View Full Version : Is it cheating or not?????
sarahlorraine73
13-11-2010, 06:46 PM
Need advice, just discovered fiance has been texting and recieving pictures from a woman on one of those sites that charge :angry: . Ok so not happy about this but then I go on to a face like social network group and they are now friends on there and sending messages, publicly showing the world that he thinks she's gorgeous and so sexy.
Obviously a huge arguments errupted! His defence, its not cheating just harmless flirting, not like I'm leave you for her!!
Thanks for that I'm sure:angry: :angry: :angry:
Anyway rant over. Would just like your opinions, cheating or not? Have I blown it all out of porportion????
i had this out with my bf,
he thinks talking dirty is ok and not cheating "its just talk"
i think it's WRONG WRONG WRONG :angry:
breezy
13-11-2010, 06:55 PM
It may not be cheating, but its not right and not something I'd put up with, how would he feel if you did it? Would he think you were cheating if you sent pictures of yourself or messages to a bloke? ****** MEN:angry: :angry:
Bear23
13-11-2010, 06:58 PM
Sorry but its not right and in my eyes it is cheating, You just simply don't tell anyone else there sexy publicly
welshcake
13-11-2010, 07:00 PM
i am now a single mum of 3 after the same with my kid's dad...
what they fail to understand is how it can be very hurtfull and when you have slight cracks in a relationship something like that makes the cracks even worse.
Poor you :group hug:
And its not ok tell him. :angry:
Rain or Shine
13-11-2010, 07:00 PM
WHAT IS IT WITH MEN!
I have been through the same thing and my fella acted like he didn't know what he had done wrong. I think they dump on purpose. We are still together but i don't trust him. i caught him a 2nd time doing this and he in fact started to ask her to meet him. I was mortified but am still with him, don't think i'll ever trust him again but we have a daughter and have got a joint rental property, also he reckons its all ok now but i don't know.
I hope you sort it out mate, thinking of you cause i know how pants it is! xxxxx
WibbleWobble
13-11-2010, 07:09 PM
just shown this thread to my hubby to get blokes perspective.
and his perspective is
Its not on! Not on at all....he should be ashamed!
End of
mandy xxxxxxx
The Juggler
13-11-2010, 07:10 PM
no, no, no:panic: :panic: it's one thing sharing with each other every now and again who you might think is sexy or pointing out people to each other but doing it separately is cheating in my book. dh would have his bags packed if I found out he was doing this.
sarahlorraine73
13-11-2010, 07:28 PM
Thanks guys. Deep down I know that it is wrong and I dont accept it, thought I better just check I wasn't being a prude, not that that matters, not happy with the situation. I keep getting the sorry I'll never do it again but at the moment I am to damned upset, hurt and angry. Actually making me feel sick. Not looking good!! Just got to figure out what to do, we rent a large property together, large = large rent that I couldn't afford on my own and I work from here, I also have 3 children, two of which are autistic so change aint good.
WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
Thanks again guys. Didnt want to discuss it with friends as it would soon become the local gossip:blush:
FussyElmo
13-11-2010, 07:28 PM
no, no, no:panic: :panic: it's one thing sharing with each other every now and again who you might think is sexy or pointing out people to each other but doing it separately is cheating in my book. dh would have his bags packed if I found out he was doing this.
I think like that too :thumbsup:
Rain or Shine
13-11-2010, 07:40 PM
I do feel for you......Only you can know how you feel and it still doesn't make it easy to make a decision. I will say that after a year me and my partner have never got the trust back again. A relationship without trust is uncomfortable, full of arguments and a struggle for children. I know how it has affected my daughter and her half brother.
Get it off ya chest mate and do not let him find it as acceptable as i think me staying with my partner made him think that i was a push over and then could do it again.
Gook Luck and hugs :group hug:
Tinks
13-11-2010, 07:43 PM
Yes it is a form of cheating in my eyes and extremely hurtful, though no doubt he can't see that, as in his eyes...he genuinely thinks he has done nothing wrong. You need to decide what is best for you and your family before doing anything.
You also need to figure out if you can live with it and the fact that you may never trust him again. I had something similar years ago where my husband (then boyfriend) admitted to fancying a mutual friend. I was devasted as we had been together almost two yrs at that point. I kicked him out but took him back. We are now married with children and I love him dearly. They only problem is that I still don't trust him 100% and am guilty of checking him mobile and facebook occasionally.
You need to do what you feel is best for you! Don't tell your friends as they will try to sway your decision and it is your life that will be affected, not theirs.
My heart really goes out to you. Good luck hun
Bushpig
13-11-2010, 07:52 PM
Need advice, just discovered fiance has been texting and recieving pictures from a woman on one of those sites that charge :angry: . Ok so not happy about this but then I go on to a face like social network group and they are now friends on there and sending messages, publicly showing the world that he thinks she's gorgeous and so f***in sexy.
Obviously a huge arguments errupted! His defence, its not cheating just harmless flirting, not like I'm leave you for her!!
Thanks for that I'm sure:angry: :angry: :angry:
Anyway rant over. Would just like your opinions, cheating or not? Have I blown it all out of porportion????
Cheating starts with your thoughts and then progresses. I think this is cheating... and for everyone to see too, how immature and selfish and thoughtless - what would his reaction be if you did this with a man??? :( I would be mortified if my husband did this. :( I hope you manage to sort this out.
LOOPYLISA
13-11-2010, 07:56 PM
Cheating starts with your thoughts and then progresses. I think this is cheating... and for everyone to see too, how immature and selfish and thoughtless - what would his reaction be if you did this with a man??? :( I would be mortified if my husband did this. :( I hope you manage to sort this out.
