Breastfeeding Influences

[Spangles]

Hi

Hope it's okay with you all for me to ask this - I know I don't come on here much at all now but I trust you all and appreciate your comments whatever they may be!

I'm training to be a breastfeeding counsellor and for my latest assignment I have to find out about what influences mothers with their breastfeeding experience.

Influences such as partners, family & friends, the media, midwives, GPs, health vistors, etc.

I would appreciate any comments at all - positive or negative - both are equally important.

Thank you x

[Gen79]

Well my personal biggest influence with regards to breast feeding was my MIL. She fed three babies herself and was staying with us when I had my DD. She's a bit of a judgmental woman and I knew that she'd judge me if I gave up. For some people that would have assured failure and I know that the prevailing thought these days is to support without judgement but honestly if I didn't feel like I was going to be judged for giving up I think I would have. I'm really really grateful for it. My DD is 11 months now and I'm still bf'ing and hoping to continue for another year even.

[waterwaybabies]

for me it was just the natural thing to do?
not influenced by anyone really. just the obvious choice for me.

i fed all four of mine for between 18 months and two years quite happily.
even though i would never judge anyone for choosing to bottlefeed for whatever reason i do have to control my reaction when faced with a newborn with a bottle in its mouth. never looks right somehow.x [to me that is. not judging just being honest]xxx

[Spangles]

Thank you for your replies x

[Katiekoo]

The biggest influence for me was my new baby. The midwife was very good and helped us get started in the delivery room, and I had always had the attitude that if I found it hard I wouldn't put pressure on myself.
My baby girl took to it amazingly well, and wow it was wonderful, she was a hungry little thing and barely let go of me for the first couple of days. I breastfed her for a year.

[mushpea]

if it helps I didnt breadfeed and was put off by the midwifes in the hospital as they just kept grabbing my boobs and trying to put baby on, in the end I felt like a useless peice of meat which meant when my 2nd child was born I didnt even try and went straight to the bottle
I know you asked for what influenced but negatives also may help you decide the best way to help people, I feel there is a lot of preasure to breast feed these days and it just isnt for everyone and dosent work for everyone and maybe supporting all mothers rather than just breastfeeding mums would be good.

[kindredspirits]

i breastfed my DS for 8 weeks and am currently still feeding my 10wk old DD.
With my DS I was very influenced by my DH - DS had reflux (undiagnosed at the time) and would feed constantly because he was trying to soothe the pain - DH convinced me that I wasn't producing enough milk to satisfy him. i got stressed because i was feeding all the time and i was being subtly told that i wasn't doing what was best for him.

with Arla she latched on with no trouble literally 10 mins after birth and nursed for over an hour and i am so much more confident. because i am more confident in what i am doing and the good i am doing i feed her out and about without shame (iykwim) I love feeling so attatched to her, and so needed and i won't be giving up until she self weans.
i didn't have anyone family wise to give me advice or their experiences so i wasn't influenced in that way. however my SDD recently had a baby and only bf'ed whilst in hospital for the first 3 days or so then gave up immediately - her mum did not bf her or her brother either and i think she was very influenced by that fact and had made up her mind not to carry on before she'd even tried.

hth x

[uf353432]

I'm the same as the pp, for me it was just a natural decision. I fed both my daughters one till 2 years and the other a few months beyond 2. With no female influences (my mum died long before children came), I don't have sisters, my MIL is a bottle advocate and lives too far away to influence decisions really I didn't have any role models persuading me either way. I had my fair share of problems, but it was a decision that was so right in my head that it didn't occur to me to give up at any point. I went on to train as a peer support worker and still now support bf mothers and actually to my surprise bottle feeding mothers - i'm acutely aware that this choice was very personal to me and respect that other peoples choices are very personal to them.

[louise]

I didn't breastfeed ds, I have been made to feel inadequate by my friend due to this. She was did not know I hadn't but ranted on about how her SIL hadn't. Another friend also felt upset by this, she had tried but was unsuccesful. I don't like how people can make you feel bad and that you are not doing the best for your child for not breastfeeding, it is the parents choice and too many people will shot you down for it. That was my choice when ds was born nearly 8 years ago. I had not known anyone who had and at 20 I had no friends with children. I also felt it was nice for my dh to be able to feed ds as well and bond (I know this will have many of you disgreeing with this bit but that is how I felt)

If we we're to have another child I would try breastfeeding, after attending toddlers for 8 years I now have more knowledge in a way, if you know what I mean. Also I know where to get help and advice ect.

