own childs toys and bedroom
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  1. #1
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    Default own childs toys and bedroom

    Hi All,

    This may be a long post but really after some opinions please

    I currently have 1 daughter of my own who has just turned 4 years old. I live in bungalow so her bedroom is opposite the playroom. Her own toys are in her bedroom and shared/childminding toys are in the playroom.

    I have issues with the toys in her bedroom being shared with 6 kids every day. she doesnt always seem to mind but it bothers me as it was her birthday this week and some of the toys she has been given should be precious for her.

    I have tried locking her bedroom door during the day before so that they are kept for her when im not working, but she has then wanted some kids to play in there with her and even though the rule was they didnt go through all her things its gradually relaxed and now her room is a state again and I can see things getting lost (she has a lot of little toys).

    As I said i think it bothers me a LOT more than it does her so should I just chill out and let her share her room and toys if she wants or put my foot down?? I don't want to create a child who wont share , or seem like the big bad wolf to my mindees but at the same time I want her to have space to herself when Ive finished work...........

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    My children are grown up now so i dont have this problem.

    I think you have to decide whether or not you are going to allow mindees to play in your daughter's room or not, then make that quite clear to daughter and mindees. If she wants mindees in her room to play i cant see how you can expect them not to 'go through all her things'.

    The rule in my setting is mindees do not go in the living room, my bedroom or the study.

    i dont see anything wrong in ur daughter's room not being available to mindees. Presumably she is learning to share you and resources in play room
    Last edited by ziggy; 27-09-2012 at 11:16 AM.

  3. #3
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    I have the same thing with my DD. She had her 5th birthday a couple of weeks ago and all her new toys are in her bedroom but she wants to share them with the other children. Trouble is I know they will end up getting damaged and not be respected especially with 1 of my mindees who is always breaking things. Although it's lovely that my DD wants to share her special things I know she would be really upset if something special got broken. Luckily her bedroom is upstairs and none of the mindees are allowed up there. My own children know that only they are allowed to play upstairs. Sometimes they will ask to bring something down to play with in the lounge (which is 90% of the time closed to mindees) and all mindees know that they are not allowed in there so it doesn't cause any issues. I think it's OK to try and explain to your DD why some of her special things are just for her

    xxx

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    All my children's toys are kept in their bedrooms. When they were younger I gave them the choice of what they wanted to do

    Either keep toys upstairs or bring one or two down to share but then it must be shared with all the children (age appropriate)
    She used to make the decision of what she brought down and would change her mind quite often. If she didn't want to share one day then that was fine
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

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    I live in a bungalow too and always think it would be so much easier to have stairs so the rule would be 'no-one upstairs' I find my rule 'no-one in the bedrooms' seems to get forgotten even though I have stair gates on all of them
    I think if I were in your position I would explain to DD that if she wants to share her toys she has to accept that they MAY get broken and will not be replaced and that she should really think about the special things she wants to keep safe. It's difficult as like you say you don't want to discourage her from sharing but at the same time they are her NEW toys.
    Could she bring one out a day to share under close supervision?

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    I also only allow my children's "bedroom toys" to be chosen to be used by my children who get them from their room and bring them to the living room to be shared. If they chose something I feel is unsuitable then I tell them why and then either it goes back (if tiny pieces with babies around) or they can make an informed choice to still have it out. Generally mine will go choose not to have their toys out when I am working.

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    Thank you everyone :-)

    Ive been trying to do a middle ground where they can go in her room but only get out what she wants to share but im finding a 'middle ground' doesnt work with kids who are very 'black or white'

    I dont want to be mean, and I dont want to teach my DD to be possesive but I want to give her the right to her own space and belongings.

    I think allowing her to chose what to bring out is a good idea because then she can share her toys without her room getting trashed each day (we all know how good kids are at tidying after themselves!)

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    good idea to set things up as you mean to go on and as she gets older she won't want lo ones in her room

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    My dd is 4 and wants certain mindees to play in her bedroom but I do not allow it.
    She shares nearly all of her toys and doesn't really have any that she doesn't want others to play with but there are some that I won't allow to be out because 1 of the lo's in particular is very rough and will break them.