:thumbsup:
Gizmo
13-11-2010, 08:26 PM
Yes I think it is if my dh did that he wouldnt be here :eek:
jane5
13-11-2010, 10:10 PM
I don't think it is cheating BUT It is the top of a very slippery slope and It's very disrespectful.
Personally I would not end the relationship because of this but If it happened again I would.
Only you know if your relationship is in trouble and if this is why he did it and if you feel that you want to save things, then this is your chance to work things out.
Good luck hun x
I also have personal experience of this - I found flirty txts to my oh work colleague on his phone one of which said that he was going to get her drunk and take her back to her room.....I was astounded and instantly felt sick. We have had it out and now he is more open though he insists it was all talk and banter and that she would have just laughed at the text! I however, did not find it funny :angry:
If he is sharing intimate chat with her then it is inappropriate - that is what you are there for. It is one thing to look at porn but if he is interacting with someone then in my book it is cheating.... Just work out some ground rules and turn the tables and ask how he would feel. :censored:
Blaze
14-11-2010, 12:47 PM
If it helps there was a big research piece done on this about a year ago - the results were something like 90% of men didn't view it as cheating on their partner (though 70% OF THOSE 90% said it was not ok for their partner to do it):rolleyes: ...However around the same percentage (90%) of women did view it as cheating...seeems like it is a men from mars, women from venus thing for the most part - sending hugs x
caz3007
14-11-2010, 01:50 PM
I caught my fiance out when I was 7 months pregnant. He had been attempting to chat to women and also had posted a profile on a dating website 'looking for fun'. I was gobsmacked, but actually was very calm about it and he said that really got to him the most, the fact I didnt rant and rave, but was too calm.
We talked long about it and he realised all he had to lose and he kept away from the internet for a very long time. He admitted he was wrong and that he didnt know really why he had been so stupid. He is now back online, but I trust him now, cos he knows that 8 years on, I would walk (done it before and would do it again) and I am not vulnerable and pregnant now.
Trouble
14-11-2010, 02:56 PM
The thought is there so :angry: no its not right:panic:
:censored: men :angry: :angry: :angry:
sarahlorraine73
15-11-2010, 12:42 PM
It gets better and better. Been on his laptop this morning whilst he is at work, There is pages and pages of her, all Videos. Surely looking at porn is one thing but this is like an obsession. He says its just the same as him having pictures of cheryl cole on there, nothing is gonna come of it! However would Cheryl Cole respond to his friend request on Face***k and then send him messages asking how he was etc. Do get the sickening feeling that had I not come across this then it would definately grow into something else!
Seriously doubting our wedding plans now, great, humililation for me all round. Can hear the gossips now:(
Mookins
15-11-2010, 12:53 PM
It gets better and better. Been on his laptop this morning whilst he is at work, There is pages and pages of her, all Videos. Surely looking at porn is one thing but this is like an obsession. He says its just the same as him having pictures of cheryl cole on there, nothing is gonna come of it! However would Cheryl Cole respond to his friend request on Face***k and then send him messages asking how he was etc. Do get the sickening feeling that had I not come across this then it would definately grow into something else!
Seriously doubting our wedding plans now, great, humililation for me all round. Can hear the gossips now:(
bless your heart:(
you are having a rough time with it all hun, time to get things into perspective, one things for sure he has issues and you dont need this. If he should be saying anyones sexy and gorgeous he should be saying it about you...its hard to say what you should do cos at the end of the day its your life your family but one things for sure you DEFINATLY deserve better as do your kids
i hope you make the right recision hun, one thats right for you and kiddies cos he clearly has other things on his mind
i also have to add hun that you should always trust your instincts...its what they are there for
xxxxxxx
Dare4Distance
15-11-2010, 01:34 PM
It's not cheating but it's right on the edge.
I'd not be worried that it's going to go anywhere though, even if she's "friends" with him on Facebook and replying to him. She will just be encouraging him and keeping him interested so he spends more money on the website or whatever. That's what they do.
Andrea08
15-11-2010, 01:35 PM
oh hun sending (((huggz))) but its a no no from me how would he like it if you and another man was txt..fb each other and he called you sexy and you shared pictures???
tell him to put the shoe on the other foot and how would he feel if it was you sharing pictures and stuff...
you are surpose to be his world esp as your gettin married your one and only etc..
he shouldnt need anyother woman to make him feel good about himself
sorry babe hope you sort this out x xxxxx
BlondeMoment
15-11-2010, 01:49 PM
Cheating starts with your thoughts and then progresses. I think this is cheating... and for everyone to see too, how immature and selfish and thoughtless - what would his reaction be if you did this with a man??? :( I would be mortified if my husband did this. :( I hope you manage to sort this out.
I couldn't agree more! This is definately crossing the line!
wendywu
15-11-2010, 02:04 PM
I think i would be livid. But he would have to choose between the computer site and me, as simple as that.
He cannot have both.
But i would not end the relationship over this but lay down new rules. :mad:
caz3007
15-11-2010, 02:25 PM
I think i would be livid. But he would have to choose between the computer site and me, as simple as that.
He cannot have both.
But i would not end the relationship over this but lay down new rules. :mad:
Thats what I did Wendy and it worked for us. But then person who is doing the 'looking' needs to want to make things better
jelly15
15-11-2010, 02:58 PM
If my husband was doing this I would regard it as cheating :angry:
Joannechildmind
16-11-2010, 08:21 AM
I would have serious discussions over this, Cheryl Cole is a TV/ pop star and is out of reach for all men, Yet this women obviously isnt. I would tell him if he wants to act this way then its over if he wants to make it work he has to delete EVERYTHING including face*ook i have seen far too many relationships ruined by this site and its the reason why i wont be invovled in it.