i'm so mad....

[mr man]

beware this is probably long one, but need the biggest rant i hope i will ever do.

NOT SO DH did nothing for my 30th, he never forgot, he just said got no money. although he has it when he watns something. :angry:
Bless my two children they wrapped up things from their rooms, and made me a card. They are the best, they stuck a candle in a miniroll. :) but i do know DH was not involved with their plans, and just left the day a normal day.

I got upset at one point with the realisation that he generally didn't bother at all. With this he went to the shop got me a card at 4pm and wrote ' sorry for being a t.....' ( nice note in a card)

Anyway I still well up ( with anger) now thinking about how horrible it was, but now its his turn for the celebrations. He will be 37 on monday and I serioulsy don't want to do anything so he knows how it feels, but i cant. thats just not me.
However our friend came this morning with a gift for him, ( this guy is a family friend of both of us, and he also forgot mine this year cause DH didnt tell him). Problem is I found myself seething that, how come he gets to enjoy his birthday and get gifts yet its ok for him to pretend my didnt happen. He has said many times he feels guilty and horrible, but forgive me for sounding like a super xx but i want him to feel wose. arrghh:angry:

i'm posting this to try and get a reality check ?
am i out of order?
or shall I make his birthday not much?

[Carol M]

ooops, DH out of order here!
revenge.....forget his!
hugs
Carol xx

[caz3007]

No you are not out of order, he is. Its not wrong to want your special day recognised, but I have been married twice and both hubbies have never been very good about birthdays, where as I have always tried to make theirs nice

[The Juggler]

oh hon, how horrible of him. Doesn't cost much to cook a special meal and get a bottle of wine now does it.

You know, call up your friends book yourself a night out or a spa day next weekend = tell him he's babysitting.

THEN do BOG ALL for his birthday and see how he likes it:angry:

[Twinkles]

One year when we had no money ( nothing much changes :rolleyes: ) Dh gave the house a spring clean while I took the kids to the park and then cooked a nice meal in the evening.

So , no you don't have to spend money to make someone feel special and appreciated.

I would not only 'forget' his I'd go out and buy myself a pressie ON HIS BIRTHDAY even if it's only a nice bubble bath.

[gigglinggoblin]

Mine did this last year, not due to money problems, he was just being a grumpy ***. I havent forgiven him and couldnt bring myself to do much on his birthday. I did get him a present but made the kids give it to him so I am not quite superbitch and he has no excuse next year but I couldnt bring myself to make a fuss of him or go out. I half wish I hadnt bought the present as I am still upset but how long will it drag out if he does the same because of that? If he ignores my birthday next year he will get nothing then but I will be emailing him before the time to remind him.

[gigglinggoblin]

You should deffo buy yourself a present.

[mr man]

thank you everyone. was beginning to think i was loosing the plot.
I definalty agree to the husband doing all the cleaning while out at the park, that would have been great.
I got some money off my parents as you do - and silly here went and got the weekly shopping with it, becasue the cupboards where bare. I'm not doing that again, they'll go mad if they knew.

Do feel like i'm going to have a bad wkend - his birthday has always seems to overshadow mine. His seems to have started this morning and probably wont end till late monday night.
If I loose it completely I will plead insanity.

[gigglinggoblin]

Go out and leave him to celebrate with the kids if it gets too much

[mama2three]

The more fuss you make of his birthday the more dreadful and guilty he will feel. You will still be angry but will be able to relish just how small youre making him feel. Be smug - and expect major pampering next year ( and an extra lovely xmas pressie!)

[mr man]

that was my plan (re: last message) but i'm caving in and cant seem to even comtemplate joining in the fun for his birthday. i'm sounding like a little girl now, but his mum been on phone wanting to know what to get him, i said " dunno up to you" - i cant seem to get into the spirit of it. i want to to make him relish in his own guilt but my god its horrible either way.

[Pipsqueak]

that was my plan (re: last message) but i'm caving in and cant seem to even comtemplate joining in the fun for his birthday. i'm sounding like a little girl now, but his mum been on phone wanting to know what to get him, i said " dunno up to you" - i cant seem to get into the spirit of it. i want to to make him relish in his own guilt but my god its horrible either way.

