Advise please??

[Rickers83]

Hi,

I have been doing settling in with a little girl age 14 months. Thing is her mum is very particular and everything has to be done in a certain way & at a certain time.... I already look after another lo who is 17 months and my own daughter of the same age. I am worried that I will not be able to do things as she expects. She came round earlier to watch me feed her.... Yes that's right WATCH me.... I have 3 children of my own. & she wants a morning test run next week to see if lo copes with the school run.
Does this sound more like she needs a nanny who will follow her routine rather than a childminder?
Very worried now as she's due to start properly in just over a week!

[The Juggler]

i think it could work with this mum but you need to set some limits now. tell her how you will try to accommodate routines as much as possible but it has to fit in with your setting routines and the other little ones too. Watching you feed her!!! no way.

Mum's of mine have probably watched me playing and feeding LO's before they started properly but not as a scheduled observation, just when they come and visit and things happen naturally.

you have a settling in period in case she thinks LO can't cope but she needs to know that it WILL probably take some time for her to adjust. If she doesn't like what you are saying I'd use the settling in period to make a decision about whether you think it will work.

[Rickers83]

Thanks for your reply.
Mum has taken her out of nursery because they weren't following her routine and lo has to sleep at x time, and has to eat at x time. There are even set times for nappy changes.... Which are done with cotton wool and cooled boiled water..... The more I type the more alarm bells are ringing
Mum asked me how I would watch the other children whilst I was changing one as I couldn't be in 2 rooms at once.... I kind of felt that was her answer but didn't like to say... It seems she must constantly watch lo 24/7... I wonder howshe goes to the toilet? As long as I know they are safe I see no harm in walking out of the room
for two mins to get/do something, or should I be constantly watching (& crossing my legs?!)?

[The Juggler]

ok, alarm bells for me too if she's taken out of nursery. I would maybe say you don't think you can accommodate such a strict routine as you need to meet the other children's routines too and find a happy balance.

maybe suggest the nanny option to her.

[Shamai]

Run for the hills

Sorry that wasn't very helpful - Mum sounds a tad over protective and I would let her know that you will keep to her child's routine as far as possible but you have other children to care for and cannot provide a one-to-one service at your setting. There's a difference between a nervous first time Mum and one who dictates how you should run your business. I would sit down and have a chat to her about your concerns but maybe have a longer settling in period in case you need to give notice. Good luck x

[shortstuff]

I would say think carefully about this one.

I took on 2 siblings. Both parents were like this but they each said it was the other one that wanted control.

They expected hourly emails and when I sent one home for projectile vomiting I was accused of shaking him after giving lunch. All during a 15 minute grilling about why I had done this that and the other after feeding an 8 month old solids asked why I hadnt winded him. As it happened I had the lo in the same seat for 30 minutes after he had finished his lunch waiting for the others to finish theirs.

Just please take the time to consider how it will be for you going forward.

[green4lynn]

I have a mum like that, great long list of questions when first visiting, lots of visits with child then lots of settling in sessions. Constant questions about where we are going, who's here etc. regular texts to check on child's well being and whether I'm feeding him! It's hard work but I can understand where she's coming from, though sometimes feel there are trust issues! It's a good job he's a sweet little lad, that's all I can say!!!! X

[KatieFS]

It's not just about her child. There are others there too. Quite shellfish, I can understand to an extent but seriously your child is not the only child in nursery/childminders how about school how will she cope when this child is 1 of 30!
She needs to be more realistic,
I wouldn't. I'd be so anxious with such specific requirements. Really forces you to work in a certain way, not for me

[sing-low]

It does sound like mum is over-protective and controlling but give her a chance. I would suggest lots of reassurance from you (remember you're settling Mum in, not just LO, in the settling period). Set some boundaries - tell her that you will try to accommodate her wishes but you do have other children to care for. At 14 months, the LO is old enough to adapt to a new situation. Talk about increasing LO's independence. If this isn't working, then give notice during your settling period and suggest a nanny.

[doris127]

Sounds very like someone who came to see me - I was pretty sure she had eaten the Gina Ford book. He had to have lunch at 11.45 and go in the cot at 12.45. I had said it would need to be 12 & 1 due to nursery drop offs and pick ups. I was being totally honest with her as they were taking him out of nursery due to trust issues - they had counted the number of times the nursery had said they'd change lo's nappy and it didn't tally with the number they'd handed in.
I did say I'd take the lo on but they changed their mind because I was too accommodating to all the other children's needs and, while they wanted me to give a freshly cooked hot meal, they didn't see how I could cook it and look after their child.
I was very relieved when they decided not to come!! They would have been hard work!!!

[bunyip]

Hi,

I have been doing settling in with a little girl age 14 months. Thing is her mum is very particular and everything has to be done in a certain way & at a certain time.... I already look after another lo who is 17 months and my own daughter of the same age. I am worried that I will not be able to do things as she expects. She came round earlier to watch me feed her.... Yes that's right WATCH me.... I have 3 children of my own. & she wants a morning test run next week to see if lo copes with the school run.
Does this sound more like she needs a nanny who will follow her routine rather than a childminder?
Very worried now as she's due to start properly in just over a week!

Could be she needs a nanny.

Mind you, could be she needs a reality check and a large dose of Valium.

[Kerry30]

I dont get it with some parents, if they have to be that particular then why the hell are they going back to work???!!! Because nobody is going to live up to their expectations. I had this when i was a nanny.....job didnt last long. They even typed me up an A4 list of things that i was doing wrong...one being i had put a white babygro in the machine with a lemon one, therefore mixing colours! Takes allsorts.

[Tinkerbell1979]

Sounds like my mindee's parents!!! Been over a year and slowly getting better lol

[yummyripples]

Speaking from my own experience, this type of parent puts a lot of pressure in you and takes the joys out of the job. You have your policies and procedures which are basically how you work. Parents need to read them to understand how you work. If they are happy with them they will come to you, if not they need to find a different cm.
You wouldn't dream of going into someone else's work and telling them how to do their job. I understand that it's their child but there needs to be 100% trust in you from the parents otherwise it doesn't work as well as it should x

[blue bear]

Sounds Ike you are well out of it, when parents come to visit I tell them how it is, how I will fit what lo needs into my routines not what parent demands, children are ever changing in their needs and going with the flow works best.
I've had the list and laughed as parent handed it over, babies can't read and don't stick to lists. Mum soon chilled out.