    One of the reasons I don't let them play in the bed room is because they will mess it up and I already have enough tidying up to do after them. They also tend to want to jump on the bed and make dens in there.

    They have my sitting room and playroom to play in and lots of toys so they dont need to go in the bed room.
    Jane xxx

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    I don't let mindees in my childrens bedrooms, it's their private space and there's no need for them to be in there.

    You're not being mean at all, why should you allow mindees to play with all her special things that have been bought for her not with other children in mind.

    Our children make big allowances and share their homes and mummies with mindees so they should be able to have their own private bedrooms and toys that they do not have to share!!!

    My children are allowed to have toys in the main area where mindees play and DO NOT have to share these.

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    I think bedroom and toys should be 2 different matters tbh.

    Toys: if she wants to share them, I would let her. If sth is fragile I would warn her briefly that it could be broken in los hands, but that's it. She naturally wants to share her precious things, it is an adult problem, usually, to want to keep things for themselves and it is passed on to children.
    There will be a point though as she gets older when she will want to treasure a few things, but I would let it come from her and her only.

    As for the bedroom, I used to let my mindees up but not anymore. Only one who has become my dd's dear friend and comes only for holidays can go there from time to time.
    The reasons are not about sharing the room though, it is about not messing my dd's room and things, as it becomes unrecognisable after 30 min of play and I end up having more work.
    + my dd has herself (she is 7) verbalised the wish to have her own quiet space, which she didn't feel at earlier age.

    I would personaly let her do as she pleases as far as the toys are concerned, but tell her to bring the ones she wants to share in the playroom for the time of play, then they go back to her room when no longer in use.

    It is her little world and she is sufficiemtly gentle and independent to open the door to other children. I wouldn't touch that if I were you...

  12. #12
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    My children are allowed to have toys in the main area where mindees play and DO NOT have to share these.[/QUOTE]


    I think there is a huge difference between not having to and not being allowed to.

    Am not throwing the stone here, I think it is a great subject. And I can appreciate that if a child has been offered a brand new toy, the parent will be reluctant to see it pass from hand to hand.
    But I wouldn't forbit the sharing unless for safety reasons.

    Yet I would certainly give lessons on how to respect things, how to treat our belongings gently etc if the need arises

  13. #13
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    In the past I have had lots of after schoolies who were a little older than my DS but access to his bedroom was by invite only, but no one was allowed to be left out. It was never a problem. He kept his special toys up there and did share them with the mindies, but it was more at his pace and the mindies understood that.

    Now I only have one after school and he is fairly new and a bit boistrous, but he is allowed to play with special stuff but is reminded to be careful before commencing. My EYFS doesnt play in bedrooms and doesnt have access to my sons stuff as he is nearly 10 now,.

    I would suggest that your DD brings special stuff into the main room, so you can keep an eye and say access to her bedroom isnt allowed, so it doesnt get trashed and she has some escape space if she needs it

  14. #14
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    [/QUOTE]I think there is a huge difference between not having to and not being allowed to.

    Am not throwing the stone here, I think it is a great subject. And I can appreciate that if a child has been offered a brand new toy, the parent will be reluctant to see it pass from hand to hand.
    But I wouldn't forbit the sharing unless for safety reasons.

    Yet I would certainly give lessons on how to respect things, how to treat our belongings gently etc if the need arises [/QUOTE]

    I appreciate your opinions on this and this is why I was so torn..I don't want to appear that i 'forbid' her to share her toys however I have lots of reasons for certain things to be protected...she has been given a lot of toys this week with very tiny pieces which are unsafe for babies. She also has a dolls house which I was given for Christmas when I was 7 years old and is sentimental so I want it protected. Other than that my reasons are mostly for the protection of her personal space to be honest as I find that very little gets broken - more that it just ends up a complete mess...it took me about 4 hours to tidy her room today ad I still have the rest of the house to do


 

 

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