View Full Version : Why do I feel so mean ?
Zoomie
12-03-2010, 01:14 PM
DS has been on 'probation' about going to a friends birthday party this weekend.
Main mindee family has been ill Mon-Th, so it was just one boy here for abt 10-15 minutes each morning.
Today, full house of children & mindees and I am talking to a dad and next I hear DS scream / yell very angrily at mindee (who has been here all week) that 'he didn't say / do that'.
Not sure what happened and I didn't even ask DS for his side of story cos we have had issues with him being mean / shouting / hitting mindees in the past.
Going to be missing the birthday party now .... but why do I feel so mean :(
sarah707
12-03-2010, 01:15 PM
It is the only way he will learn but I know what you mean.
Hugs xx
Twinkles
12-03-2010, 01:28 PM
You feel mean cos they are very good at pushing the guilt buttons. You are doing the right thing , you have to be consistant or he'll never learn.
angeldelight
12-03-2010, 03:13 PM
You feel mean cos they are very good at pushing the guilt buttons. You are doing the right thing , you have to be consistant or he'll never learn.
I agree
He will get over it
Angel xx
jelly15
12-03-2010, 03:39 PM
Been there, done that. You have done the right thing.
Daddy Day Care
12-03-2010, 03:45 PM
I it is hard, but as the others have said your doing the right thing.
This is where me and my wife struggle, as im the one who would make them miss the party, where as she would cave in and let them go.
Gareth
xx
nannymcflea
12-03-2010, 08:56 PM
My dd1 has missed Brownies, trips to friends and have cancelled friends coming round. She knows we mean it and that we don't idly threaten. Good for you sticking to your guns.
Zoomie
12-03-2010, 09:44 PM
I told DS before school this morning that he wasn't going, and a couple of times this afternoon, however it was only at bedtime that he realised I meant business and no amount of 'good behaviour' will earn the party back. (This is where I have gone wrong in the past).
He has made threats of being really really mean to mindees and refusing to go to bed etc till I changed my mind, so I ended up threatening some more 'loss of tv/ds/computer' if he wasn't in bed by the time I got to 10.
He was gone on abt 4 but I know I have to stay strong.
Got a mindee coming for a settling in tomorrow, but this is a LO, so hopefully will be immune to DS. He seems to have problems with the just the bigger children.
margimum
12-03-2010, 10:08 PM
I have always been a complete walkover to my kids... always threatening .... You're not going to such and such..... If you do that one more time....!! I and they always knew I would give in, so I had to give myself a get out option:blush:
It can be really hard for a child to "share" his mum's time and his home with children he may not like. depending on his age, can you reason with him about how lucky he is you can be there for him and not have to "go out" to work like mindees mum
I find it so much easier now my own children are grown and don't have to feel jealous of mindees getting my attention.
Zoomie
13-03-2010, 12:18 PM
Apart from having me around in the evenings now, things haven't really changed financially for us a family, and there is very little money for luxuries.
Granted my children get to do things with me they didn't before like going to soft play / farms etc but these are with the mindees (and they got to do them previously with their own childminder).
I would love to take on an extra child, but I am scared that it will just make things worse.
The situation has been allowed to carry on for too long (I remember being pg 3 years ago and him having issues then) and I know that I am too soft and not consistent but it has to stop.
If he goes no where, and looses all his toys / tv / computer / ds time then I am sure he will jack up his ideas. He is a lovely child at school and they cannot fathom what I am on abt sometimes, but I have enough evidence that I have unfortunately had to get mindees parents to sign for me to not come down hard on the issue.
He came down with a bug last night anyhows, so fate is playing into my hands too.
nannymcflea
13-03-2010, 06:24 PM
Don't beat yourself up about past issues, hindsight is a wonderful thing!;)
As for the "behaving at school but not at home"...isn't that better than the other way around? Thats the way I look at it as both my girls, but dd1 in particular, have terrible days at home but are fab at school.
Stay strong and hopefully your ds will see you mean business and think before he acts.
Well I can dream too can't I....:laughing: