Advice please- secure attachment?

[tinyp164]

Good morning!

I have a parent who is a little concerned about her child's behaviour. Child is 2yrs this month, born 5 weeks premature (hv says she is slightly behind), 2 older siblings (16,9). Child is absolutely fine here and very settled but has never settled anywhere else with mum i.e. other groups with mum she does 2 at the beginning of the week. Mum says Child is starting to become distressed when routines are changed i.e. older sister enters the bedroom in the morning to say bye lo cries as if to say its her room. At groups will not take coat off at all (attended for around 8 months now same days), when children take toys off child doesn't react but looks to mum for reassurance however mum doesn't say anything, and wont play with other children. One minute child can be fine and smiley and the next can cry and get worked up and mum finds hard to control. However mum works in mental and young persons health so is starting to worry and over analyse her behaviour (her own words not mine). She is great with adults just not so much with children, i.e mum went for a coffee and she showed older adults (that she didn't know) her lion teddy, although this could be as she is usually around older children/adults.

I'm wondering if I can give mum any advice? I'm wondering if it is just secure attachment when mum is around and as she is getting older she's becoming more aware of her routines and just getting used to them. Any advice would be great please

Thanks for reading xx

[KatieFS]

Do you go to groups with her? How is she there?

Do you look after other children too? How is she with them?

[tinyp164]

Hi yes we go to groups however only have her on a Wednesday she has always been fine and confident when we go, often looks to make sure I'm close by but is fine exploring. She does play with the other children mainly by watching what they are playing with and tries to talk to them or pass them toys both here and at playgroup when with me but again always make sure I'm close by. She gets attached to things easily too and carried that around for days I.e lion teddy this week, and if any child tries to take it away or play with it she gets very distressed and her coat always has to be within seeing distance too. She's better with my after school children tbh but this might be as has older siblings.

Thank you so much for replying too I really appreciate it x

[KatieFS]

No problem! I find the forum so helpful, just to know you're not alone and always get different angles on things or suggestions. Sometimes just to know yes you're doing the right thing!

The 2 yo I have gets very upset if other children look at or touch her things - coat, shoes bag etc. also very attached to things she plays with and often gets a bit obsessed about specific toys or activities in short term. The number if times age has asked me if she can watch lion king. I don't have a big deal with it but like telly to be a brief treat in afternoons, don't like telly being on all the time!
The lo I have is for sure very sensitive. You'll see my different threads there are elements of her behaviour that are challenging and she often gets emotional when she feels anxious - usually needs lots of physical adult support ie hand being held or being picked up. I refuse to pick her up haven't for a long time! Hand holding again don't have an issue with it. Obv for safety reasons sometimes she needs a hand to be held but if we are in a playground, or I have a buggy or if another child would like to hold my hand then she will need to be ok with not permanently holding my hand.
So probably totally irrelevant to your situation!
The issue sounds like is at home, does mum need stronger boundaries? Children start to understand that the way they behave can control a situation so maybe she thinks if she behaves in thus way she will get attention from mum?

[VeggieSausage]

I tend to agree that this child is pushing mums buttons and behaving in a way that is sure to dominate the situation, mum maybe needs to look at how she is handling things, by her own admission she is worrying and maybe making it worse - if she doesn't like the groups and goes to one with you then maybe she should ditch the groups....