Grrr @ MEN!

[EmmaReed84]

This is going to be long and very rambling... but seriously? Why are men so totally dense? (no offense to any men on here lol)

DH is in a mood because... I feed the kids?!?! :eek: I mean how dare I even eat a scrap of food during the week! "Emma why is there no (insert rude word) in this house at the weekend?"

"Well husband dearest perhaps because you did not go shopping yesterday and I am here everyday with 3 children and have to cook dinner every night for at least 6 people and my magic refilling cupboard is broken!"

This is one part of the job I HATE the most (aside from calling parent to collect lol) DH is always moaning about the amount of food I get though and that I should give the kids rubbish dinners... like "his Mum" now don't get me wrong I love him Mum to pieces I really do, but her idea of childminding is different to mine... That is all I will say about that... needless to say DH thinks I am wrong for doing my paperwork, buying resources for "them kids", cooking decent dinners, providing fruit, taking pride in my business. He thinks that I should be doing the housework first then looking after the kids second.

When I challenge him on this he says that he fully understands and supports me but these are just words and when it comes to it, he is always getting on at me. I am up 2 hours before him and actually working before he is out of bed. I make sure I iron his shirts and make his sandwiches, he has dinner ready when he comes home and the kids are ready for bed all he has to do is take them. He doesnt even offer to wash up the last few dishes which are his anyway as I would have done all the others.

His arguement is "So you expect me to wash the dishes after I have been at work while you sit on your :censored:"... well yeah considering I am already working while your STILL in bed in the moring.

There is so much more I am mad about right now, but I think I may have to stop otherwise I may actually spontaneously conbust!!!

[Chimps Childminding]

I know exactly how you feel :( My Dh totally supports me in my job as long as it
a) doesn't inconvenience him,
b) doesn't involve him having to help out
c) I don't ask him to do/buy anything that would make my life easier (I am talking about decking at the moment! - I would love some like June next door has with a gated fence round it so that in weather like we are having now the littlies can get outside without me constantly having to keep them off the grass which is quite wet and muddy at mo) but because he never uses the garden he doesn't see the point!!! We have a large slabbed area true but when I asked about having that fenced off he moaned :angry:
d) I still get everything in the house done, meals, washing/ironing, his lunchbox , oh and he has decided to start going to work earlier but guess who gets up earlier to make a cup of tea before he leaves :rolleyes:

I have just mowed the lawns while DH is asleep infront of the tv :angry::angry:

[The Juggler]

firstly if that's his attitude I'd be telling him to iron his own shirts and make his own sandwiches. Then tell him if he doesn't want to do the shopping you will spend an extra fiver each week and have the shopping delivered to the house (at a time when HE can unpack it) so he doesn't moan anymore:D

[EmmaReed84]

I have calmed down now... Oh I love you Chardonay...(The wine not the footballers wife :laughing:)

CAROLYN - Ugh sounds exactly like mine. When I buy things he moans that I always buy things for them kids and think more of them... Never thinks I am buying things to better my own business!

Juggler - We had an agreement that I get up and iron his shirts as I am ironing DS uniform anyway and I make DS his sandwiches so do DH's also and DH take DS to school, although he doesnt do it everyday... about 2-3 days. It jusat irks me that he moans about his hard 40 hour week... 8 hour day WITH a lunch break when I am at home working 10 hours NO break... 12 hours if you include my own kids.

Grrrrr..... *Sips wine*...... Ahhhhh :thumbsup:

[The Juggler]

I have calmed down now... Oh I love you Chardonay...(The wine not the footballers wife :laughing:)

CAROLYN - Ugh sounds exactly like mine. When I buy things he moans that I always buy things for them kids and think more of them... Never thinks I am buying things to better my own business!

Juggler - We had an agreement that I get up and iron his shirts as I am ironing DS uniform anyway and I make DS his sandwiches so do DH's also and DH take DS to school, although he doesnt do it everyday... about 2-3 days. It jusat irks me that he moans about his hard 40 hour week... 8 hour day WITH a lunch break when I am at home working 10 hours NO break... 12 hours if you include my own kids.

Grrrrr..... *Sips wine*...... Ahhhhh :thumbsup:


time to change that agreement I think ;) no more ironing until he stops moaning and why can't HE make ds's sandwiches whilst he is making his own :p

[boxtree7]

If you don't do your own ironing, cooking, cleaning, bla bla bla bla it will have wait till I have time ! that's my rule and I am sticking with it.

