3yr old still being breastfed

[PerkyEars]

What saddens me is how much in our culture the focus has become 'getting a child ready for reception', rather than 'meeting the needs of the child'. If we started school later, as they do in some cultures AFAIK, then perhaps we could let 3, 4 and 5 yr olds develop at their (very different) paces. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for developing skills - I'm just sad that it's all about a standard that's been imposed on very young children, without very many people questioning whether reception age schooling is a good thing or not.

As for the BFing, extended BFing is not about parents trying to 'cling on to' or baby their children. I BFed mine until she was three, and she's a very secure and independant little girl - in fact she's got a huge gob and will talk to/at anyone and has to be disuaded from going to the shops by herself.

[The Juggler]

i have no problems at all with people breastfeeding as long as they want as long as the child also eats a nutritious varied diet of food (which sometimes can be a problem with longer breastfed children).

However, i don't think there is anything wrong in expecting children to be independent at age 3 - as long as they themselves feel ready. Both my 3 year old mindees were taking selves to toilet, handwashing alone (but supervised) before they were 3, can put on their own shoes and coats. I'm not getting them ready for reception but I feel that unless children are shown and supported to do these things at an early age they become more reluctant as they get older. In fact children who can put on shoes at 2 1/2 or 3 often then regress to 'put my shoes for me please' stage later on so it's good to catch them early whilst they are keen'

[barbarella68]

Crikey when I read this I thought I was on *****.

[VINASOL]

Crikey when I read this I thought I was on *****.

I thought that too, and was rather saddened by it.

[jane5]

This forum is great for airing our views and to "off load" as we can feel isolated when working alone. Thankfully we all have different opinions or this forum would be quite boring if we all shared the same views.

The op was discussing things that she was feeling frustrated with and some of the comments about her feelings where rather harsh.

Calling her dismissive and closed-minded, the words pot, kettle, black come to mind..............!!!

Lets support each other and state our opinions and not judge each other or members may be nervous about posting on here in case they are jumped on as is normal on some other sites.

[Bananabrain]

This forum is great for airing our views and to "off load" as we can feel isolated when working alone. Thankfully we all have different opinions or this forum would be quite boring if we all shared the same views.

The op was discussing things that she was feeling frustrated with and some of the comments about her feelings where rather harsh.

Calling her dismissive and closed-minded, the words pot, kettle, black come to mind..............!!!

Lets support each other and state our opinions and not judge each other or members may be nervous about posting on here in case they are jumped on as is normal on some other sites.

Here, here!

[barbarella68]

Hear Hear too.

[Helen79]

This forum is great for airing our views and to "off load" as we can feel isolated when working alone. Thankfully we all have different opinions or this forum would be quite boring if we all shared the same views.

The op was discussing things that she was feeling frustrated with and some of the comments about her feelings where rather harsh.

Calling her dismissive and closed-minded, the words pot, kettle, black come to mind..............!!!

Lets support each other and state our opinions and not judge each other or members may be nervous about posting on here in case they are jumped on as is normal on some other sites.

I don't think anyone has been judgemental or been harsh towards the op. This forum does offer a lot of support but that doesn't mean that posters have to agree with everything and doesn't mean that negative opinions and treatment of a family shouldn't be challenged. A lot of her opinions aren't going to be taken kindly to on a forum where there are lots of parents who are bf and extended bf'ing.

The op did ask if she was maybe being too harsh and hadn't bonded with the family and many posters agreed that maybe this wasn't the family for her to be working with and why they felt that way. I also think a lot of posters are either shocked or saddened that a cm can be so negative about a family based on whether they bf and show affection for their dd.

Yes every cm can have their opinions and it is good to have an outlet but I can't see why any of the reasons given in the op should affect the care of the child or even why they annoy her. So what if dad carries his dd or mum bf, how on earth does that affect her care of the child? I could understand a cm have an issue with it if maybe the child was screaming for booby for hours on end and couldn't be consoled then maybe being bf could be causing the cm problems.