[uf353432]

actually as a bf mother thats the only thing that I struggled with Louise - my husband could not feed our girls. By god I tried - expressing was fine but neither would take from a bottle and so my husband missed out on that experience. He found other ways to bond with them, but feeding was definately not one of them and that did feel like I was totally tied to the girls - in the main this was fine - but sometimes you want a break - especially in the middle of the night.

[Spangles]

Thank you very much for all of your replies.

Yes please, I would really find it useful to hear stories of people's negative influences too as these are so important.

I think people need to always be aware that how you feed your child is a personal decision and everyone should do what is right for them. How a baby is fed does not define how good a mother someone is.

My mum did not breastfeed me because she thought it was 'disgusting' and that is completely fine by me, everyone is different and should respect other's decisions. My mum loves me no differently to how I love my children who I breastfed - we were just fed by different methods.

Thank you again for the replies, I much appreciate it. x

[Mouse]

For me it was just the natural thing to do. I didn't even consider bottle feeding and don't remember ever giving it any thought. I didn't have any femail family influences and friends at the time mainly bottle fed, so I didn't feel any pressure to do it. I was what I wanted to do. I loved the intimacy of bfing and the ease of not having to make up bottles, bother with a steriliser etc.

I did find though that I had more pressure to give up when it didn't go so well. My MIL in particular blamed every little niggle on breastfeeding - DS was unsettled, he needs to be on a bottle, DS didn't sleep - he needs to be on a bottle etc etc. Unfortunately that led to DH telling me I should switch to bottles. I told him in no uncertain terms that he should be supporting me, not siding with his mum!

[The Juggler]

for me it was my babies and the health benefits to them and the closeness that I thought I would gain from it.

As I turned out I was unsuccessful in breastfeeding either of my two :( they couldn't feed/latch on so after spending a few weeks with both expressing the tiniest amounts of milk, there was nothing left.

I feel a bit cheated of the experience if I'm honest :(

[LOOPYLISA]

I didnt bf my dd and if we were to have another baby i prob wouldnt again.

I hate the saying breast is best as i really don't think it is, just my opinion :thumbsup:

My dd was bottle fed and is a healthy 14 yr old, i have a friend who has many children and they were bf and are always poorly so who knows :thumbsup:

[jane5]

I didnt bf my first 4 babies born in the late 80's and early 90's, I tried half heartedly with 2 of them but gave up after 2 or 3 days.
With 2 I didnt even try but in those days there was a patients smoking room on the end of the corridor on every maternity ward :rolleyes:

I had my last baby in 2008 and desperately wanted to bf.
Dd was slightly tongue tied so latched on fine but soon 'fell off' so that was very difficult and the 'head' of bf visited me to offer help but it was hard.

Dd's jaundice levels kept rising and we went back to the maternity ward twice and she was under the lights for 3 days at a time before she was 10 days old.

Eventually dd was diagnosed with breastfeeding jaundice and I was told to bottle feed her by the consultant as my breast milk was making her ill.
I was really shocked and upset by the reaction of a couple of midwives who were not happy that I had 'given up'

[lozzy23]

The reasons for me breastfeeding was health benefits for the baby, the cost -it was freely available and I just wanted to breastfeed, never even considered bottle feeding.

I was the first of my friends to have a baby and so peer pressure was not a problem. My mum was thrilled I BF as she was unable to with me or my sister, her milk dried up after a few weeks. MIL - don't know what she thought I don't take any notice of her:laughing:

My DD was a natural at latching on and feeding. When my DS was born he would latch on and then take a breath and bite(gum) down on my nipple it was so painful and bled:blush:TMI, but my DH kept reminding me how much I had enjoyed BFeeding my DD and would regret it if I gave up, so I carried on, one of only a few times he has been right;). Fed all 3 of my children until they were around 15 months.

[Babycat]

I personally thought breastfeeding was weird- I guess I never tought Id do it but I went to a workshop while pregnant and decided Id try Jake done all the work. There are times when you feel like meat, sore as the pressure on your nipples is horrible, bleeding cracked etc concentrating too much about where they wanted him/ how to latch but soon decided our way or none and 13 months Im interested in how all you fab mummies getting to 24 months got them off lol doesnt look like Jakes going anywhere. Had a lovely bonding with my boy though worth it all long days sleepless nights..

