saying sorry

[Mrsh3103]

I have a lo who gives cuddles and kisses to say sorry when she's done something wrong. This is something lo's mum decided to get her to do instead of saying the word as it shows she's sorry.
On monday mum said she no longer wants this to happen and she wants lo to actually say the word. Lo is very well behaved here so very rarely needs to apologise for anything.

This morning when she was dropped off she pushed her mum. Mum said that's not nice say sorry. Lo tried to give her mum a cuddle and kiss but mum held her at arms length and kept repeating over and over 'say the word, say you're sorry'.
This started a major tantrum. Mum carried on saying 'say sorry'.
Evetually I told her to just leave or she'd be late for work and I'd deal with it.
Lo gave me a cuddle and wispered sorry in my ear.

I really don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable with this, especially after seeing wjat happened this morning. Help!

[dawn100]

Could you suggest to mum a gradual transition over to saying sorry ie lo give kisss and cuddle and also says sorry so slowly changing over to just saying sorry.
I've never liked children kissing and cuddling to say sorry as at sometime they will have to say sorry to someone they don't know and I wouldn't want them to think its appropriate to kiss or cuddle a stranger.

[jackie 7]

What age is lo? It would be hard to change suddenly perhaps she could do it slowly rather than gradually and explaining what is happening.

[samb]

I agree with the gradual change- little one is used to a certain way if doing things and not fair to change over night. Just suggest doing both to mum gradually encouraging touchin hand or arm instead of full cuddle and then just sorry.

I have one who says sorry all the time after such positive praise from me for saying it. Mum said she doesn't want her to say it now as she feels it may be affecting her self esteem - can't win!

[Mrsh3103]

I have always got her to say sorry while she's cuddling. I did think about suggesting doing it gradually to mum but she's very adamant that complete cold turkey is the way forward so I didn't bother saying anything.

When she started I wasn't keen on it either for the same reasons, she may need to say sorry to a stranger. But she's 2.5 and is quite slow with her speech so mum said that this was a way for her to comunicate sorry (even though she can clearly say the word). No idea why her mum has suddenly decided this now though.

[Bluebell]

is the mum pushing it because of the speech ? I would say this is the very reason she shouldn't be pushed - if child likes to demonstrate 'sorry' rather than say sorry perhaps resting her hand on the arm of the person she is saying sorry to is a way to do it, I know when I say sorry to someone who has perhaps had a bereavement I place my hand on their arm (I'm not a huggy kind of person to other adults)

OR could you learn how to sign sorry,- by doing an action it might encourage child to speak word at same time. My son went to speech therapy and a lot of the sounds had an action with it to help him associate and concentrate on what he was saying (sorry don't really know the science behind it)

Could you get an anonymous bit of advice from your local s&l ?

good luck

[ktdg85]

I would do it gradually with using the sign for sorry. (fist clenched, circular motion on the heart) my own little boy and mindees use a combination of speech and sign if they have to apologise?! I noticed that if its an accident it's easier for them to verbalise the apology as sometimes if they know they have done something wrong they can be a bit embarrassed and will sign it instead.