Hiya

How do you handle death in your setting, I know its an unusual question.

Two little boys in my care aged 2 and 3 lost their daddy to motor nuron disease yesterday morning (he was only 28) the 2 year old knows somthing is wrong but doesnt quiet grasp what, where as the 3 year old is devasted! I am having them tomorrow and I really dont know how to handle it, right now all I can do is cry for them, such a young age to lose a parent

anna

I would talk to mum and find out what the family is saying so you don't confuse... has daddy gone with the angels? Gone to heaven? Depends on what their beliefs are.

That way, you can say the same thing...

I would think they're a bit little to start reading books with them and it will be a bit raw - so just loads of cuddles and the stuff you normally do to keep them in their routine.

Fine line between understanding and letting them get away with too much as well... so keep your boundaries firmly in place, whatever they throw at you... won't do them any good at this stage to play you up...

How dreadful for you all :(

oh how awful, those poor lil ones :( and you as well.

I'd definately give the mum a ring and ask her what is being said to them at home, if she can't talk or it is too hard for her to talk about get her to write it all down and give it to you when she brings the boys back.

Hope all goes ok *hugs*

Very good advice from Sarah. How awful for them. Love to you all.

Good advice has already been given but reading your message I had to say how sorry I am for you all, how awful to go at such a young age :(

Hi

As has been said great advice, just wanted to say we're here for you,

x helen

Oh my goodness i dont know how i would deal with something like that :eek:

Im not good in those situations, think i would speak to mother first :idea:

Think i would be crying too. Would need to get it out of my system before the children came again, so i could be strong for them!

I would follow mothers lead .

Sorry to be not much help, i does make you think

Good luck :thumbsup:

Oh Anna I'm sorry to hear your bad news, I don't know if this will help you with your children but it certainly helped when we lost someone close to us.
I was told to get this book to read to our son and it really helped him

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Badgers-Parting-Gifts-Susan-Varley/dp/customer-reviews/0006643175/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&customer-reviews.start=1&qid=1210349255&sr=1-1#customerReviews


My thoughts are with you

Cherry

Never had to deal with death for such young kids, but there is a miffy book called miffy's grandma, grandma bunny dies and it takes you through why everyone is sad and the funeral etc. Very good but I can't read it without crying :(

As said take your lead from the mum. Hope it isn't too awfull.

We are here if you need us xxxx

What dreadful news, it's great that you are there for the kids though, and that may be the only normality they get for a while, so I would just stick to your normal routine and not mention anything unless they do. The sad thing is that at that young age they won't remember him. Just be there as and when needed, kids are so accepting and are more likely to be upset at the fact everyone else is sad rather than the death, as death is such a big concept for them to understand.

I know this may be hard, but I'd try not to cry infront of them as they will be seeing enough of this at home, then when they've gone home sob your little heart out.

My prayers go to you and to the family.

Ali x

Oh that's such sad news. Everyone has already said what I would have posted, so sending you hugs instead

Emler x

That's so sad, especially with him being so young.

Thoughts are with you and the family.

littletreasures

Can't add much to what has already been said.........

Just take care of yourself, don't over do things and get yourself too worked up (easier said than done). Remember you'll need to be strong for them for a long time, not just tomorrow so don't burn yourself out.

Nothing to add...just wanted to say will be thinking of you all!:(

same here, very sad.

Thinking of you all

Hugs

Angel xx

Just got really upset reading this. Those poor little boys - not forgetting mum too. Never had to face this myself (am dreading when I have to even with my 10 year olds) so I don't really know what to say other than give them lots of cuddles and as someone said a normal routine while they are with you as everything will be very strange at home at the moment and they will be feeling very confused.

It must be awful for you also - my thoughts are with you all.

Carole x

hiya

thank you for the advice and support its much appreciated. Unfortunatly mum isnt around for the boys right now either, as she has worked herself into the floor looking after dad and is being looked after in the hospital.

I love having the boys, 2 and 3 theyre the youngest of 4 children (the others being 4 and 6).

Ive never had to face the death of a parent either and couldnt imagine losing mine!

Sorry only just seen this but didn't want to read and run

What a tragedy for this family - I'm sure your care and support will mean a lot to them

Thinking of you

miffy xx

Hi

I am so sorry to read this and can understand how you feel. It is good to be honest and they will understand it earlier. My brother died 3 years ago on 17th May 2005. He left a 2 month old and 2 year old girls behind. 2 month old obviously dont remember him but 2 year old is now 5 years old and she still waiting for daddy to come from heaven to see her pictures. She refuses to talk to anyone on a mobile or housephone cos daddy used to call her everymorning from work. Therefore if someone wishes to talk to her she think is daddy coming from heaven and then find out its not and just throws the phone. So it can be really hard for even a 2 year old as they are used to daddy coming from work or taking them to the park and play special plays.

My thoughts are with them as May is the saddest month of the year for me therefore I am going home on 16th so that my mom can see my little one and not just be sad on 17th for my brother.

Oh my goodness. How awful for all concerned. Poor mum being in hospital. Lots of cuddles needed but keeping them in their routine is paramount in my opinion. Brilliant advice already been given. You're all in my prayers xxx

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. What a terrible thing for that family - my heart breaks just reading it.

I would say though - I think its ok for kids to see you cry/be upset, it allows them to see that its ok to express the emotion (if an adult is doing so as well). So yes be strong but allow for your emotions too - even if its empathy tears and cuddles. Think you have been given some great advice already though.

perhaps further down the line with mums permission and help you could help the children do a Rememberance Book filled with drawings, pictures, notes/letters etc - something they can take joy from - all about Dad and them as a family, then start moving it on and get them to write to/talk to Daddy (if they want) to show Dad what they are doing now...

My heart and thoughts are with you all xxxxxxxxx

Poor little darlings, how very sad

Excellent advice already given

My thoughts are with you all.