[tulip0803]

My biggest influence was also that it was a natural thing to do.

My Mum did not breast feed me (I was her first in 1970) the hospital persuaded her that as I was small I needed to be bottle fed. She did feed myounger brother & sister for a few months.

Both my husbands were supportive although my 2nd much more so which is probably why my DS was breast fed for 9 months and DD1 & 2 for 25 months and 23 months respectively. I think my first husband had had enough by that point and looking back was encouraging bottle feeding too from 4 months so I was combi feeding.

Both girls were only breast fed even when I went back to work with DD1. I worked for the AA and they were very supportive and they allowed me to go to her in my lunch break and feed her :D I think that enabled me to keep the feeding going for much more time.

I never really suffered from very sore nipples just slightly uncomfortable but I did manage to get through mastitis with DD2 through the support of my DH and my Mum.

Neither of the girls ever used a bottle they both took expressed milk from a beaker from 4 months.

DS and DD1 were poor suckers to start with and I had loads of support from the community midwives. The hospital midwives kept taking DS off and giving him a bottle as he was so small! (was 1992 though) Things had changed by the time I had DD1 5 years later and the hospital midwives were just as supportive as the community ones:thumbsup:. DD2 knew exactly what to do from the time she was born.

[Polly2]

The biggest influence for me was my best friend. She was a huge support to me and was bfding her own daughter at the time. I have to admit though she did make it look easy and I had a big shock when I had cracked nipples, engorged breasts, mastitis but I am very single minded and persevered through those first few weeks until it became second nature.

I do think new mums need to be warned that its not all plain sailing. Its one thing looking at diagrams and knowing the theory but quite another doing it for real.

I would love to be a bf support - how did you get into this?

[Mollymop]

I didn't breastfeed - I had c-sections with both my 2 and felt under pressure from media, newspapers, articles in magazines that "breast is best" but after going through an emergency c-section feeling almost like death lol, the last thing you think about is breastfeeding so 1st baby was given bottle. Had no health problems, no asthma, no excema, nothing. Healthy and always has been. (he is 13)
5 years later baby no.2 - had no intention of breast feeding - my bg boobs were sore enough as it was. Bottle fed her - no health issues, no allergies, nothing so far (she is almost 8) touch wood.
My mother, sister etc all bottle fed too so I suppose that influenced me.
I used to feel annoyed by people/midwifes who told me I should have breastfed - who's decision was it - it was mine. I feel strongly that we women shouldn't be pushed into breastfeeding like my sister was - her baby wouldn' latch, her nipples were bleeding, she cried and cried and felt useless midwives told her to keep trying, HV told her not to give up they tried to help her butthey pushed her too. Until my mum had anything to say about it! lol. She gave baby bottle and he took it straight away - again, healthy 16 year old boy!

[LOOPYLISA]

I didn't breastfeed - I had c-sections with both my 2 and felt under pressure from media, newspapers, articles in magazines that "breast is best" but after going through an emergency c-section feeling almost like death lol, the last thing you think about is breastfeeding so 1st baby was given bottle. Had no health problems, no asthma, no excema, nothing. Healthy and always has been. (he is 13)
5 years later baby no.2 - had no intention of breast feeding - my bg boobs were sore enough as it was. Bottle fed her - no health issues, no allergies, nothing so far (she is almost 8) touch wood.
My mother, sister etc all bottle fed too so I suppose that influenced me.
I used to feel annoyed by people/midwifes who told me I should have breastfed - who's decision was it - it was mine. I feel strongly that we women shouldn't be pushed into breastfeeding like my sister was - her baby wouldn' latch, her nipples were bleeding, she cried and cried and felt useless midwives told her to keep trying, HV told her not to give up they tried to help her butthey pushed her too. Until my mum had anything to say about it! lol. She gave baby bottle and he took it straight away - again, healthy 16 year old boy!