[Ripeberry]

i'd take a 3yr old saying daddy had booby milk with a pinch of salt to be honest and certainly not in the way that you are implying for you to find it distasteful. I can think of many reasons why a child might make that assumption from him drinking milk and her thinking it was daddies booby milk to the child catching mummy and daddy in a clinch and her jumping to conclusions that he was using her breasts for the same reason as she does. I would have probably jumped to a rather innocent conclusion for this statement rather than anything distastful and regardless it wouldn't effect how I felt about them as parents. I've got to be honest though I don't think I have a single parent (and I have 14 sets of parents) that I couldn't in a tongue and cheek fashion and say 'x tells me your hubby enjoys your booby milk!' lol! lol! smiles and laughter all round.

This so sounds like a certain sketch show. 'Bitty mummy, bitty?!'

[barbarella68]

I don't think the Op was bitching about the parent for no reason,she had a problem she wanted to air.Just because it's not a problem for one Childminder doesn't make it not a problem for another.

[Bridey]

I don't think the Op was bitching about the parent for no reason,she had a problem she wanted to air.Just because it's not a problem for one Childminder doesn't make it not a problem for another.

i don't agree - a problem is something that can be solved. To me the OP was voicing an opinion - one which many felt was somewhat unrealistic and unjustified. I think that if a minder's opinion of child rearing differs so much from a family's opinion of child rearing that it causes the minder to have negative feelings against them or the child then its an ill-matched partnership. This cannot be solved unless either party is prepared to change everything they believe in to suit the other, which realistically wouldn't happen.

However, I do believe that interested onlookers who want to share their opinions on the subject should do so intelligently and without malice.

[nipper]

Thanks for all the supportive comments. I did not intend for this post to become an anti/pro breastfeeding forum where everyone who is/has/is about to breastfeed could put throw their penny into the hat and basically **** me off. It's nice to see some familiar faces showing support for what I had to say...oh and by the way for what its worth tried breastfeeding my two but for one reason or another was unable to continue, but would have carried on had I been able to.
I still stand by what I said about three yr olds being too old, but all those people who jumped down my throat about something that was not the subject of my original post...all I asked for was a little bit of support in a trying situation, with a toddler who is used to getting her own way. Perhaps as other posters have said you were misguided by the title?

I must admit, my opinion of the forum has ever so slightly changed, which is a shame because up until now it has been a tremendous source of information and support...oh well.


as for bitching...where did that one come from? I am appalled that any of you could actually think that.

[JCrakers]

Chin up chuck....dont be put off the forum I just think you touched a raw nerve with some posters with the breastfeeding topic.

Same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. I had a screamer who screamed for most of the 10hr day. I just commented that I had put her in the buggy for a while to cry while I got on with the other children. 3-4 people jumped on me straight away saying I was a bad childminder/person and how could I leave a baby to cry when it needed me. It should be in a sling....er...no!!
I was working with the parents, they knew the situation and being in my situation of having a screaming baby for 10hrs and needing some respite before I went completely off my trolley, I did the best thing for me at the time and that was just having a while not listening to her...

Dont let it put you off. there are differences of opinions but accasionally if people feel passionate about something they can come over a bit beastly

[Helen79]

I can't see any trying behaviour in your op, you have a shy 3 yr old who isn't emotional or physically ready to be dressing herself which you seem very insensitive towards. You have put all this down to her parents being very attached towards her and her extended bf. A huge part of your post and title was about the bf so that's why people have picked up on it.
I'm neither pro or anti bf so your views on it don't bother me personally but professionally these views shouldn't affect how you deal with the girl's behaviour.

Most 3 yr olds are trying at times, if you actually pinpointed these behaviours that you need help with in your post then maybe people would be more supportive and be able to offer more tailored advice on her behaviour, instead of being negative about their family life which will upset other posters.

[nipper]

Oh believe me, she is not shy...she has two older brothers, dad is always bringing her in half dressed, saying she tried herself but was taking too long so he just picked her up and carried her out of the door. She gets so frustrated when taking her zipped leather boots off (you know the Clarks ones?) she can't even kick off a pair of wellies when holding onto a door frame or sitting on the floor and we have been working on that one for the past two weeks, amongst other things.
Dad is constantly referring to her 'moods' in front of her (which I don't think is constructive) especially when I have other parents collecting at about the same time with a few raised eyebrows! The other night he even made reference to her having to go in the conservatory when she got home unless she stopped making a fuss.
Most nights she refuses to walk unless I have started prepping her early so it's dad carrying her with bag, shoes, wellies, other assorted sundries like paintings, saying it's all right princess it's only a little walk to the car.
Yesterday for example, he collected her, she walked out by herself, got to car and mum was in front seat, she kicked off about wanting to go in front seat so mum had to get out of car and sit in the back seat.Thought they had gone, there was a knock on the door, she'd left something behind so while me and other mindees searched. A four year old mindee pointed her out having the screaming ab dabs in the car and boy was it dramatic.