My first reaction was to say go the WHOLE hog and got OTT for his birthday - really ram it home that this is how we celebrate someone specials' birthday.

But, given what you are saying, you are obviously very hurt and upset and I don't blame you one little bit. I think you need to show your other half this thread perhaps or tell/write it down to explain that this is how you feel - his lack of forethought - he is supposed to love you and cherish you, the lack of effort on his part - as already said its the little things that can really matter - it doesn't take money, - sadly in relationships we can become complacent. Tell him that you feel overshadowed as well.

Tell him that you cannot be bothered to celebrate HIS special day - not out of revenge but because its made you feel so demoralised and hurt. Tell him he has got to WAKE UP quickly.

[carolyn01]

No don't make a fuss of him or buy him much because if you do he won't even realise what he did wrong on your birthday! Treat him how he treated you and he may even learn a lesson! :panic:

[babs]

id get all dolled up, cook him a lovely dinner pour him a glass of wine say happy birthday then say oh thanks for forgetting mine then tip the lot over him make sure ive booked a night out with friends then leave him covered in dinner,gravy and wine go out and enjoy myself...


oo i sound a right cow its pmt week srry...:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

i can be a ***** if you cross me

[LOOPYLISA]

How very dare he!

Yeh forget his and go out for the evening ! X

[mr man]

oh babs that is just great, you made me laugh. :D i love it. :laughing:

Pipsqueak - i feel your words and its eaxclty how i feel so thanks you all so much for your kind words and great advice, i will be taking on pipspeaks, and i'm confident this will make me feel better. i'm crap when it comes to saying it, esp in the heat of the moment, so i will indeed show or at least read this out.

thank you all a million times for your advice warm feeling, you have all definalty taken me from the sadness I felt earlier in the night. :)

[the happy house]

Aw hun.
I know how horrid it is.
For my 29th my partner got me an ironing board cover, my 30th he invited his mother (she took the direct route from hell) to stay. My 30th was the day my partner became my ex.

Ignore his birthday. Go out on that day and have fun. Treat yourself with money stolen from his wallet, and smile smile smile!

[Pipsqueak]

oh babs that is just great, you made me laugh. :D i love it. :laughing:

Pipsqueak - i feel your words and its eaxclty how i feel so thanks you all so much for your kind words and great advice, i will be taking on pipspeaks, and i'm confident this will make me feel better. i'm crap when it comes to saying it, esp in the heat of the moment, so i will indeed show or at least read this out.

thank you all a million times for your advice warm feeling, you have all definalty taken me from the sadness I felt earlier in the night. :)


thats not to say the inner witch may not emerge at some point!!!! dropping his toothbrush down the loo when you are cleaning one day might occur.......:littleangel: :littleangel: just till you calm down enough to organise your thoughts so you can speak rationally to him and explain just how unappreciated you feel.


we can always lift someones spirits on here - its cuz we is nuts!!!!

[Bushpig]

It's the small things that count... like Nikki says... helping with a chore you usually do, give you a back rub. One year when funds were very low I made him some personal vouchers that he could redeem :blush: ;) ... like a back rub, making him a cake etc.

So... he has NO excuse. Plus a 30th is a big birthday in my books.

So... for his bday... (and this is unlike meas I am usually a forgiving person... but can feel your pain and totally understand where you are coming from)... it's good that it's a work day so most of the day you won't have him around anyway, so it's just the morning and eve you have to get through. In the am I am sure your kids will do something for him, and leave it at that. Get him nothing, not even a cuppa tea. And try and arrange to go out with your girlfriends Monday night.

If he dares say anything about how you haven't acknowledged his birthday... just use the 'well, you never acknowledged mine, so i gathered you only want us to celebrate the kids birthdays from now' ... :littleangel: . .. 'because surely he wouldn't expect you to make a fuss of his and not yours... '.

Aren't I a witch? lol. Seriously though, he is a chop.

[Ripeberry]

Hope you've managed to treat yourself even if he didn't :mad:
There are quite a few men out there like that, want a fuss made of them but don't think of others, even those closest to them.

A mum at our school is almost resigned to it as her husband NEVER gives her anything for birthdays or even Xmas but will go the whole hog for everyone else :angry:

We've all told her that on HER special day she should just go out for the day with some friends and just not expect hubby to do anything...cos he never does.

