Feel so down....(Depressing)

[Rain or Shine]

Monday is my Mums Anniversary. She will have been gone 2 years and I am not dealing with it very well at all.

She was only 49 and had cancer under her arm. She died in alot of pain and I am still haunted by the screams and crying. I don't feel like it is getting any easier to cope with and I do not have anyone around me that I can talk to.

I was 3 months pregnant when she died and she never got to see her first grandchild.

I did have counciling after she died but then the babe was due so i had to stop and they wont let me go with her and i have no one to look after her in the day while i go so i am at a total lose.

Sorry to moan, just wanted to get it out!

[kindredspirits]

sending hugs. xx I can't imagine what you are going through -but how about finding a childminder who is happy to give you an hour or two during the day to go to counselling. (theres bound to be someone on here who is in your area and would be happy to help you out.) It sounds like you could really do with some professional support. Also I think they do berevement groups where you can meet with people who have been through or are going through the same thing - it will give you someone to talk to.

[Lincsminder]

Monday is my Mums Anniversary. She will have been gone 2 years and I am not dealing with it very well at all.

She was only 49 and had cancer under her arm. She died in alot of pain and I am still haunted by the screams and crying. I don't feel like it is getting any easier to cope with and I do not have anyone around me that I can talk to.

I was 3 months pregnant when she died and she never got to see her first grandchild.

I did have counciling after she died but then the babe was due so i had to stop and they wont let me go with her and i have no one to look after her in the day while i go so i am at a total lose.

Sorry to moan, just wanted to get it out!

Oh I'm sorry you are feeling like that, it must have been awful for you to see you mum in so much distress. I dpn't really know what to say that will help you at all but sometimes it helps just to write it all down and have other people listen which is exactly what all the lovley ladies on here will do.:group hug:

[Polly2]

So sorry to hear that. What a tragedy to lose your mum so young and in such a painful way.

I think you also sound a little lonely :( can you get out and make a few friends? Maybe take up a new hobby? Or get to some baby groups?

Failing that chat on here - there is always someone to listen
Lots of love xx

[sarah707]

I am so sorry you have lost your mum like that. Cancer is such a cruel disease.

I feel you need more counselling to help you get through this.

Do you have anyone from your local church who is trained as a listener? They are not there to be 'religious' just to sit and listen and let you talk. That might help you in the meantime.

Hugs xx

[Carol M]

I wish I could help you, you sound so sad:(
Talk to all of us, we support you. I agree that you may need some extra help to be able to cope and I would suggest a visit to your doctor for a chat as the first step.
:group hug:
Carol xx

[mama2three]

I echo what others have said , Im sure a minder in your area would help out with your little one.
It would be my mums birthday on monday , so not an easy day for me either , I was 8 months pg when she passed , so I can empathise with how you are feeling. I can only promise that time really does help...the raw pain becomes an ache and the memories of the last few months are replaced with memories from your childhood and happy times with your mum. Sending hugs and a little strength for the next few days x x

[wendywu]

On monday put aside half an hour just for you to remember and be close to your mum. Light a candle for her and talk to her if it helps.

Your mum would not want you to only think of the end, think about what you would want your own little one to remember if they were in your position.

Think about the love and laughter as well.

The fact that she never saw her grandchild is very sad. But the love and caring she instilled in you will in turn be passed onto her grandchild. This is the way a family legacy continues.

It will always be a very sad date for you, and to have a good cry is not only normal but a good way to let your emotions heal a little.

Come on here and rant all you want, because thats what friends are for. :thumbsup:

Big hugs xx

[sue m]

Hugs from me too. My Dad died on Boxing Day 2004. I was with him at the hospital, he was 83 so much older than your poor Mum. He had a lung disease and was fighting for breath for a long time. It was so upsetting to see him not being able to breathe and asking me to help him.

His great granddaughter my son's baby, was born a week before he died and he would have loved her so much but at least I did get to tell him she had been born. Life can be terribly cruel, Christmas and anniversaries are especially hard aren't they.

Take care x

[mamasheshe]

it'll be 16 years in January since my dad died why do these things always seem to happen around Christmas. as others have a chat with local cms

[SYLVIA]

Please don't say you're moaning! You have lost somebody very precious in your life. My dear mum passed away 11 years ago and I still have days when I find myself shedding a tear. You would find it helpful if you could have someone to talk to. Everyone on here will be here for you. Hugs to you

[LOOPYLISA]

Life can be so cruel x

I lost my nana on 29th oct this yr, my uncle died a year ago on the 19th :(

Thinking of you x

[Rain or Shine]

Thank you so much for the support, feels good given the lack of it I have at home.

This time of year is always gonna be hard, her anniversary is 20th, then Christmas, my birthday is 31st, her birthday is 1st Jan. All these important days at once and no time to get through them wthout another hitting me clear in the face.

I'll get through it (fingers crossed)

[TheBTeam]

I lost my most precious mother in law who was like my mum, known her for 28 years, two years ago, her anniversary was last thursday, and i lost my grandad just before i was pregnant with my son, he was desperate to see my children, and it hurts that it never happened.