[ajs]

My hubby knows better. I think it's time you trained yours Emma or things will never change.

I for a start would not be ironing his shirts or making his sandwiches ( and Carolyn what the hell are yu making him a cu of tea for Stay in bed woman ) until he starts appreciating you more. My hubby is far from perfect ( a long way ffrom far really ) but he would never expect shirts ironed or sandwiches made unless I was willing to do them and it didn't impact on my time.

Don't expect change unless you make it happen

[LOOPYLISA]

Again my hubby knows better, and again not perfect, no one is....

I am very lucky and D does alot round the house etc, im not working at the moment either, i think you are going to have to sit down with him and talk, good luck x

[LOOPYLISA]

I know exactly how you feel :( My Dh totally supports me in my job as long as it
a) doesn't inconvenience him,
b) doesn't involve him having to help out
c) I don't ask him to do/buy anything that would make my life easier (I am talking about decking at the moment! - I would love some like June next door has with a gated fence round it so that in weather like we are having now the littlies can get outside without me constantly having to keep them off the grass which is quite wet and muddy at mo) but because he never uses the garden he doesn't see the point!!! We have a large slabbed area true but when I asked about having that fenced off he moaned :angry:
d) I still get everything in the house done, meals, washing/ironing, his lunchbox , oh and he has decided to start going to work earlier but guess who gets up earlier to make a cup of tea before he leaves :rolleyes:

I have just mowed the lawns while DH is asleep infront of the tv :angry::angry:

Nooooooo lawn mowers are man toys :thumbsup:

[flowerpots]

My dh is well trained :laughing: he knows not to ask me to do ANYTHING for him (which he is able to do himself) which might take up my free time, if I OFFER to do things thats fine but he knows not to ask. :thumbsup:

[EmmaReed84]

Dh does do SOME stuff, but it is like "I put the clothes away" "I hoovered the livingroom"...

"Oh my goodness, you wonderful amazing man you, wow what ever did I do to deserve that!" Yeah right! I don't mind doing what I do I just wish he realised what I do. He was alright, but just lately been really geting on my case about everything.

[FussyElmo]

My dh goes from being incredibly supportive to being a little lax but I soon get him back into line.

No way would he ever expect me to get up at 530 to do his shirts and sandwiches though actually dont think he is brave enough to ask me :laughing::laughing::laughing:

[loocyloo]

DH is about to convert the garage into a playroom for me ...but equally 'cos he wants the conservatory back ;) and doesn't want toys everywhere he looks!

he makes DS & DD lunch and his own ( sadnwich only, i do the rest! unless, he isn't making lunch for himself and then for some reason can't make theirs! :rolleyes: but they now tell him what they want anyway! :D) and does any of his own ironing that needs, unless i offer when i am ironing occaisonal bits of school uniform! ( i don't iron anything if i can help it! )

he does do things and will say ''i hoovered the house for you'' '' i put the washing in for you '' but isn't too bad.

he does comment on the amount of food that LO eat during the week, or like today, asked where the hot cross buns i bought on wednesday were ... ummm LO & i ate them? !!!

[The Juggler]

I agree hon. he will only expect these things if you allow him too. I would from now be strict. if he is ironing his work short, he can quickly do DS's can't he and make the sandwiches.

get tough

[CH1957]

I stopped nagging and got rid of mine this week - the house is so much calmer and cleaner!!! :D:D

[nikki thomson]

Bless him he must be sooooooo tired after being at
Work all day abd after all what do you do all day, sit and drink coffee with your mates....... Honestly men, they can be a nightmare sometimes.
Now I don't do my dh ironing, never have I do the kids and mine but never his and I don't make his sandwiches, they are grown men and can do it themselfs and with regards to food i keep telling my dh he's not to eat the children's allocated food, it bugs me when you know there was fruit in the fridge and then when you go to use it he's taken it to work.Lol.
My hubby is pretty good but he doesn't really help me but doesn't moan about having to share his house and children with other peoples children even though he wants me to stop cm, think he wants his home back. X

[Bob]

... but seriously? Why are men so totally dense? (no offense to any men on here lol)

Because women are completely unreasonable! (no offense to any women on here lol)

[Chimps Childminding]

Because women are completely unreasonable! (no offense to any women on here lol)

Wow you are either VERY brave, or have a death wish with a comment like that on here :eek: :eek::D

[EmmaReed84]

Wow you are either VERY brave, or have a death wish with a comment like that on here :eek: :eek::D

That is EXACTLY what I was thinking...

