immediately. And I feel that many would perhaps make the same choice as me in my position. I think next time I'll have to make it clear to people that I can't guarantee anything, just in case it gets their hopes up too much. It'd be a shame to lose her little boy, but on the other hand, I'd still be worse off financially saying no to the other family. A bit of a learning curve, this job!

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    I think you have absolutely done the right thing and I would have done the same. However I can understand why the parent who hasnt got the space is probably annoyed as she wont see it like you do! Can you not grant yourself a variation under the circumstances a few weeks down the line to avoid the child having to go to a new setting? I think that is what I would do as long as you risk assess and are totally confident in meeting all the children's needs and of course want to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redtiger21 View Post
    Unfortunately I don't have another day I can offer her as spaces are filled.!
    But if the thurs space was originally held by twins ,did you not end up with 2 spaces free? So effectively you've filled one with the full timer and have one spare?

    I do think you've done the right thing in terms of putting yourself first financially and I'd have done the same. I imagine the parent wanting more hours expected she was next in line for more hours with her already having a child with you, and probably was put out that you chose new business over her. If it were me I'd have a word face to face explaining the situation and apologising. It's just the nature of the business that you can't please everybody! Xx

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    I have 3 parents all wanting to add/swap to a Tuesday whenever possible. So every time it looks possible I have to work out who and how things fit in best and go from there.
    I have said to them all that I will do the best I can but can't promise anything.

    Am thinking maybe easy solution is to get assistant on the Tues but I'd rather not!

  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by redtiger21 View Post
    Unfortunately I don't have another day I can offer her as spaces are filled. For some reason I kind of feel worse having read these replies, as nicely as they've been worded! I'll just have to apologise on Monday, hopefully she'll understand. I guess from my point of view, I said I'd let her know if a space became available, but a space never became available as it was taken immediately. And I feel that many would perhaps make the same choice as me in my position. I think next time I'll have to make it clear to people that I can't guarantee anything, just in case it gets their hopes up too much. It'd be a shame to lose her little boy, but on the other hand, I'd still be worse off financially saying no to the other family. A bit of a learning curve, this job!
    What does your contract say?
    do you have an 'admission policy? if so how do you decide who takes priority: current parents who want more hours or those who approached you and it means more money?

    do you have a waiting list?
    It may be advisable to create a very simple form where the parents can record their request to 'increase' their hours and you keep evidence of that...then decide whether to do 'first come first served' or apply another method...but be careful because parents do talk to each other and could raise this matter
    Last edited by Simona; 16-03-2014 at 09:40 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redtiger21 View Post
    For some reason I kind of feel worse having read these replies, as nicely as they've been worded!
    Probably because you didn't get the replies you wanted! I see you've got your reassurance elsewhere though

    I don't think you've done anything wrong in taking on the full time child, but would perhaps have worded it a bit differently to the first mum, leaving out anything about money. When you next see her just say that you're sorry, the space had already been promised, but you do still have her down as interested when a Wed or Thur space becomes available

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    Lifes tough and we often don't get what we want, so I wouldn't worry too much about the mum who hasn't got the space - you can only run your business as you see fit and that has to be accepted.

    For future reference any requests for extra day's I would just say - I will put you on my list!

    Reasons not to fret:

    1. You do not owe parents anything other than what they pay for.
    2. You run your business not them.
    3. A parent wouldn't give too hoots about dropping days if they didn't need them
    4. This child is term time only and I presume gets discounted rates in hols (money that you loose)
    5. You have to do right by yourself because no one else will
    6. I think it's very rude of parent not to reply to your text even though she didn't get what she wanted, if it was me, I probably wouldn't consider her for extra days now anyway -dependent on how she reacts. being an **** does not get you what you want.

    I would not apologize for yourself as I do not feel you have anything to apologize for but if the parents has an issue, I would probably say "I am sorry YOU! feel that way".

    I can understand parent being miffed but just because she hasn't been given what she wants and someone else has doesn't mean she can act like a spoiled child and make you feel bad. Another reason why she might not get what she wants in future!

    Good luck at playgroup tomorrow, remember if parent is rude or makes you feel bad it is their problem and shows her true colours.
    Last edited by FussyElmo; 16-03-2014 at 01:12 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Koala View Post
    Lifes tough and we often don't get what we want, so I wouldn't worry too much about the mum who hasn't got the space - you can only run your business as you see fit and that has to be accepted.

    For future reference any requests for extra day's I would just say - I will put you on my list!

    Reasons not to fret:

    1. You do not owe parents anything other than what they pay for.
    2. You run your business not them.
    3. A parent wouldn't give too hoots about dropping days if they didn't need them
    4. This child is term time only and I presume gets discounted rates in hols (money that you loose)
    5. You have to do right by yourself because no one else will
    6. I think it's very rude of parent not to reply to your text even though she didn't get what she wanted, if it was me, I probably wouldn't consider her for extra days now anyway -dependent on how she reacts. being an **** does not get you what you want.

    I would not apologize for yourself as I do not feel you have anything to apologize for but if the parents has an issue, I would probably say "I am sorry YOU! feel that way".

    I can understand parent being miffed but just because she hasn't been given what she wants and someone else has doesn't mean she can act like a spoiled child and make you feel bad. Another reason why she might not get what she wants in future!

    Good luck at playgroup tomorrow, remember if parent is rude or makes you feel bad it is their problem and shows her true colours.
    Wow! I am a parent and my kid goes to a childminder at moment whilst I work ib a hospital and training for my childminding course.

    I really do not think mum was being an *** just because she didn't reply back! She may be busy or something. Plus there not much she could reply back and maybe will talk to OP tomorrow at playgroup.