I echo what the others have said about getting another childminder to cover you for a couple of hours, perhaps you could return the favour for them, you need people to talk to and get support not just to deal with the loss of your mum, but in general as well, it all helps.

My friends were my rock when they died and two years on they still know why i struggle and can help me focus and plod on.

And sometimes it is good to cry it out, feel angry and sorry for yourself, and then remember the good and funny times and let yourself laugh at those too.

[glitzygal]

SENDING HUGS,

it sounds very hard for you, every one deals differently, try find a another minder, or friend or neighbour to chat to, join the local minding group, hopefuly you can be friends with someone, you say your alone at home,
my dad died 5 years ago june, i find this time of year worse, he used to go to corner shop and buy a box of chocs, for us all (3 of us, all daughters)
he never wrapped them, but got them in a brown paper bag, and give them to us on christmas morning when we turned up,it was the first thing we opened, and a big joke we used to make about the lovely wrapping paper,lol so each year i miss that little gesture.


i also have my off days, i have to dd 18 an 15 so i try and get my off moments on my own, you have to, because you are building it all up.


ask on here if anyone near you, im sure someone would be.

hope you have a few better days soon, thinking of you xx:)

[ORKSIE]

i cant say i know what your going thru...i dont. But I do think you need more help...as has been said, try to get someone to have your LO and get some more councelling.
You can always come here for a chat....no probs, but i think you need professional help.

Huge hugs coming your way xxxxx

[Louise B]

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wish I was nearer and could help in some way. My dad died 3 years ago on Sunday, and I had my youngest daughter 11 months later, she's the only grandchild he didn't see. My mum died when I was 19 and didn't see any of her grandchildren, although my son lives with her and dad in heaven, so I know he's well looked after :)

Christmas does seem to highlight the loss because everyone around us seems to be happy and enjoying family times. It's also heartbreaking when they don't see our children, and know us as mums ourselves. My mum had only just seen me get to adulthood and get a job, learn to drive, etc, then she was gone.

Your mum was so young too, that's unfair, and makes it worse that you saw her suffering so badly. I'm sure someone nearby would help with childcare so you could get some counselling? Have you tried Cruse? http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Thinking of you, and all the others who have lost someone close and will be missing them as Christmas gets near. ((( ))) xxxxxx

[keeks]

I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief. I hope you feel the support from everyone here and that it can help you a little.

My mum passed away nearly 3 years ago, also cancer. I travelled to see her when she was really ill, and she had been waiting for me. The next day she fell into a coma and never woke up. I got the privelege to nurse her through her last week and I am very grateful for that. It still hurts to remember her illness, I don't think that will ever go away. I will always miss her, I still get moments when I think "oh, I'll phone mum and tell her about this later".

I thought the same as Polly, you sound a little lonely too. It sounds like you really could do with someone to talk to. Could you get a babysitter in so you could get some more councelling to work things through? At my nursery all the girls do babysitting in their free time. Or find some nice people at toddler groups, cm groups, perhaps support groups for people who have lost a family member or something similar?

Sending you big hugs and to remind you we are all here for you!

:group hug: :group hug: :group hug:

xxx

[wendywu]

[
QUOTE=Rain or Shine;832240]Thank you so much for the support, feels good given the lack of it I have at home.

This time of year is always gonna be hard, her anniversary is 20th, then Christmas, my birthday is 31st, her birthday is 1st Jan. All these important days at once and no time to get through them wthout another hitting me clear in the face.

I'll get through it (fingers crossed)[/QUOTE]

Jo your mum would have been roughly the same age as me. And as a mum with daughters as well, i know she would not want you to be so upset on so many dates at this time of year.

The 20th is the time to remember her with sadness in your heart.

But christmas is a family time and your mum will be looking down on you and your son or daughter and she will smile to herself at the lovely loving family that she has produced.

On your birthday she would have been proud of you and the young lady and mother that you have become. Like all mums she will think job well done :thumbsup:

On her birthday its your turn to say thank you, thank you mum for teaching me to be a great mum myself, to be able to love and give my child the childhood that you gave to me. Its because of you mum that i am the woman i am today.

Sending big hugs xx

[christine e]

My Dad died on 26 October 2008, it would have been his birthday a week later. I really hate this time of year as we go through all the dates, his death, funeral and birthday all in a week and then there is Christmas just around the corner too. It is a very difficult time and I feel sad that you feel you have nobody to talk to but as others have said we are hear and ready to listen,

Take care

Cx

[cabby]

i really feel for you and am sending you loads of love xxx

my dad died on the 5th september 1996, he was 48 and had cancer!!
the day he died was my cousins birthday (he was like a dad to her ),my daughters very first day of school, and 2 days before my sisters wedding ( she never went ahead with it )

10 days before my dad died, my nan died ( his mum )we had her funeral on the tuesday and he lost his fight on the thursday, i can honestly say that was the hardest time of my life and at the time i couldnt see how i would ever get through it........but somehow you do, it took me a very long time because i didnt talk to anyone about it, looking back now i really wish i had off done.

take care,xxx

[maryp0ppins]

:group hug:

[Tippy Toes]

I am so so sorry, not sure what I can say to ease your pain.