Or just incredibly STOOPID! lol.

Don't get me wrong DH can be lovely, he makes all the coffees in the evening, usually makes Sunday breakfast (although I have to clear the bombsite afterwards!)

It is just his nagging, my god I even accused him of being a moany old bag the other day :laughing:... I actually don't nag, I just get on with it and if I need some help will ask, like tonight I asked him to bath the kids while I put all the clothes away, he did it, but wanted a thank you afterwards!

I think my main gripe is the fact he doesn't recognise what I do and just takes it for granted the house is clean and tidy and his dinner is ready when he comes home, if he saw the house in the middle of the day he would have a heart attack lol

[WibbleWobble]

i see bob has "bobbed off"....:laughing:

[The Juggler]

ok, here's what I think


That is EXACTLY what I was thinking...

Or just incredibly STOOPID! lol.

Don't get me wrong DH can be lovely, he makes all the coffees in the evening, usually makes Sunday breakfast (although I have to clear the bombsite afterwards!) the fact you think that OK is why he is like he is hon. why doesn't he help make breakfast every day, why doesn't he clear up. When you cook do you make a massive mess for him to clean up - would he clean it???? He makes coffees in the evening - whoopeee and you do EVERYTHING else - sorry honey not having a go at all but unless you get a bit tougher i.e. we both work full time - therefore housework is 50:50 too then he won't change :(

It is just his nagging, my god I even accused him of being a moany old bag the other day :laughing:... I actually don't nag, I just get on with it and if I need some help will ask, like tonight I asked him to bath the kids while I put all the clothes away, he did it, but wanted a thank you afterwards!

I think my main gripe is the fact he doesn't recognise what I do and just takes it for granted the house is clean and tidy and his dinner is ready when he comes home, if he saw the house in the middle of the day he would have a heart attack lol

if you make him do half the housework/kids stuff and HIS OWN stuff, he'll soon realise what exaclty you do and will appreciate it. :)

[mr man]

my DH has learnt lots over the years, but still has mishaps.

ie. last week he helped with the washing and pair socks while i sorted the clothes - well for some reason he only paired his own, ( think he was having a moment , where they want an argue but i wasnt playing the game).

he now knows becasue i ahve left his clothes, when sorting the washing ive left his. he can do it himself. :)
ive done this once before years and years ago, and he regretted it as he had no clothes left and had to wash them all ,thinking i was giving in :laughing:

that'll be the last time he only pairs his socks. cheeky *** :) but it was his comments "well i dont wear them " that is what gave him his punishment. :laughing:

must saym though he does do his butties, or anyting he needs ironing , plus the garden is his deparment. :)

ive not done too bad but they do deffo need to be kept i check :D

[EmmaReed84]

ok, here's what I think



if you make him do half the housework/kids stuff and HIS OWN stuff, he'll soon realise what exaclty you do and will appreciate it. :)

I get what you are saying. I totally do. He doesn't help with the breakfast because my mindees arrice at 7am, and kids get up and we just all have breakfast together. He doesn't get up until 7.30am, then has a shower. He then takes DS to school on his way to work (if he can and aslong as I don't have other mindee)

He gets home at 6.30pm but we have all eaten by 4.45pm, mindees go home at 5pm and I clear away so he only has his own dishes... Which does bug me to high heaven and we have had massive rows about because he leaves them and I end up doing them in the morning... ewww!

On a weekend who ever cooks, the other washes up.

I just want him to come home and ask what can he do to help, not moan about how tired he is after work... makes me want to slap him lol.

[Cammie Doodle]

My Hubby is not perfect, ( as Carolyn will tell you lol) but he is very good most of the time, often helps tidy up/ Hoover etc at the end of the day if he is off duty. He does most of the shopping and he does keep Carolyn and I going in cups of tea and will make us lunch too :D
When I first started I think he thought I was home all day doing nothing :rolleyes: , but on his off duty he seen how hard it can be, lots of Hubby's / partners never see our working day. I'm not as patient as Carolyn , bless her.
I cook tea, Hubby does the kitchen afterwards , and why not ? Oh I'm a hard woman lol .

