am i over reacting?

[Hebs]

on monday Mark is going on a residentail trip with the school (back on friday)

Mark has alot of issues one of them being seperation anxiety, so i asked if he could be in the same bedroom as his best friend, (not bothered about the groups for the daytime activities just the bedroom) and i was told it wasn't a problem,

well............. yesterday the class was told that all the info had been faxed over and mark asked his teacher again if him and his friend were in the same bedroom to be told NO

i went into school this morning and confronted the headmaster who told me, "well it's only for sleep so it wont matter, no big deal"!!!
well if it's no big deal why wont they let them be together?? :huh:

mark is now in bits, is refusing to go and i'm so :censored: :censored: which is such a shame as he had really been looking forward to going :( and would boost his confidence so much,

i then spoke to marks teacher who basically said the same thing :angry:

i really lost it, told them that mark IS going, and if i find out that they havent been in the same bedroom i'm contacting ofsted, cos this school goes against everything i say, everything i do, and never put the needs of my kids first

for example..... marks occupational theripst says he should not be sat at the back of the class, near a window or with other children who will distract him........... guess where he sits! and i'm sick of moaning about it (they have done this for almost 4 years now!!!!)

melissa was assulted in the playground (this was 2 years ago while she was still in the school) and the headmaster DEFENDED this mother, even when i involved the police as she had bruising off this mother :eek: melissa no longer felt safe in the school as she knew the head wouldn't be there to protect her if required, she used to go in crying until she actually left a few months later

both my kids were collected by "a man", school had NO idea who they let my kids go off with (they were collected by after school club at the time) for an hour and a half i didnt know who had collected my kids......... the school asked ME who the man was......... erm i was at work,
this i did report to ofsted who told me to have a word with the head and if he didnt take it seriously then ofsted would investigate, as it was a serious breach of security, by not checking ID
head master told me i was over reacting and that the kids were ok so stop going on about it until i told them to expect ofsted :D who did investigate and the head pooped himself :rolleyes:

honestly i've had enough now, i'd love to change marks school but he doesnt want to leave his friends, which i can understand, and he only has another year left, but i really have reached the end of my tether with this school now

am i over reacting???

[little miss chatterbox]

I would say no you're absolutely not over reacting!

The school have a duty to protect your son and put his and your needs first.

They are aware of his problems and should be working with you to help him to make him feel safe and happy and to help him.

All of those issues are too serious (in my opinion) to be ignored by the head and the teachers and yes, they should be doing something about it.

Good luck in getting it sorted, hope Mark enjoys his trip and does get to be with his best friend

[huggableshelly]

you are most definatly not over-reacting.

I would ask OT to go into the school and monitor your child, let them see that the school are not following guidelines so hopefully they can then rectify this.

I am dreading school trips like that, my Son would not cope with the seperation issue but I am planning on starting sleep overs with his best mate here and at his home so by the time they go on a trip he will be fine with his best mate providing school allow it which to be honest my Sons school is brill at handling things like that and aim to meet every childs needs.

Personally I wouldnt let my children go on trips with a school who were unable to check ID's at school pick up times. Too many what ifs would race through my tiny brain causing me to explode.

[WibbleWobble]

short answer




no!


what an uncaring school!


whatever happend to Every Child matters!!!!!


big hugs to you



mandyXX

[Ticktoria]

No you're not!

I cannot believe how bad this school is being :angry:

I hope something gets sorted

[Hebs]

short answer




no!


what an uncaring school!


whatever happend to Every Child matters!!!!!


big hugs to you



mandyXX

thats what i told them!!!!
there will already be 2 issues on their ofsted report because of how they treat my kids told them i dont mind making it 3 :angry:

[TheBTeam]

My sons school had no issues like this with his school year, but they still asked each child to name two children in order of priority that they would like to share a room with and the school promised that at least one of their choices would be in the 6 man room with them. I think it is outrageous that if it is no big deal then why are they hell bent on not doing it!

Worrying about the man thing, have they changed their procedure? I would be tempted to send a man again to see what happened:panic:

[mama2three]

Honestly hebs , if this was a 1 off then yes I would say you are over reacting and that Mark would be fine....but in light of all your previous run ins with the school I can see why you feel this way.
It does sound like both the head and yourself have your stubborn heads on and this makes it impossible to reach any sort of compromise ,as you always start by being defensive. but you have to put Marks needs first - and i cant see why there would be an issue with the boys being together so its not a big deal for the school to back down and rearrange things this time. It is always a nightmare on school trips trying to please everyone and so often the groups are random - but noone would have known that things were 'rigged' when there is a special circumstance .
I have to say i would consider changing schools , both my older boys moved schools a number of times with new friends in no time..but only you know how Mark would cope with this , just dont underestimate him. I have several friends who chose their secondary schools based on the children wanting to go with their friends , rather than which school was the best for them. They all regret it.

