Advice on a 9 year old

[adele1985]

I would really appreciate some advice
I currently look after a 9 year old normally its just Monday and Friday afterschool and shes my only mindee them days so just we normally just do what she wants normally craft. Recently I’ve been having her every night afterschool and have noticed a few thing. I haven’t had experience with a 9 year old before so im not sure if this type of behaviour is the norm for that age group (mum seems to think so)
She has to have the last word and has to be right all the time if i challange this she gets very defensive and it normally end in her shouting at me that im wrong (ive brought this up with mum who says this is normal and she deals with it by letting her think shes had the last word)
She goes in a strop as soon as she dosent get her way or if another mindee has something she wants
She encourages the other children to do things ( i had a gap in my fence that separtates the kids garden to the main garden (main garden is used by dogs and has a pond in it) she told 3 year old mindee to climb through it as there was a princess on the other side) I was there and this behaviour was stopped
Is this bahviour normal for a 9 year old??

[sarak31]

No, I would say it's more unacceptable. I have a 10 year old daughter, going on 14 I think. The hormones have been going for about a year now, and yes she does shout and have strops sometimes but I don't accept them in the same way that I wouldn't when she was 5. The way you deal with it changes tho of course - putting a 9 year old in time out may get you a funny look and will prob have little effect. I remember when my eldest was 5 I had a 9 year old mindee and struggled as I tried to deal with her bad attitude the same way as the little ones.

My advice would be sit down with the girl and discuss your frustrations. I think a lot of this behaviour comes from testing your boundaries and frustration. I remember the 9 year old I cared for hated having a childminder, she enjoyed her time here but felt she was old enough to be at home alone and was embarrassed she was collected by a childminder(!?) speak to her as you would an equal, tell her what you are finding difficult about her behaviour and why it causes problems. Ask her what she wants to do whilst at your house and try and accommodate something from her list if you can. Once you get to know what types of things she loves to do then you can use that as a reward - same approach as with the little ones, praise behaviour when ever you can. Tell her tho that the way she misbehaving at the moment is not acceptable.

Hope that helps a bit - I feel for you, I remember when I had my challenging 9 year old when mine were still young and how stressful I found it not knowing what to do with her!

[Pipsqueak]

I would really appreciate some advice
I currently look after a 9 year old normally its just Monday and Friday afterschool and shes my only mindee them days so just we normally just do what she wants normally craft. Recently I’ve been having her every night afterschool and have noticed a few thing. I haven’t had experience with a 9 year old before so im not sure if this type of behaviour is the norm for that age group (mum seems to think so)
She has to have the last word and has to be right all the time if i challange this she gets very defensive and it normally end in her shouting at me that im wrong (ive brought this up with mum who says this is normal and she deals with it by letting her think shes had the last word)
She goes in a strop as soon as she dosent get her way or if another mindee has something she wants
She encourages the other children to do things ( i had a gap in my fence that separtates the kids garden to the main garden (main garden is used by dogs and has a pond in it) she told 3 year old mindee to climb through it as there was a princess on the other side) I was there and this behaviour was stopped
Is this bahviour normal for a 9 year old??

What you are describing is fairly norm for a 9yr old howver its unacceptable:

I would not tolerate being shouted at and would come down heavy on that - she can have her say but she wouldn;t be shouting at me
She may be used to having the 'last word' with her mum but in my house/care I have the last word
Let her have her strop but point out if she wants to behave like a 2yr old you will treat her as such
Encourging younger kids to do something.. she'd be in massive troubles and I would come down very heavy on this - I would be expecting her to be helping to set and example and responsiblilty.



Mum obviously allows this diva like behaviour because its easier than tackling it...
you don't have to put up with it

little madam can learn a different set of rules with you

I have a 9yr old mindee boy who can be quite volatile, impulsive, challenging etc..... like i said to him - your choice..... life can be easy with me or hard.... his choice.... he has soon learned to knuckle under to my way.....
he has learned through missing out, having to sit on the sofa all by himself, not being allowed privilages etc....

if he is cool with me then I am cool with him.... simple - however I AM the adult and my word is final

[Bridey]

I have nothing to add to Pipsqueak's advice - its exactly how I would manage the situation and I have 15 afterschoolers from 4 to 12 years old, and a teenage son

[mushpea]

pipsqueaks advice is what I would have said too
I certainly wouldnt let her get away with shouting at me, I would make her sit at the table or just ignore her untill we could have a sensible conversation
i would tell her if she tells the other children to misbehave then she will have to shadow me as I cant trust her to behave and I would punish her for the behaviour of the child she told to do somthing but let the other child happily play where she could see them.

[Little Bear]

I have a nearly 9 year old daughter, I can relate to that behaviour as my daughter also doing this behaviiour. I feel like I've been in a boxing ring by the end of the day. It is constant backchat, shouting and screaming if she doesn't get her own way. She is learning the hard way that I am in charge, but it is draining!!!

She has an inset day on Friday and not looking forward to it.