[VeggieSausage]

I am in full sympathy, my dh apparently supports me but does nil housework ever and will leave the house in a tip (grrrrr:angry:) I do all the cleaning, washing, gardening, most of the diy except drilling (for everyone's safety), I have 3 dd's of my own (17, 15, 4) ....dh takes our 4 yr old to school and that is about it. In the morning before everyone arrives I am rushing around clearing up and sorting stuff out while making dd's packed lunch etc and after he has had a shower he lies on the bed for 20 mins so he can relax before work grrrrrrr:angry:
At the weekend he moans if we don't go out and go walking or days out each day at the weekend ....phew I am knackered, when do I ever get to chose what I want to do......

that feels better.....lets hope we all have a good week.

xx

[Tippy Toes]

My hubby not much different really, I don't iron his shirts or do his packed lunch.

Only things he will do around the house is hoover at the end of the day(most days) and make a hot drink in the evening. Thats it. But sometimes I have to ask him to do it!

Some things I have asked him to do he will ignore and leave for weeks until I ask again. Such as fixing the drawers to the wardrobe.

Will occasionally do others things....if I ask him!

Does get to me.

[TooEarlyForGin?]

During our regular weekend punch-up, (DH, who doesn't know he is born, after 10 years of not having to deal with our own kids, school, sickness, housework etc etc etc, I have tried to get rid of him with little success) he told me he is fed up having to come home to all the kids **** (rubbish) everywhere. I spend every Friday tidying the house, I have a shed for all the big toys, take all the posters down, the rest of the stuff goes in ottoman's, there is very little left out, as I know he hates it all. He forgets I then have to get up extra early on a Monday to get it all out again. He also convieniently forgets that I started doing this to support him in his job and I am now very proud of my business and it brings in a good wage to OUR home. I said if he puts down my business once more I will put all the toys outside, sell them and become a SAHM again and he can fully support me, or I will work and he will have to get of his lazy bum to do more that he gets away with as I am always here.

Can you tell I had a lovely weekend. :D

[Twinkles]

DH and I have always shared the housework. In fact he probably does more than I do.
I do most of the cooking but almost no dishwasher loading.
He does the washing and we iron our own clothes ( if we really have to )

I do the loos , shower room and bathroom and he vacuums and cleans the kitchen.

When our children were young we just used to keep the mess down to a certain level during the week and 'blitz' the house on a Saturday morning.

I'm not saying this to say 'look at us we've got it sorted aren't we the clever ones'

I'm just shocked and dismayed that women's equality doesn't seem to have reached our homes.
I'm a lot older than many of you here and thought things were more equally divided now.

[TooEarlyForGin?]

oh oh oh oh and I just love it when he actually does something, like take OUR daughter swimming or put the bins out (a yearly excursion for him) he will say "I'll take Chloe swimming tonight FOR YOU if you like" or "i've put the bins out FOR YOU tonight" - obviously waiting for a "thank you so much", he gets a "what you actually found the bins then?" ;)

[VeggieSausage]

these 'boys' don't know they are born!!!

[Bob]

I wouldn't dream of suggesting that none of you ladies have a legitimate cause to complain about your partners BUT it may ease tensions and make your lives less stressful if you understand that men and women are different.
I recommend the book "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus"
I can speak about the men's view with considerable authority as I am, in fact, a man. We do view thing from a different perspective. If we take you out for a meal we think that should be worth lots of brownie points. Sorting socks, to us, would only be worth a fraction of a brownie point. That's why we don't think about doing all those little, helpful jobs that would actually make you feel more valued and loved. We just don't understand how your mind works. Women, on the other hand would give us 1 brownie point if we took you out for a slap up meal. You would also give us 1 brownie point for getting you a cup of tea. See what I mean? different ways of looking at things. There is hope though, luckily for women, men are easily trained. We do need recognition and we also need lots of pats on the back.
It's a bit like training a dog, if it does what you want you give it a biscuit. Well for us the biscuit is "Oh thank you very much for doing that for me Darling" or a touch and a cuddle while you tell us how fantastic we are.
Result...... you get the bins put out and our fragile ego is massaged.