They are quite well off, so money is not the excuse, it's just plain meaness :(

[Tinglesnark]

My first reaction was to say go the WHOLE hog and got OTT for his birthday - really ram it home that this is how we celebrate someone specials' birthday.

But, given what you are saying, you are obviously very hurt and upset and I don't blame you one little bit. I think you need to show your other half this thread perhaps or tell/write it down to explain that this is how you feel - his lack of forethought - he is supposed to love you and cherish you, the lack of effort on his part - as already said its the little things that can really matter - it doesn't take money, - sadly in relationships we can become complacent. Tell him that you feel overshadowed as well.

Tell him that you cannot be bothered to celebrate HIS special day - not out of revenge but because its made you feel so demoralised and hurt. Tell him he has got to WAKE UP quickly.

totally agree with pip :thumbsup: i recently had a bump woth my dp and i wrote a looong thread to some close friends on another forum and the c&p's it and emailed it to him. he was shocked at how i REALLY felt and things have really changed around here! There are still some issues that we have but communication is key! its the hardest thing to do when you want to resent them but you will feel better for talking it through
x

oh and go and get a manicure and pedicure!! itll make you feel sooo much better! :thumbsup:

[IndigoMoon]

Are you prepared for your relationship to go down the pan?

If the answer is yes then go ahead and forget his birthday. Believe me it won't make you feel any better though, revenge has a very sour taste after the initial buzz and next year he will have the excuse that you did nothing for him. He will tell his mother and his mates and they'll all think you are a moo and are throwing your dummy out of the pram because that's the way it works sadly. :(

My ex is/was very much like your partner. It was always him him him, never me and rarely the kids. Me missing his birthday, even though he would never have bothered with mine, would have caused so much trouble and I wouldn't have felt any better. He would have made sure of that... I'm betting that yours would too.

I think what I'm saying in a rather long winded way is don't sink down to his level, you're better than that. Just make sure you tell him exactly what you'd like on your birthday next year (at the time) and if he fails you again then you'll have reason to kick off! :littleangel:

[gegele]

GUILT is your best allied not revenge! LOL

i would cook a nice meal with the kids, a home made cake with kids, a home made card, a little simple present.a token for a free massage. then i'll give him a nice massage.

he'll mention it's a great present
and then you mention "that's all it would have took to make me an happy woman on MY birthday!!!!"

kiss goodnight!

guilt will come floading in. you probably have a chat, always more constructive in bed...;)

then you need to have a nice .....cuddle to make everything feel better!!!!



in relationship it always need 1 to be the bigger one to make things work.

AND XMAS is close, that's when that guilt should be used appropriately, light reminder of the lack of any attention for your birthday may bring a more generous, thoughtful santa!!!;)

[welshcake]

I have been there and i know u prob think its the right thing to do but tbh i wouldnt lower yrself to his level.

I have done in the past and it just makes things worse however when i did celebrate his birthday like you are meant to i did say

"i hope you have had a lovely day, my birthday was horrible because of the lack of effort and i wouldnt wish the same for anyone, not even you."

he will feell far worse then x

[gigglinggoblin]

mine never feels guilty. unless I am actually shouting at him he thinks everything is fine and I have forgotten.

[Andrea08]

Go out and leave him to celebrate with the kids if it gets too much

yes hun make planns to go out and that way you will have your friends to cheer you up and 4get him just rem not to take it out on the kids so a trip to McD for them and a few hrs at the pictures or the pub for you..

men ....ha

[mr man]

thanksagain all, well i read the posts out, and he w as quite shocked, and managed to get my feelings across which really helped so so much.thank you all again.

as mentions by 'welshcake' and 'gegele' ' indigomoon'
i definaly am not prepared for it all to go down the pan, and feared that it would flare up into so much more than it was, walking back from church this morning I realsied i should be forgiving and also the thought of him feeling like i did is not nice. so we will be making a cake and kids ahve done their usuall cards. ive managed to get a 3 for 2 offer in sainsburys one for him one ME and one for xmas present (so ive made a start on xmas too) oh plus a tshirt in sale with 25% off too. bonus. im liking the vouches idea :blush: i know he will love that one.