helping child with no confidence

**munch149** · 09-09-2013, 12:27 PM

ive had this child since january. i would say she has settled as such (she was awful when started), but she is so lacking in confidence it makes things hard work. she has progressed but feel like ive hit a bit of a wall now and dont know how to take it any further.
when she started she would not let me go. unless i was sat on the sofa cuddling her all day she would scream. at groups she had to sit on my lap or else all hell broke loose (she was about 10 months). now she will sit away from me, will explore a little and is fine in familliar environments to an extent but
1) if another child touches her too much or even in the slightest bit too heavy handed she will scream
2) she doesnt really interact with other children in any way really other than maybe a smile
3) she still isnt particular interactive with her environment - i call her a watcher, she would much rather watch the other children play than do it herself
4) any new activity, outing or experience however small she will scream. i find it hard to plan and get pictures/observations of her because she doesnt do much.
5) is very quiet hardly ever makes a noise other than crying.

what can i do to help her get further. she has come along way in my opinion from when she started i just need some advice in furthering it. she is now 17 months ish. i know we shouldnt compare as all children are different but all the children in my care are between one and two and i would love to get her to a level of confidence anywhere near close to my other mindees. i have never know a child so unconfident and fearful of everything.

**CH1957** · 09-09-2013, 02:20 PM

I could have written this myself, I've got exactly the same!! She is 2 at the end of this month and I've had her since last November. Although she will now happily play at my home without me being with her all the time, she is terrible when we are out. Don't know what to suggest as I am struggling as well. As you say, so hard to get observations as she just wont do anything!

**smurfette** · 10-09-2013, 08:08 AM

Me too! It's hard isn't it when you are used to them being more outgoing! I have told mum she needs to get her out more to groups etc as she is stuck to me when out and can't do that with others! Hoping this will help!

**hectors house** · 10-09-2013, 08:15 AM

Don't give up hope you have already come along way - I have had 2 children (at separate times) like this (hated toddler groups, hated noise, wouldn't join in) but the latest one is now nearly 2 1/2 and will now go away from me and play independently at groups - he won't join in yet with singing and action songs at toddlers but at least he doesn't scream at the noise.

Some children do big giant steps with confidence and some do teeny tiny steps that are hard to notice until you look back over a 6 month period.

**kellyskidz!** · 10-09-2013, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by hectors house

Don't give up hope you have already come along way - I have had 2 children (at separate times) like this (hated toddler groups, hated noise, wouldn't join in) but the latest one is now nearly 2 1/2 and will now go away from me and play independently at groups - he won't join in yet with singing and action songs at toddlers but at least he doesn't scream at the noise.

Some children do big giant steps with confidence and some do teeny tiny steps that are hard to notice until you look back over a 6 month period.

I agree, you've done so much for this child already and you will be making steps forwards, its just not obvious yet because you're in the thick of it
Don't worry too much about obs, I'd start doing a monthly progress sheet alongside what you already do and show this to mum or OFSTED should they ask to see her development records. By doing it monthly you are less likely to get stressed if she hasn't done much in a week but also it gives you a clearer overview on where this child is headed without daily obs. Also you can show that you are aiding her development but she is just going at a different rate so you've changed a bit of your system to accommodate her level and rate of development
From the dislike in change of routine she could be on the autistic spectrum but obviously at 17months it is still early days but its something to be aware of.
If you really are worried about her development talk to mum and ask that she maybe talk to her health visitor or doctor about what you have said and use her file you keep as examples as to why you think she may need developmental help in whatever areas xx

**KatieFS** · 10-09-2013, 10:25 PM

This could be written about one of my happy crew. Just 2, very clingy when we do playgroups, very anxious around strangers has to be nxt to me the whole time. Playgrounds generally are ok as long as not too busy

She still gets anxious if I leave the room. Ecen fir a moment. She can struggle to find child led learning and seems to need for me to engage her in something

I do worry how she will be at nursery - should a child like this go early to give her more rime to adjust or late to give more time at home. She us also an August baby so school will be just after her 4 b-day

Thoughts?

Simona · 11-09-2013, 08:52 AM

Those signs are possibly very familiar to many of us....many children go through that stage...wanting to be by your side and strangers triggering worries

Please don't label them as 'clingy' but look under a good child development guide for her age and read why it happens and how to deal with it

You can Google it or look at Tina Bruce, her CD chart is one of the best...all we can do here is give advice but it is you who needs to support the child in her PSED..I am sure the next steps are in there for you to plan on in Development Matters!