:thumbsup:

[EmmaReed84]

I so wanted to BF, however all did not go to plan. I got induced due to pre-eclampsia, things went wrong and it was a horrific experience (actually surprised I had another child TBH)

Anyway about an hour after my son was born the MW came and told me he needed feeding. He didn't latch on, he was tired, I was tired and very emotional, not to mention dosed up on all sorts. The MW kept saying (pushing) that I needed to do it... To the point she was literally grabbing me and pinching my so hard to get my son to take, She made me move in all sorts of positions, I was crying and kept saying I couldn't do it and to give him a bottle.

She kept pushing and pushing and saying things to make me feel like I wasn't trying. In the end my Mum had to shout at her and tell her to leave me alone because she was distressing me AND my son, who by this point was screaming.

Son got a bottle and was fine... During my second pregnancy I point blank refused to even try because of my past experience now I bitterly regret not trying, but I was so scared of going through the same again.

[boxtree7]

When my daughter was born in 1998 the midwife asked are you breastfeeding ... My husband said yes she is ( I am glad he did I would be still making the decision) -there was no support in the hospital I did self taught but with my son who was born in 2010 the hospital did all they could to encourage me and I wanted to it correctly but my son wasn't interested so after being pulled and poked by the breastfeeding experts after day 4 I told the midwife I am putting my bra on and its not coming off and I would like a bottle for my son.

[jelly15]

if it helps I didnt breadfeed and was put off by the midwifes in the hospital as they just kept grabbing my boobs and trying to put baby on, in the end I felt like a useless peice of meat which meant when my 2nd child was born I didnt even try and went straight to the bottle
I know you asked for what influenced but negatives also may help you decide the best way to help people, I feel there is a lot of preasure to breast feed these days and it just isnt for everyone and dosent work for everyone and maybe supporting all mothers rather than just breastfeeding mums would be good.

I had a similar experience and it didn't help that we were in the process of building our own home and staying with my parents and my mother was very disapproving of me bfing, so I gave up in a matter of days and didn't bother with second baby at all.

[~Chelle~]

I breastfed both my sons, no influences at all, as all my family members bottle fed their babies.

I am glad that I did and both my sons are healthy :D

[Toothfairy]

I breast fed all 4 of mine but only for the first 3-4 months, as my milk seemed to dry up naturally by then.
I wasn't influenced by anyone, it was just the natural thing to do for me.

HTH :thumbsup:

[RachelE]

I wasnt BF and didnt really have any interest in it and was unsure.

Ds was born in 2001 by CSection and weighed 11lbs 11ozs. I tried to BF for 10 days, but I was so sore from the section - he was too heavy to lift and I couldnt get up and down easily - so after 10 days I gave him a bottle. He's a very healthy 10 yr old now.

I had dd in 2006 and wasnt going to BF anyway, but found out at 34 weeks pregnant that I had cancer and would be spending a week in hospital when she was 5 weeks old for treatment and didnt want to leave her with dh, when she wanted bf'ing.
After I gave birth to dd, I asked for some formula and the midwife was very rude - it was on my notes about my cancer! She is also very healthy after being bottle fed.

Rachel x

[Loushah]

I breast feed both boys for a short period of time and both times after me suffering with cracked, bleeding nipples and feeding boys in pain with tears. My husband made a bottle and took over, both times I didn't want him too but he did it regardless....I know he only wanted to help but I felt like he took my right to breast feed from me :-(

[PixiePetal]

I breast fed my 2 (now 17 and 15) for about 5/6 months

It felt right for me and no one influenced me in their opinions/ways. Everyone has their idea - HV/midwife/Dr/friends. I listened but knew I would know what was right for me :) I introduced bottles of expressed milk by 6 weeks or so and formula as my milk slowed down. I think I did it right for me as no problem stopping when I did as milk had slowly lessened over months.

It helped with DS, who was a big baby (10lb 7.5oz)and I had lost the use of my shoulder and hip during labour (use came back over a period of 2 months) that I was not making bottles and could just wedge him on a cushion at the right level :)

Listening to advice is good and if it feels right - do it! If not don't feel pressured. My friends DD was fully bottle fed - you really can't tell the difference now they are teens :D

[loocyloo]

i wanted to BF, and was keen to do so, but DS just wouldn't play the game!