All i can say is your mum wouldnt want you hurting like this x x x

Take care of yourself, thinking of you x

[Rain or Shine]

[

Jo your mum would have been roughly the same age as me. And as a mum with daughters as well, i know she would not want you to be so upset on so many dates at this time of year.

The 20th is the time to remember her with sadness in your heart.

But christmas is a family time and your mum will be looking down on you and your son or daughter and she will smile to herself at the lovely loving family that she has produced.

On your birthday she would have been proud of you and the young lady and mother that you have become. Like all mums she will think job well done :thumbsup:

On her birthday its your turn to say thank you, thank you mum for teaching me to be a great mum myself, to be able to love and give my child the childhood that you gave to me. Its because of you mum that i am the woman i am today.

Sending big hugs xx[/QUOTE]

Well, this brought tears to my eyes. I guess its because its what I am craving.

I am so very greatful for all the heart warming things people are saying, even the ones that do brig tears.

I am lonely, my partner is workig all the hours god sends as i currently have no mindees, so he is never around and when he is here he is tired and grumpy. My dd is going through terrible 2's really badly and i am facing it on my own nearly 24/7 as she wont sleep anymore. I guess things seem worse because of the time of year.

[Trpta108]

Thank you so much for the support, feels good given the lack of it I have at home.

This time of year is always gonna be hard, her anniversary is 20th, then Christmas, my birthday is 31st, her birthday is 1st Jan. All these important days at once and no time to get through them wthout another hitting me clear in the face.

I'll get through it (fingers crossed)

Having tears reading this thread. I went through a very lonely time, feeling depressed and no one to talk to, it was horrible. One thing is going through a bad time, but if you have no support it can be really hard. Maybe ask at your local children center, if they have any suggestions, where to get support. Sending a big hug!

[mummyjo]

Sending you big hugs x

Special anniversaries are always the hardest. I lost my Dad 14 years ago and my Mum 4 years ago, only 8 weeks after my DD was born.

Time has healed a little. I miss them both terribly but I know that they wouldn't have wanted me to be upset. They always said that when the time came they wanted me to enjoy my life. Although this is easier said than done, I can now, mostly, look back and remember the happy memories.

Jo x

[Rain or Shine]

Sending you big hugs x

Special anniversaries are always the hardest. I lost my Dad 14 years ago and my Mum 4 years ago, only 8 weeks after my DD was born.

Time has healed a little. I miss them both terribly but I know that they wouldn't have wanted me to be upset. They always said that when the time came they wanted me to enjoy my life. Although this is easier said than done, I can now, mostly, look back and remember the happy memories.

Jo x

I really wanna be that strong but it seems so far away. i had thought i was on te mend but this month and infact the end of Nov have just sent me back by miles.

I know my mum would hate to see me like this but i don't have her here for support and she was always the one i went to. I didn't get to see much of her in the December that she died as i had cronic morning sickness. I was sick everyday at least 7 times and couldn't hold a thing down so i couldn't go anywhere. All smells made me sick. I did go as much as i could when i was up to it but still missed out on seeing her loads and on the really bad days we sometimes got sent home cause she was in so much pain. Then as she realised she was going to die soon, she began to regress and became really childlike, she held my hand, hold me to listen to her and asked me to leave. Just can't shake any of it!

[kindredspirits]

Jo - can I ask what you believe happens after death? Do you see your mum happy and healthy in heaven, or moving on to another life? Do you think of her watching over you - smiling at your lovely children even though you don't know she can see them?
I have some wonderful books about angels that you are likely to be able to find in your local library - sometimes connecting to a belief can help people to deal with their loss.
My son has told me so much about his grandad who even I was not lucky enough to have met, let alone him, that i know he is either psychic or he is in touch with his grandad.

[Rain or Shine]

Jo - can I ask what you believe happens after death? Do you see your mum happy and healthy in heaven, or moving on to another life? Do you think of her watching over you - smiling at your lovely children even though you don't know she can see them?
I have some wonderful books about angels that you are likely to be able to find in your local library - sometimes connecting to a belief can help people to deal with their loss.
My son has told me so much about his grandad who even I was not lucky enough to have met, let alone him, that i know he is either psychic or he is in touch with his grandad.

If i'm totally honest i hope that she is watching over me, however i don't have any sort of belief.

[Tups]

My mum died on Xmas eve, following year my dad died Xmas day, and my tups, my very special cat died about the 20 DEC, Then I lost two baby's one new years day the other Xmas day, I lost the Baby's along time ago, but you never forget, You sound like me nobody to talk too, If you lived near me I would Happily have your little one, so you have time for yourself, I no its not easy, and sometimes time doesn't heal, hope you will get help for yourself, sending a big hug to you ,