Please tell me it gets better? :(

[LittleLegsCM]

I hate writing this and I know it sounds absolutely awful but I'm really starting to dislike the brothers I care for and it's making me wonder if it's always this bad or if I've just been extremely unlucky.

They are literally ripping my nerves to shreds! The youngest is the one that is violent with everything & everyone, he bit me again yesterday AND it was in front of his mum! And the older brother (who is a schoolie) spends his time purposely winding up his brother and trying to get him to play fight with him which 99.9% of the time ends in arguments/crying/him getting hurt by the younger one!

They ignore me constantly, no matter how much I tell them. Everytime I talk to mum I just get excuse after excuse and even though she says she'll work with me to sort it im basically fighting a losing battle!
I will admit, I have started advertising their placements again because I can't cope with them and the distruction they cause in my home but I'm really worried I'm going to end up replacing them with a family just as bad or worse and this is all I'm destined to have

When I took them on I was told a "friend" was looking after them but her OH was I'll and she could no longer do it. I have since found out they have been to numerous "friends" over the past 2 years and mysteriously mum & dad are no longer friends with any of them now, doesn't take 2 guesses to work out why!

They were so ba this morning I walked out the lounge just to stop myself breaking down in front of them as I'd had enough of asking them to calm down and I'm currently walking back home from school as slow as possible so thy we don't get back before mum arrives to take the younger home for a few hours (she's always late so it probably won't work!) I sound absolutely awful, don't I? But I just don't think I can survive working this this :,(

[PerkyEars]

but I'm really worried I'm going to end up replacing them with a family just as bad or worse and this is all I'm destined to have

Don't be. There are some lovely families out there, with lovely kids. I've been there, feeling like it was hell, but I had to stick it out. But when you've got shot of them and experienced kids who settle, fit in, and behave, it will be a different job.

[wendywu]

Until you can fill their spaces you need to come down heavy and hard on them.

They need to have very firm boundaries and i would seperate them and do not let them playfight at all.

But with any luck someone else will come along and you can give notice

[md0u0131]

To be honest if they are causing this much stress I would give notice anyway.

[VINASOL]

Wendy is right. You need to be firm, now. I've let my mindees get away with too much for too long and it's not right and I wish I had the confidence to deal with it at the beginning...start as you mean to go on.

Do you have a list of RULES up on your wall. I'd probably start with this; and Time Out is definitely needed. One warning and that's it - time out; or for older children I find that they lose out on something they want...playing football/going to the park/DS game time etc...whatever they love to do, they lose!

Hope you find replAcements for them soon...and not all children are like this I'm glad to say

[VeggieSausage]

Yes I agree until you fill their places then you need to come down very hard and implement a behaviour policy.

I would text mum/call mum/ speak to her and say you require a meeting or a conversation on the phone with her urgently regarding their behaviour. Outline the situation and come up with some stategies you are going to implement with immediate effect as their behaviour is having a negative impact on your household (if you have any children or other mindees then say a negative impact on the other children and you have a duty of care to the others).
1. Separate them when fighting
2. If they disrupt activities then they will be removed and go into time out
3. Document everything and every incident regarding any violence
4. Re-iterate your zero tolerance to any violence against you such as biting adn that it is totally unacceptable.
5. Pop in that you will be praising good behaviour
6. Say that you expect this to be carried on at home and have they got any strategies that work at home.
7. I would ask if there are any problems or issues at home that you are unaware of that could account for this behaviour.
8. Put all of this in writing to them
9. Give it a deadline for improvements

....or say that due to a change in your circumstances you can no longer care for them.

There are lovely children out there so I don't think you should just accept this situation. Good luck

[LittleLegsCM]

Yup rules are on the playroom wall, they have to be reminded of them on a regular basis and they both spend time on the 'thinking beanbag' quite a lot but none of it sinks in.

I know the parents struggle with them too, there's been times where half an hour after they've left my front door they are still in the garden fighting with the kids to get up off the grass or stop climbing the wall etc. I've even seen both mum & dad get to the point that they've hit them and they still ignore it and just laugh at them!

[The Juggler]

hon, is mum backing you up and working with you. If not, give notice now - there is no point

if she's working with you then I'd give it a set amount of time, work with mum on a plan and as everyone says, come down hard for now. If they are misbehaving, they get to sit at the kitchen table and draw and not be anywhere with other children where you are not - so you can keep an eye on them at all times. They will learn this way that if they want to play they need to be able to be trusted.

They need to earn that trust. So tell them, you will allow them that trust at the start of each day/session, first misbehaviour they are with you, wherever you are doing VERY boring stuff.

How old is the younger one honey. If he is over 3, I would also tell mum that if he bites you again you will be calling her to collect immediately. A child of this age should not be biting anyone, never mind a grown up

plus, let me just add that I had an experience like this once. Once I gave notice and child and family were gone, it was like a weight was lifted. I found other families that were fab, not always easy but treated me with respect. You will get a feeling at your first meeting. Trust your gut

[marleymoo]

sounds awful for you littlelegs. there's lots of reasons why you should stop caring for them and only one perhaps why you shouldn't - money of course. i think you're right to re-advertise their places and see if you can persevere until you have replacements. in the meantime, i would be making some enquiries of my own, such as is there a local after school club that the schoolie can go to instead? if you provide an alternative for parents then that might do the trick - i've done this myself and yes, i'm still friends with the parents and still get recommendations from them. otherwise, i think i'd tend to take them to the park after school and let the schoolie run off steam as the LO sits in his pushchair,enjoys a cuddle or nap (anything really to split them apart lol)

[funemnx]

I used to mind siblings who fought all the time (6 and 8 yrs) - either one or the other always ended up in tears.

So I separated them - one in one room and one in another - at least it was peaceful for a few minutes at a time!

I hope you find replacements very soon x

[marleymoo]

try separation before departation

[LittleLegsCM]

Well they've just had a shock! We got in from school run, they were told to take their shoes & jackets off an head straight to the dining table. Once they got there (6yo schoolie is also on punishment by his mum for lying to me & her) they were given what they would class as 'boring' word searches for things like fire safety etc and the younger sibling given colouring pictures and pencils and they have been told that until they can respect me & my home and actually listen to me when I tell them no fighting or running, this will continue. I got the dirty looks and moans but hopefully they will start to realise I mean business!!

[Bridey]

Well done

[Two Princesses]

Well done LittleLegs Hopefully they will soon start to listen

Now if I could only implement that with my own children then I'd be happy

[stargazer1]

Well they've just had a shock! We got in from school run, they were told to take their shoes & jackets off an head straight to the dining table. Once they got there (6yo schoolie is also on punishment by his mum for lying to me & her) they were given what they would class as 'boring' word searches for things like fire safety etc and the younger sibling given colouring pictures and pencils and they have been told that until they can respect me & my home and actually listen to me when I tell them no fighting or running, this will continue. I got the dirty looks and moans but hopefully they will start to realise I mean business!!

I like this! They need to respect your boundaries, well done

[sandy64]

good on you some kids have little respect for adults so you need to put boundaries in place i hope they start to behave and respect you i no how hard it can be put a time in place if you dont see improvements terminate contract

[Chatterbox Childcare]

When the weather is good spend a lot of time outside - walk home slowly via the park, deep breaths too