i was in hospital for 4 days after he was born and although he would latch on, he just wouldn't suck! the midwives were generally supportive, although i did have a young midwive who was very rough at grabbing my boobs and ds and trying to make it work! i ended up expressing and lap feeding as well as continueing to try and feed. after over a week i stopped trying, and went to bottles and even then, ds took a long time each feed to be persuaded to suck! i saw a BF counseller in hospital who made me feel about 2 inches tall because it wasn't working and told me i HAD to carry on trying and not give up. she was not at all supportive. she told me stories off women who had to try for 6/8 weeks before babe got the hang of feeding. i wanted to enjoy my baby, and my baby to be happy, not the sad hungry baby i did have those first few days. ( the young midwive was the first midwive to visit me at home and she was again, not very supportive. i felt she was telling me not to be silly, of course ds would feed, just to get on and feed him. i asked not to see her again! )

when i had dd, she was born at 10.30pm, and again, despite latching on, she didn't really feed more than a mouthful, and at 5am, after being awake pretty much all night, and with dd crying i asked for a bottle so i could feed her. the wonderful midwive said ok, came back with a bottle, then said she would take Dd and feed her and let me get some sleep. later on i told midwive the trauma i had had trying to feed ds and that i wasn't doing that again! i attempted to BF, but when after a week or so, dd was still not interested, i didn't worry. she also, was a dreadful feeder.

i do wish i had been able to BF, but valued the people who supported me and accepted my decision without making a fuss. but i don't feel bad about not doing it. i know i tried and that is good enough for me.

i was bottle fed, think my brothers were too, and i was the first in the family and pretty much in most of our friends to have children. although, having always worked in childcare, i had lots of friends who BF, and had had good experiences.

[Pinkrose]

My family were my influence, my mum and sisters had breastfed so it was the natural thing to do, I did not even consider bottles. I found the first few weeks really really hard with m first and would have given up but my family gave me loads of support

[Spangles]

Thank you everyone for sharing your personal experiences with me.

I really appreciate it and it's given me a better understanding of how women are influenced and what experiences they are having.

x

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

When I was pregnant with ds1 I wasnt too sure either way what I was going to do. I had a fantastic labour with him until it got to the pushing stage, He turned back to back and face presentation and needed an emc. I was devistated it was so far from what i wanted. I felt (and no offence to others who have had sections this was my own opinion) that my body had failed me and I had been robbed of giving birth to my child something I continuously beat myself up about. So I insisted on bf as I wanted to prove to myself and others that my body wasnt useless and could do something (all of this in a hormonal post baby haze) only problem was ds1 had other ideas and wouldnt latch on. I was devistated again, thought I was the worse mum in the world and was told by several professionals to give up. It got so bad that I would actually sneak off into the bathroom to express a pathetic amount of milk cause I didnt want to dry up.

When ds1 was 6 weeks old he started rooting at me in bed and suddenly latched on, my milk had almost dried up so it was hard work getting my supply up but I did and fed him till he was 14 months.

ds2 - planned to have a vbac, wanted it to be everything ds1 birth wasnt. did hypnobirthing etc. Waters broke nothing happened. I had undiagnosed strep b another emc (gutted) ds2 born had meningitus and was given a bottle. once out of sbu tried to feed wouldnt latch on, he was badly tongue tied, had to express and feed for 2 weeks till he had his tongue snipped and then fed till he was a yr.

So to answer your question it was my own self-esteem that made me bf. I felt I was robbed of giving birth to both my boys and during the baby blue stage felt inadequate as a mother and a woman and wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. After this it just became a thing both me and my children loved.

[jumpinjen]

I fed both my daughters exclusively and am now feeding my son still at 7 months old. I struggled very time to get the hang of it and suffered pain and frustration, cracked and bleeding nipples, mastitis multiple times, thrush, you name it but i really really wanted to do it and it was important to me. No one ver suggested giving up and that was important too. My experience with counsellors has been mised, some supportive (especially BFN on the phone0 and some that made me feel inadequate, but I pressed on regardless and all three seemed to sort it out and feed easily once they reached about 6 weeks old. i don't think the nhs leaflets of flawlessly feeding babies help as they make it seem like it is really easy and that babies should pop out and jump on the boob. what they don't tell you is that babies are born with the instinct to feed but not the know how and both of you have to learn and that for most people it isn't a breeze! I suffered post natal depression undiagnosed until my second daughter was 2 1/2 but the fact that i succeeded with feeding them myself was a good part for me!

Jen x