[cuffleygirl]

YOU ARE NOT OVERACTING! This is a catalogue of incidents - not a one-off.

If you don't think they can keep your children safe in school - don't send them there!

[Mookins]

we had similar issues with my stepson who has aspergers...school said oooh yes we can cope we have lots like him
detention he was left in classroom by himself whilst teacher went off for a coffe...stepson is petrified of being on his own even now at 15 he doesnt go anywhere alone, wont even stay in the house by himself if i pop to the shop.

needless to saydue to his needs not being met in many many areas he was suspended a few times, then finally told he couldnt go back

that school needs a severe ofsted telling off, "stop going on about your children being picked up by someone else" i dont bloomin well think so, how different had it of been if that was his children!!!

that head teacher needs his head read what a joke
i would be making complaints left right and centre, school govners, newspapers,ofsted you name them id tell them

its disgraceful behaviour and your son now misses out because of one simple request....unbelieveable
id sit in the headmasters office and refuse to move until they let him, its not hard....grrrr
x x x

[Hebs]

It does sound like both the head and yourself have your stubborn heads on and this makes it impossible to reach any sort of compromise ,as you always start by being defensive.

i didnt start by being defensive, i went and spoke to the head teacher about mark's issues before even putting his name down for the trip regarding his adhd, and all the other concerns i had, and we spoke in depth about it.
i explained that i was only asking for the boys to be together in the dorms and not in the groups for activities and the reasons for it.

the reason i'm not happy is that head was fine with this until yesterday, leaving only today for me to make a decision, i feel he was hoping i would pull mark out of going

i could list a catalogue of issues within the school......

TA trying to forcefully remove marks earing (despite others wearing ear rings, and no school rules against wearing them except during PE)

TA telling mark off for wearing boots in winter!!! as it is not school uniform when this TA's own son wears trainers which arn't school uniform either

melissa being made to go into a playground full of parents to point out the mother who assaulted her, not once did the school inform me of any incident, i found out at 6pm when i collected her from the after school club and was told she has been in tears all evening!

marks support in school has been stopped for the last year, but is being put back in place next year (cos he has his SAT's)

School secretary breaks confidentiality ALL the time, was only pulled again at the end of last week for it

i know i am not the only parent who has issues within the school, one child being told by senco that her diagnosis of dyslexia was wrong and she just needed to try harder!! :eek:

i would pull mark out of school if he had longer left, but as he doesnt deal with change very well and will have enough upheaval next year it really isnt an option :(

[Pipsqueak]

Harry goes on his residential in a couple of weeks time and he is getting twitchy about it. Last year was his first time away but his brother was there.
School have asked who the kids would like to share with and have said they will do their best to accomodate. Although the school are very aware of childrens good friends etc.

[Mollymop]

NO! You are defo not overreacting. My son has aDD and aspergers traits 9though never diagnoised him:rolleyes: ) and never ever wants to go on residential trips, so I can understand Mark being upset about it. It is so unfair on him bless his heart.

I wish they would employ teachers that actually like kids :rolleyes:

[wendywu]

No you are not over reacting at all. I would be doing as you are doing going in all guns blazing.

Where my children are concerned i pull no punches. Its a case of she who shouts the loudest in my case. AND it has always worked.

I would tell them i will be on the phone during the trip to find out who my son was sleeping in a room with.

They are meant be be inclusive and put the needs of the child first. Ask them why they are victmizing your children. Get Ofsted involved.

This is just so unncessary and needless stress for you and Mark.
Ask them if they are bullying you Hebs because you are a single mum. Pull out all the stops.

[PixiePetal]

when my DS went on the year 6 trip - (Mon to Fri) I had a meeting with teacher and deputy head to discuss his problems - bed wetting although not every night and not totally soaked - he was waiting for a circumcision to sort him out :blush: They were great, listened, let him share with a friend who knew about him and had plans for if the worst happened. He went and had a great time.:thumbsup: :clapping: They couldn't have been more caring :) (also had his op and not wet the bed since - wish we had done it sooner:rolleyes: )

[Hebs]

School secretary daughter going and i sharing with her friends.. co incident? I think not!

[bekki0405]

sometimes a strongly worded letter, starting with this incident, but also covering all previous incidents, can help. It can be cathartic, and get all your thoughts down on paper in a sensible way.
A copy of this can be sent on to Ofsted, you could add this into the letter, to let the school know you have taken this lack of understanding of your son's special need seriously.
By doing this, you also provide yourself with a written report, which you will have in the future if needed
Oh,and in no way over reacting! xx