    Mum not an enemy here! She just may be tad upset about fact she asked OP to let her know if space came available - she was told space was available then it wasn't.

    No one to fault here but before you state mum is an **** and you wouldn't give her any new days because she acting spoilt and may see true colours today...

    It these parents who mean you have a job however small and that should be respected too. It a two way thing.

    Gosh makes me think if that how childminders see us parents maybe I been completely blind!
    Last edited by FussyElmo; 16-03-2014 at 01:13 PM.

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    Please can I ask all members to remember that this post is in the general childminding chat area so viewable to everyone. So I ask that please be mindful of what you post
    When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to go slam a revolving door

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    Quote Originally Posted by LG2014 View Post

    Wow! I am a parent and my kid goes to a childminder at moment whilst I work ib a hospital and training for my childminding course.

    I really do not think mum was being an *** just because she didn't reply back! She may be busy or something. Plus there not much she could reply back and maybe will talk to OP tomorrow at playgroup.

    Mum not an enemy here! She just may be tad upset about fact she asked OP to let her know if space came available - she was told space was available then it wasn't.

    No one to fault here but before you state mum is an **** and you wouldn't give her any new days because she acting spoilt and may see true colours today...

    It these parents who mean you have a job however small and that should be respected too. It a two way thing.

    Gosh makes me think if that how childminders see us parents maybe I been completely blind!
    I always find it is best to take my time before I reply to a text that has upset me... maybe this parent is doing the same. As a cm I do feel from a business aspect you are right choice you need to be earning to keep the business going but do take a minute to think of mum. It's a compliment really she wants to stay with you.
    Tess1981

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    Hi I understand how bad you feel, I had to give notice to an school run as I couldn't do both the following academic year. I tried to plan so I could do both schools but it wasn't practical for myself and the other children. So I took the plunge and gave notice to the one with that was part time (other full time and already with me too). I think I was fair but realistic, I could not afford to turn down the full timer. I felt very bad and I did feel upset for the parent because I know it was unexpected, but I have as much respect for the parents as they have for me and this parent understood why I gave notice. I still have the child every school holiday which is lovely and still have a great relationship with the parent.

    I think it's a tricky one because on one hand we need to earn a living, I have to watch every penny I earn. But I do understand this can make parents feel uneasy knowing that we could give notice at any time-but so could they.

    I have learned lots of good/bad things over the past few years about being a childminder and I know you can't please everyone, but I try to accommodate every parent/childs needs, but there are times where I have to say 'no' I don't like letting parents down and it doesn't have very often. I love my job but I know there will be high/low days.

    I probably would have done the same as you but I also would have not been surprised if the first parent gave notice to find those hours elsewhere, but I certainly wouldn't blame yourself.

    Jane
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    Quote Originally Posted by LG2014 View Post
    Wow! I am a parent and my kid goes to a childminder at moment whilst I work ib a hospital and training for my childminding course.

    I really do not think mum was being an *** just because she didn't reply back! She may be busy or something. Plus there not much she could reply back and maybe will talk to OP tomorrow at playgroup.

    Mum not an enemy here! She just may be tad upset about fact she asked OP to let her know if space came available - she was told space was available then it wasn't.

    No one to fault here but before you state mum is an **** and you wouldn't give her any new days because she acting spoilt and may see true colours today...

    It these parents who mean you have a job however small and that should be respected too. It a two way thing.

    Gosh makes me think if that how childminders see us parents maybe I been completely blind!
    I am sorry you have been offended but with all due respect I think you have miss read or at the very least miss interpreted my post.

    I did state dependent on how she reacts. being an **** does not get you what you want. I did not say she was an ****, however if the parent does show disrespectful behaviour and I did state if parent is rude or makes you feel bad it is their problem and shows her true colours And I stand by this.
    I accept it is the parents who mean we have a job BUT just because we are paid to do a job does not mean we should be accepting of disrespecting behaviour - No one should, I accept that the parent may just be taking their time to reply but they must know that this would upset/stress their childminder. I try my very best to support parents needs and if a parents was to make me feel bad or insult me because I was unable to meet their requests I do not think this is acceptable and I feel that the op should not be in this situation either.

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    But you could do it on a variation on continuity of care?

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    I've opened a bit of a can of worms here, apologies to anyone who's been offended, and thanks to all for their advice. Parent was perfectly polite at group and the following day when she dropped her son off here, if there was any ill feeling she hid it well! I'm afraid I wasn't quite brave enough to bring up the topic, but I feel fairly ok that I replied to her inquiry with an apology, and if I'd got any hostility from her or she looked upset I'd have broached the topic. As far as the details go, yes the twins leaving will provide 2 spaces in addition to the one LO I already have on a thurs, but I've chosen to only have 2 very young children at a time, more than that is just too much for me, I've already reduced another child's hrs to accommodate this. The parent that I gave the full time space to isn't new business, she was an existing parent who already did longer hrs, all yr round, so I do stand by my decision, I have to do what is sustainable for my business. I really did just want some emotional reassurance, whereas I received some very fair and well thought out opinions instead, which is fair enough. I think what I'll take away from this is that in future I'll be very clear that I don't promise anything. Thanks again everyone xx

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    Sometimes we want to be nice and acommodate our parents but in this case I think you're completely justified.

    Like others have said, parents would not worry too much about your financial state if they had to drop hours, at the end of the day it's a business.

    If I've learned anything, don't promise anything to parents. Like Simona said you could keep a register of interest and let them know in advance it will be what fits in best for you financially and practically.

    As to parent not replying to texts, believe me I get this all the time, but when they text me it's 'please respond asap'.

 

 

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