[The Juggler]

I wouldn't dream of suggesting that none of you ladies have a legitimate cause to complain about your partners BUT it may ease tensions and make your lives less stressful if you understand that men and women are different.
I recommend the book "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus"
I can speak about the men's view with considerable authority as I am, in fact, a man. We do view thing from a different perspective. If we take you out for a meal we think that should be worth lots of brownie points. Sorting socks, to us, would only be worth a fraction of a brownie point. That's why we don't think about doing all those little, helpful jobs that would actually make you feel more valued and loved. We just don't understand how your mind works. Women, on the other hand would give us 1 brownie point if we took you out for a slap up meal. You would also give us 1 brownie point for getting you a cup of tea. See what I mean? different ways of looking at things. There is hope though, luckily for women, men are easily trained. We do need recognition and we also need lots of pats on the back.
It's a bit like training a dog, if it does what you want you give it a biscuit. Well for us the biscuit is "Oh thank you very much for doing that for me Darling" or a touch and a cuddle while you tell us how fantastic we are.
Result...... you get the bins put out and our fragile ego is massaged.


Bob you don't sound in the least bit like a man who would expect the missus to do 90% of the housework or chores so we are not digging at you. I fully get your viewpoint above and amusing as the training a dog bit is I see what you mean. When we have our little fall outs DH says "but just tell me what you want me to do!" whilst I am "that's the point, I shouldn't have to keep telling you what needs doing, I have to remember it all, I need you to remember too as my brain is too full of things to remember" :laughing::laughing: so no hope for us :laughing:

anyway, I agree with twinkles I am seriously shocked at the number of DP's on here who do not pull their weight in this day and age with both partners working

[Bob]

anyway, I agree with twinkles I am seriously shocked at the number of DP's on here who do not pull their weight in this day and age with both partners working

That is sort of the point I was trying to get across. We don't know that we aren't pulling our weight. We really do think that shopping gets in the cupboards by magic. Actually that's not true, we really don't think about it at all, and that's where the friction and arguments start. We don't appreciate how hard you work while we're out at work because we don't know what you do. On the other hand of course, you don't know how hard we work while we're at work.
Another major difference is the way we communicate. My wife constantly accused me of not listening to her. I said I had. She would want to talk to me about her day and it's problems. I thought she wanted me to solve her problems. For example she would tell me all about her buggy being difficult to get up kerbs with the children and shopping in it. My instant solution, get the shopping delivered. "sorted" then I stopped listening because I had solved the problem. My wife didn't need or want a solution, she wanted to talk about it. I prevented that communication because I had misunderstood what that conversation was about.

I've just read that back and I'm thinking "Coo hark at me giving solutions rather than listening". Obviously I still need to work on my listening skills. I've just checked with my wife and she said yes I should.

[The Juggler]

That is sort of the point I was trying to get across. We don't know that we aren't pulling our weight. We really do think that shopping gets in the cupboards by magic. Actually that's not true, we really don't think about it at all, and that's where the friction and arguments start. We don't appreciate how hard you work while we're out at work because we don't know what you do. On the other hand of course, you don't know how hard we work while we're at work.
Another major difference is the way we communicate. My wife constantly accused me of not listening to her. I said I had. She would want to talk to me about her day and it's problems. I thought she wanted me to solve her problems. For example she would tell me all about her buggy being difficult to get up kerbs with the children and shopping in it. My instant solution, get the shopping delivered. "sorted" then I stopped listening because I had solved the problem. My wife didn't need or want a solution, she wanted to talk about it. I prevented that communication because I had misunderstood what that conversation was about.

I've just read that back and I'm thinking "Coo hark at me giving solutions rather than listening". Obviously I still need to work on my listening skills. I've just checked with my wife and she said yes I should.

no, it's really good to have an insight from "the other side". Its so hard because when I'm stressed, I want someone to share the responsibility of what needs to be done not just someone who shares the doing when asked. But I get where you are coming from. I do like DH to give solutions to my problems when I tell him but you are right, the listening to me is half the problem solved anyway :laughing: we are mysterious creatures aren't we?

things is you are right, the boys don't know how hard our day is nor we theirs but thing is at the end of the workign day, everyone is knackered and the boys need to take some responsibility for opening up their eyes and seeing what needs doing.:panic:

[LOOPYLISA]

Bob you don't sound in the least bit like a man who would expect the missus to do 90% of the housework or chores so we are not digging at you. I fully get your viewpoint above and amusing as the training a dog bit is I see what you mean. When we have our little fall outs DH says "but just tell me what you want me to do!" whilst I am "that's the point, I shouldn't have to keep telling you what needs doing, I have to remember it all, I need you to remember too as my brain is too full of things to remember" :laughing::laughing: so no hope for us :laughing:

anyway, I agree with twinkles I am seriously shocked at the number of DP's on here who do not pull their weight in this day and age with both partners working

^^^ me neither :thumbsup: its a patnership 50/50 :thumbsup: