My first "To Do" with a parent :(

[rachel1]

It happened this morning and i just cannot stop thinking about it.
I look after her son 2 days a week (afternoons only) and she asked for a chat this morning, i didnt expect what she was about to say...
She said she has concerns that her son doesnt go out enough? Bearing in mind i only look after him for 2 afternoons a week i looked through his diary and noticed we had been somewhere at least once a week (every other day he is here) am i wrong or is this not enough? We have been everywhere from farms to play centres from museums to swimming - just in the past 8 weeks! Its really upset me as i love my job and think i do it pretty well.
When we do stay in i always arrange fun and interesting activities to do etc.

Just wanted a bit or reassurance i am doing my job propley and not going out everyday isnt an issue? When i mean out i mean a trip, we always have outdoor play weather in the garden, on the field or at the park. Speaking of the park she also said she thinks he will get bored of going to the park (as i do go there quite often) but what 18 month old child gets bored of the park???

Im thinking of having another word with her when she picks him up as its really getting to me (to the point of tears when i told my other half).

Sorry for babbling on just a little worried
X

[Twinkles]

First take a deep breath........

It sounds to me like you have a mum on your hands who feels guilty for leaving her child. She will therefore pick holes in anything she can.

You are doing more than enough. What on earth does she expect for two afternoons a week ?

I would go through the diary with her tonight and point out all the things you do with him.
point out you have to provide a balance and whilst you make sure he gets plenty of fresh air, being indoors doing craft, jigsaw puzzles ,role play or actually 'just' playing are all valuable learning experiences for her son.

[Tinglesnark]

so did she say what she wanted you to do with mindee then? :rolleyes: personally i think that one day out out of 2 is perfectly acceptable. you said that you arrange activities on the days that you do not go out and make sure that you get mindee outside on both afternoons so really i think she is just trying to assert herself - women like her make me SIGH!
try to reamin calm and positive, you know that you are doing your best - can you show mum what kind of things you do when your indoors? Has she seen mindees learning journal, observations and photos of him taking part in activities?

if your doing all that and you can show her evidence then apart from giving her your blood, i dont quite know what you can do?!?

good luck with this one!

:thumbsup:

[wendywu]

If child was in a nursery he would not be going out every day.

During term time i only go out in the mornings anyway so he would not do very well with me.

I suggest that mum takes him out in the mornings before she drops him to you :D

[rachel1]

Thanks for your replies, made me feel a little better already :)
Shes a little odd to be honest, always complaining about something.
At the time i was that taken aback that i made excuses up and actually thought maybe i dont go out enough (before i looked through his diary), she was shown his learning journey last week and she didnt seem particularly happy with somethings on there (mainly because her son wasnt in his age stage for certain things - the more i talk about her the more nuts she sounds!).
Think i defo need 2 have a chat with her because it really is getting to me, iv never had any negative comments from parents before. Im 8 weeks pregnant also and finding holding my emotions back difficult haha, hope i dont burst into tears when i have a chat tonight.
Do you think if i just calmly asked her what else she wants me to do would be ok? We sort of left things this morning with no solution to anything...
X
Thanks again
X

[maryp0ppins]

wow she is expecting quite a lot from you it seems.
I certainly don't go on a awful lot of trips as i don't have enough room in my car...
I normally just stay local, which is to the PARK, local fields, swimming pool & we live 15 min walk to a local nature reserve park...but have managed that just once this summer holiday.

I don't think you need to be going different place's all the time & at 18 months old I'd of though a park would be great, whether he goes with mum or not....maybe I'm wrong :eek:

You seem like you go out enough to me. What does she expect for just 2 afternoons a week.....:mad:

[singingcactus]

From a slightly different point of view, as a parent I would be worried if my childminder was taking my son out more frequently than one of the two afternoons she/he had him. Any more often than that and how would the childminder be able to get to know and understand my son, how would my son be able to get to know the childminder and the other kids?
The child would become overwhelmed and unhappy if no time was spent in calm, and routine situations. How would my child learn the house rules and be able to follow them when he was in the house if he was mostly out?
It is necessary and important for the child to have time in your home with you and the other kids in order for him to settle well and grow attached to you all, and to remain securely attached to you all.

[Tinglesnark]

From a slightly different point of view, as a parent I would be worried if my childminder was taking my son out more frequently than one of the two afternoons she/he had him. Any more often than that and how would the childminder be able to get to know and understand my son, how would my son be able to get to know the childminder and the other kids?
The child would become overwhelmed and unhappy if no time was spent in calm, and routine situations. How would my child learn the house rules and be able to follow them when he was in the house if he was mostly out?
It is necessary and important for the child to have time in your home with you and the other kids in order for him to settle well and grow attached to you all, and to remain securely attached to you all.

:thumbsup:

now there is an answer that no-one can dispute!
hadnt even thought of that but it is bob on!
x

just a thought - do you think this mum might not want her lo to form a bond and is maybe trying to make sure that he is in a neutral environment as much as poss? just an idea because my last parent was very much like this and in the end she admitted she was terribly jealous of the connection that her lo had formed with me...

silly woman....

x

[Daftbat]

Some people are unbelievable!

Take this week for example - has it actually been sunny and dry ANYWHERE in the UK????

I don't know about anyone else but i can;'t afford to keep going to indoor play centres and museums and other such places every day. Often playcentres are only for younger children and this makes it hard in the holidays with the older children anyway. We provide home based activities too - as home based carers - why can't they understand????

From the sound of it you are doing a great job and giving the child lots of stimulation and plenty of trips out so don't worry.

[singingcactus]

Some people are unbelievable!

Take this week for example - has it actually been sunny and dry ANYWHERE in the UK????


:clapping: :clapping: Here!!! hehe, since the weather people said 'today will be the last day of Summer!' Our bad weather has gone away and it has been glorious sunshine everyday lol.

[TheBTeam]

If child was in a nursery he would not be going out every day.

During term time i only go out in the mornings anyway so he would not do very well with me.

I suggest that mum takes him out in the mornings before she drops him to you :D

I could of written this, and i have just finished with a little girl that i cared for, for just two afternoons a week and we never went out unless it was school holidays, except for the school run. I cared for her for 4 years.

[sandy64]

providing lo is getting fresh air could be garden you dont have to go any where. its good to go further to mix and groups and explore environment but you really dont have to so unless it was in your welcome pack contract she really shouldnt be saying that to you i think youve done tons and she should be lucky a lot of us have struggled to open back door this hol with all the heavy rain, try not to think to much of it ask her why she said it and what she is expecting?:)

[sarah707]

I rarely go out in the afternoon as that's when little ones sleep.

So if the child came to me she would get lots of adult attention, space to play her own games, time for stories and music and other fun stuff...

But outings only in holidays. :D

[charlie potato]

is the parent just picking because he isn't reaching the stages for his age? xx

[Alibali]

Afternoons are for relaxing in the house! My youngest ones sleep after lunch, then it's quite 'bonding' time for the older ones, baking, crafts, jigsaws etc. No way would I be out 2 afternoons a week.

[CHUNKY MONKEY]

If child was in a nursery he would not be going out every day.

During term time i only go out in the mornings anyway so he would not do very well with me.

I suggest that mum takes him out in the mornings before she drops him to you :D

Children in nurseries do go out daily!! Sorry wanted to clear that up first as I had worked in nurseries for 12 years. You are doing more than enough and an 18 month old would not be bored of the park. keep doing a good job :thumbsup:

[funfunfun]

i only go to toddler group once a week !!!!!!!

Maybe a cm's house for an hour thats it

only have mindee 2 full days and 1 half day anyway .............we do play outside in the garden lots though :)

[SYLVIA]

I have a LO one afteroon a week and he doesn't get to go out much. Sometimes go to soft play because he has a pass, but still not very often. Parents just happy that he is having fun with other children

[Chimps Childminding]

Children in nurseries do go out daily!! Sorry wanted to clear that up first as I had worked in nurseries for 12 years. You are doing more than enough and an 18 month old would not be bored of the park. keep doing a good job :thumbsup:

I think she meant TRIPS out, not just outside :rolleyes: ??? I know that our local nursery only goes "out" once or twice a term! I would think you are doing more than enough, and as some one else said mum could always take the lo out in the mornings before they came to you if she was that bothered!!!!

[jo f]

Do u think this parent may just be masking her own guilt at not doing this that and the other?

[mwheeler]

Do u think this parent may just be masking her own guilt at not doing this that and the other?

I was reading the thread and about to reply when i saw this by Jo and i think it's spot on and the reason why this parent had 'words' with you, If you have the child two days a week and one of those days you take him out then whats the problem? Taking them to the park is one of the best things to do, there's always different sights and like you said what 18 month old gets bored.

I wouldn't worry about this parent, if she continues to have the doubts then id advise to seek childcare elsewhere as your doing more than enough.

[CHUNKY MONKEY]

I think she meant TRIPS out, not just outside :rolleyes: ??? I know that our local nursery only goes "out" once or twice a term! I would think you are doing more than enough, and as some one else said mum could always take the lo out in the mornings before they came to you if she was that bothered!!!!


It didn't state outings/trips just just said out that is why I posted what I did, not that I need to justify myself!!!!

[Blaze]

It didn't state outings/trips just just said out that is why I posted what I did, not that I need to justify myself!!!!


The OP was taking about outings/trips rather than just outside which is what Wendywu was replying to....you don't need to justify yourself - but once you've been around the forum longer & have gotten to know the members that have been around awhile- you'll understand why CAROLYN posted- nothing meant by it at all-just clarification as it were-sorry v. jetlagged & not sure I'm making sense!:rolleyes: :)

[sharronej]

I also think Jo F is spot on, I once had a parent who specified no television or play station games at all for her 7 yr and only wanted him to play educational toys (dropped off at 8 and picked up at 6pm) yet it was clear from listening to him and from calling round to the house that he was constantly on the ps2 and the tv was usually blaring away :)

There was also a point made about financing these trips - if you felt that you wanted to take the LO out more often (and I certainly don't think that you need too) then I would be telling Mum that she will have to fund the entrance fees etc.

I hope you have a good conversation last night, those hormones are horrid :thumbsup: Congratulations!