Racism and how to deal with it

[gigglinggoblin]

Today at school ds (11, has Aspergers) made racist comments to another child, then told the teachers that he is a racist and there is nothing they can do about it.

I have spoken to him and I think he made the comment just as you would make any nasty comment, I asked him why it was bad and he said you shouldnt make fun of people from another race but nothing more specific, so I dont think he is a racist. The bit after I think was mostly for effect (he likes effect).

However, I am not making excuses for this, if anything having Aspergers means we have to come down on him harder than another child as if he is allowed to get away with it once he will likely do it again (and as he knows we were all so shocked it makes it more likely unless there is a good reason for him not to do it). School are discussing what to do, I have asked them to be hard on him and he has lost tv and sweets at home.

I want to make him understand why racism is worse than just name calling, I am going to get some books from the library tomorrow (the idea being if he has no tv he has time on his hands to fill with something useful) but I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions? I have seen there is a documentary on google video from bbc four called history of racism, has anyone seen it, would it be too graphic for a fairly sensitive 11 year old?

Any help gratefully received, I want to deal with this quickly and make sure it makes a lasting impression.

[Mookins]

i really feel for youhun, my stepson has aspergers now 15yrs old, before he started at the specialist school hes at now (been there 2 years) he was the child from hell on occasions

he used to do the same, comments to get attention or a reaction, we tried ignoring and he would do something else ntil he got a reaction
wander in and out of classes into another class and call another pupil names then walk back into his own class and deny any involvement
lie about anything from dawn till dusk from brushing his teeth to his dad and stepdad both beating him:rolleyes:


is he getting any help with his aspergers? at his old school he used to have a teacher sit with him in his lessons but they would only fund for 1 day a week and wouldnt have him in for the other days:mad:

if you arent already then you should demand help for your son, he doesnt do this on purpose to an extent, its just the way he is!
i dont know your ds but does he have fixations? i mean for example my stepson loves planes and guns:( he can tell an aeroplane from the tip of its nose, or a gun just from the noise (via the internet i must add)

perhaps if he does you could try and link this with people of different race..ie with us we would show him pics of soldiers who were black, indian etc etc and explain over and over again as that what has to be done (consistancy) we are all the same, doing the same things fighting the same wars but just different colours!

hth big hugs

x x

oh and if one moreperson telle me (in my day they were just naughty chldren, and they give everything a name these days) i will go bonkers

x x

[gigglinggoblin]

Thanks Mookins, it helps to talk to other people who understand!

He has one to one help all the time in class but this happened in the playground where he really struggles, too unstructured and one to one cant be there then.

His current fixation is football, great idea to link it there are loads of players I can use as examples. Thing is I dont think he said it because he thinks there is anything wrong with being a different colour or culture, I dont think that has even occurred to him, he just knows that some people use it as a put down so he threw it at this boy because it fit.

We have been given a normal secondary for next year, he really needs a special school as he has been to 4 schools now, none of them can cope with him for more than about 2 years and he follows the same pattern every time. I have the transition meeting soon which should be fun, current school think they are doing ever so well but he hasnt been there long enough - they aint seen nothing yet! I just want to make sure this is the last time this happens, he will have lots of help at secondary but it wont stop things like this.

And you are def right about them being naughty children in the past, you wonder how the kids and their families coped.

[sarah707]

I wonder if he gets picked on? The boy I know with aspies was, quite regularly, called names etc.

You could work from that angle... he knows how much it hurts to be different.

Maybe different people should stick together and focus on their similarities to each other.

Hugs xx

[Mookins]

oooh brilliant, great one to use as explanations of race, although its obvious as you say hes just using it as thats probably something hes heard

thats thetrouble all may be fine in class as its what he knows and its all routine but the playground is a whole different ball game (no pun intended)

does your school offer something that he can do instead, like using the gym facilities, or extra football practice?

the school we had him in said when he first started ooohyes we have lots of children with aspergers, we can cope, 11 months later he had been suspended 3 times and then was excluded permanantly but said it would go on his report as something else.

I really hope you can get him into a school that specialise with his needs
our lad is a changed boy, there where times when i used to lock myself in the bathroom and cry cos he was such hard work (he was 10yrs old at that point:eek: )
he is sooo different now, have always loved him as my own but now I can really feel love for him, hes fab as is your boy

x x x x