Stressful parents

**rollypolly** · 09-02-2014, 09:51 PM

Really don't know what to do. I've looked after siblings for 2 years now, they are lovely, but mum is just so awful! She thinks she 'employs me' and is rude to me on a regular basis. I often close my front door and cry. I've tried to talk to her but she says it's her nature and I should just to rude back! I can't do this. When I do craft with the l/o's, she says 'great, more stuff for my bin' mum was even put out when I needed a day off for a family members funeral!
I am now considering giving notice, but I'm worried about the little ones, even thou the eldest child has starting talking to me in the same tone and manor as mum! Would you give notice?

**The Juggler** · 09-02-2014, 10:03 PM

i would look at it this way. you are ready to give notice so you can pretty much say what you like to her (professionally of course). what's the worst that can happen ?? she'll give YOU notice.

Tell her you are ONLY prepared to continue on the basis that she improves her behaviour. I had a contract in place with expectations of parent behaviour (i.e. to be respectful) as well as what they could expect from me.

Tell her exactly what you expect and that you will give her x weeks, review it and then make a decision.

**yummyripples** · 10-02-2014, 12:18 AM

If work is making you cry then you need to address the situation.
Don't feel bad about giving them notice - they wouldn't bat an eyelid if they wanted to leave
You could perhaps have a word and say that you do not feel that she is happy with the service that you are giving and you would understand if she wanted to find someone else.
If she values you then she will change her attitude or look elsewhere

**auntym** · 10-02-2014, 08:17 AM

Be honest with her - advise her that if her attitude continues you will give notice as she is not respecting you and you will not tolerate this from her as you expect to be treated as you would treat her - shes had a warning then

**bunyip** · 10-02-2014, 08:57 AM

Much as we care about, even love the children we look after, we must never let them become an emotional tie. Face it, if mum ever needed to end the arrangement for any reason, the relationship between CM and mindees wouldn't stop her.

You need to look after yourself. Draw clear lines about what you find un/acceptable. Make this clear to the mum. If it can't be made to work, then ending the arrangement has to be considered.

**gef918** · 10-02-2014, 10:30 AM

My daughter is in this situation at the moment. She is 12 and a girl she has been friends with since she was 5 is now bullying her with the excuse that she is mean to everyone, so don't worry about it. Unfortunately my daughter accepts this excuse and is still 'friends' with this girl, despite my husband and I trying to explain the following...

You have a right to be treated with respect. If this woman's behaviour is upsetting you, then she needs to change her behaviour or you need to give notice.

**kellyskidz!** · 10-02-2014, 10:35 AM

Great advice already given so nothing to add except a hug

Please do something about this as the thought of anyone crying regularly over something you have the power to change is sad to hear about. Don't let this carry on, if its 'in her nature' to be mean let it be in yours to not stand for it xx

**shortstuff** · 10-02-2014, 10:46 AM

if you use the pacey contract there is a line on page 4 stating 'the registered childminder may terminate the contract with immediate effect for any of the following reasons : (2nd one is) if the parent / guardian abuses the cm or exhibits unacceptable behaviour.

Provided you do use them i would photocopy her signed page and highlight the appropriate part on the page and show her. I would point out that this is her one and only warning and should it happen again you will terminate with no notice.

You are an adult who deserves to be treated as an equal and nothing less. Please point this fact out to her and let her know that you wouldn't accept it from a child and certainly wont accept it from her either.

please let us know how you get on and know we are here to support you

**mrs owl** · 10-02-2014, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by rollypolly

Really don't know what to do. I've looked after siblings for 2 years now, they are lovely, but mum is just so awful! She thinks she 'employs me' and is rude to me on a regular basis. I often close my front door and cry. I've tried to talk to her but she says it's her nature and I should just to rude back! I can't do this. When I do craft with the l/o's, she says 'great, more stuff for my bin' mum was even put out when I needed a day off for a family members funeral!
I am now considering giving notice, but I'm worried about the little ones, even thou the eldest child has starting talking to me in the same tone and manor as mum! Would you give notice?

Hi I've just given notice to a parent who shows no respect for me or my business! I gave her notice on Friday and I have been worrying all weekend about the LO and my loss of income...but I was in tears on Thursday and thought enough is enough!

When I gave her notice she was stunned! People like that aren't used to little people like me saying 'enough is enough' she is very money/ambition driven so I think my notice has been a steep learning curve for her

so take courage and give her notice...as a CM you're not paid enough for this sort of stress! I think you'll feel better xxx big hug x hope you're ok x

**Jenna** · 10-02-2014, 04:39 PM

I've been through this too and ended up giving notice the best thing I ever did I started dreading drop off and collection and it wasn't only that she thought I was at her beck and call 24/7 I'd get answer phone messages at 8.00 on a Sunday evening even when we were on holiday she was still phoning me. I sent letter after letter out high lightening my policies, my working hours and how and when to contact me. Never mind the rudeness at collection she had 2 children the oldest started speaking to me the same and was always asking why I didn't have a proper job like mummy did and why did I sit at home all day doing nothing. I haven't looked back it was like a weight being lifter off my shoulder and love my work again.

**rollypolly** · 11-02-2014, 09:06 PM

A big thank you to everyone for their kind words and great advise. I have arranged a meeting with mum on Thursday. I have made a list of all the things I feel we need to discuss, and I will remind mum that we need to work in partnership and be respectful to each other.
If she feels that this can not happen, then I will point out she has broken the terms of our contract and will give notice. I am determined to be strong about this, although I am dreading it! Will let you know what happens

**Tulip** · 11-02-2014, 09:13 PM

Good luck rollypolly, you can do it

**smurfette** · 12-02-2014, 08:10 AM

Good luck be strong ! Xx

**kellyskidz!** · 12-02-2014, 03:24 PM

Stick to your guns, she's not in charge of you- respect should work both ways remember that. Good luck xx

**wee_elf** · 12-02-2014, 03:30 PM

well done for organising the meeting. Do not let her bully you! I often wonder what happened to the kids at school who were bullies and I guess the grow up to be parents who bully

xx

**primula** · 12-02-2014, 09:27 PM

Well done for acting professionally! Don't let her bully you anymore.x

**Kirstylob** · 12-02-2014, 09:49 PM

Good for you. She needs to know the you are a professional an deserve to treated as one. It might be the short sharp shock she needs to make her realise how offended you are. Good luck and stay strong. X

**danemi1** · 23-03-2014, 09:16 AM

Read this post with interest...wondered how you got on?

**tashaleee** · 23-03-2014, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by bunyip

Much as we care about, even love the children we look after, we must never let them become an emotional tie. Face it, if mum ever needed to end the arrangement for any reason, the relationship between CM and mindees wouldn't stop her.

You need to look after yourself. Draw clear lines about what you find un/acceptable. Make this clear to the mum. If it can't be made to work, then ending the arrangement has to be considered.

I totally agree with this

How did your meeting with mum go?