Would you promise?.

[nikki thomson]

My dh is leaving for afghan on the 7th April and today my 3 children were watching the tv when it came on about the 6 soldiers killed recently and I went to turn over and the children said no we want to watch, I cried I always do when they come home for repatriation but my son said mummy promise me daddy will come home and I didn't know what to say so I said daddy and all his soldiers are very brave and I hope they all come home safe. Would you of promised your children there daddy would come home knowing that if he didn't they would always say but you promised he would.
I know it sounds very dramatic but children see everything in black and white you can't fluff it up with them, my ds has already had a few
Melt downs with it all, I just want what is best for them. X

[sillybeans]

Didn't want to read and run ...

I don't think I would promise something like this as it is such a huge thing and god forbid something happened, it may affect the children's trust and i'd imagine they would be very angry with you for a while

I think about how if i promise my neices that something will happen or we will go somewhere and then for whatever reason, no matter how valid the reason, they get so upset and refer to it for ages after and this is just small things such as outings

I try not to promise anything anymore :(

I would imagine it is so hard ... hope someone can offer better advice.

Sending you and your family hugs xx

[gegele]

don't want to read and run.

i wouldn't promise that he will come back BUT I would promise that Daddy and his soldier will be doing their best to keep each other safe.:)

I would agree a little ritual as a family that children and Daddy would do or say first thing in morning and or night so children will know at least one thing that daddy is doing for sure. do i make sense.

good luck to you and your family XX:thumbsup:

[The Juggler]

no no promises honey. just say. I know and you know that daddy will do everything he can to come home safely.


sending lots of prayers and hugs honey x

[Happy Gardener]

I wouldn't promise either, but just reassure them that he will doing everything he can to stay safe.

My husband went for 6 months last year, but it felt longer than that because the lead up to him going away was quite stressful. Although I didn't want him to go away, I almost needed him to go so that I could adjust to life without him. I felt as if life was on hold, & that feeling lasted for quite some time.

I have to say that my children were fantastic & coped really well, although they were 11 & 8. (I don't know how old yours are) We would say prayers every night 'to keep Daddy safe'.

I wish you all the best & hope that you have a good support network. We live in our own house & so there was no military support, & civilian friends have their own lives to live & weren't always so understanding at times when I was feeling overwhelmed with life as a single parent, & trying to run my own business.

If you need to chat at any stage, you are more than welcome to PM me.

Take care & sending you strength for the months ahead.

xxx

[BuggsieMoo]

Hi
Im a military wife also who has just gone through the deployment. I have never and never would promise my children that my hubby would come home safe - I dont think I could ever forgive myself if I promised them that and the worst happened.
Instead, Ive always explained where Daddy is, that it is dangerous but daddy works in a place that is safe and hopefully he will come home ok (have had friends hubbies killed so know the devestating impact it does have first hand watching their kids who believed daddy would come home safe as had been promised it by mummy, daddy, granny etc).
Im a big fan of never promising children something you cannot keep - and your hubby keeping safe is not something you cannot guarantee (sorry dont want to sound harsh).
Just make sure that there is lots for them to do to keep in touch with Daddy, explain when he doesnt call or write for a while he is just busy and avoid the TV! Mine were never allowed to watch anything to do with Afghanistan whilst he was away.
Sorry if I sound harsh -I do not mean to by any means. Its very hard to say what you think via reply without sounding like you are having a dig at someone.
If you need a shoulder please pm me and ill give you my personal details - remeber you're not alone.
Big hugs to you and your family
BuggsieMoo xxxxx

[Gherkin]

No I never promise children anything unless I know it is guaranteed. Last year one of my mindees parents was out there and we spent a lot of time talking about daddy and making things to go in the treasure boxes that she sent out to him a couple of times a month - pictures, cards, diaries of what she had done.

Hope the deplyment goes well for your family and that its over quickly with everyone home safe and sound.
Gx

[MAWI]

IM no longer an Army wife, but was for 15 years while my Hubby served his 22 years until recently.
I just want to bump up everything that everyone is saying, Good advice. Don't promise them anything. Just talk about how brave and what a good job Daddy is doing and that he will be doing his best to keep safe.

No deployment is easy and the media is all over it these days which I actually think can sometimes makes the situation harder. I remember being glued to SKY news for the first two weeks when hubby deployed to IRaq. DON'T do this. Find something else to do with kids especially at News time if you know there's going to be something on the news related to Afghan.
I think you can only guarantee that he will be doing all he can to do his job to the best of his ability and keeping as safe as possible.
It's so tough, sending Big hugs to you and all other families on the same situation. I know how tough it can be, especially those first few weeks.

Keep busy and talk to friends/family. Xxxx

[nikki thomson]

Thanks ladies, I'm use to dh being away and deployed he's been in the army 22yrs and was away for all 3 of my pregnancies in Iraq, I just get on with it tbh but the children are now at an age where they understand in particular my ds who is 8 and very sensitive, bless him, he's always a nightmare at the beggining of my dh tour, we'll be fine I just need him to go now. X

[chez]

totally agree with everyone above only promise what you can be in control of.

[BuggsieMoo]

Thanks ladies, I'm use to dh being away and deployed he's been in the army 22yrs and was away for all 3 of my pregnancies in Iraq, I just get on with it tbh but the children are now at an age where they understand in particular my ds who is 8 and very sensitive, bless him, he's always a nightmare at the beggining of my dh tour, we'll be fine I just need him to go now. X

It really does get to that stage doesnt it - needing them to go. I personally found the build up to it considerably worse for us all then living each day knowing he was there - after all once he was there we had to deal with it, instead of it being a build up to it happening. Big hugs to you all and I really hope that its a speedy and safe deployment for you all xxxx