Thing is, I know what I need to provide for her and when she is here and settled she's a happy, creative little girl...it's just the mamby pamby that she gets at home. They have recently asked me to look after her for two more days a week because elderly grandparents are finding it hard to cope with her...I wonder why?

Oh and as for the offer of help, no thanks!

[uf353432]

Are parents at all receptive if you were to be constructive in telling them she is very capable when in your care, that her behaviour is much more stable and give them tips on how to resolve issues with her? I don't mean all in one go, it might be too much to take on board and might come across as a criticism when that wouldn't be your intention, but maybe drip drip fashion. Have you tried talking to her about why she gets so angry when with mummy and daddy and reassure her that they will love her just as much as a big clever girl as a little clever girl? Parents might be grateful of some well intentioned support - sounds like she is a little diva with them. Perhaps share some of the strategies you use that are successful with you. Do you know if parents suffered a pregnancy loss before she came along? sometimes parents who have lost a baby end up babying the next one a little one too much if there are feelings of guilt and loss wrapped up in it.

[Bridey]

Thing is, I know what I need to provide for her and when she is here and settled she's a happy, creative little girl...it's just the mamby pamby that she gets at home. They have recently asked me to look after her for two more days a week because elderly grandparents are finding it hard to cope with her...I wonder why?

Ahh, now its becoming clearer!

I think if she is a happy little girl in your setting then don't worry about how she acts at home. With my mindees I have the opinion that at my house its my rules and what happens after that - well, that's up to the parents. If they want to let their little one rule the roost then that is up to them and I'm not going to worry about it unless they ask for my advice or help.

If she responds well in your home then there is no reason she won't be that way in school too and you can pat yourself on the back for that one.

As for getting dressed etc, she still has plenty of time to learn these skills before starting school. I know it feels the responsibility is on your shoulders but we all have come across that one time or another and the beauty of our work is that we can take pride in helping little ones move from one stage to another - but if a child isn't ready then you can't push. They all physically develop at different speeds. The advantage of being a childminder is we really have the time to spend with them and work at their pace to help them achieve the next steps.

My son has terrible fine motor skills despite lots of practice and exercises when younger. At 14 he had a fantastic, imaginative brain and awful handwriting and artwork. Thankfully his school concentrate on his positive skills although it is beyond me sometimes how they work out what he has written but I've been told to let them worry about that. I still take pleasure in displaying his artwork with pride However he STILL struggles with tight buttons

[nipper]

I have posted on here before about my concerns about her hearing and very unclear speech. She has has illness after illness including ear infections, coughs, colds, stomach upsets (must be the milk) and even a bout of worms caught off her brother. I asked dad about having her hearing tested which I guess at three she wouldn't have and he laughingly replies that all the men on his side of the family wear hearing aids...this is what I get, he hears me bit won't listen. I asked mum again and she said she had never taken her to a health visitor...how on earth can that happen? What about her two year progress appointment, she would have had that surely???

I'm afraid it's excuse after excuse with these ones most of the time.

[Kimmy050983]

Just to say but jamie was very late to be able to even pull his socks off - he has a low muscle tone. Just in the last 4 weeks now though he can completely undress himself - and i didn't specifically teach him! They all do it when they are ready!

[Helen79]

Oh and as for the offer of help, no thanks!

why did you post if you didn't want help with the issues then I'm assuming though that you're just referring to my advice and help though so I will step away from the thread.

I understand that people don't like confrontation on this site and that people should be able to post without fear of being upset by differing views but on the same note I don't think it's unreasonable to expect posters not to create threads that are quite obviously going to upset other forum members. And when told that their opinions are upsetting to other members to keep repeating them in several posts in the same thread.