dealing with naughty children

[lnmrobbo]

Hi everyone, i hope someone can help me.

Just after christmas I started childminding, i have been lucky to fill my books and am more than happy with the income.

The thing is, all the children i care for appear to be extremley naughty! I was always under the impression that children were always well behaved for other people, well thats gone completley out of the window!

I just dont know how to deal with it! Of course i have done the courses, read all the literature, i'm even in touch with the local inclusion team.

I just don't know what to do about the children, it's so hard especially when all of them are behaving badly at the same time.

The main thing is lack of manners and respect. When i try to teach them about these things, the children give me a look like ive just stepped of a spaceship or something.

has anyone else had any similar experience and could someone please give me some advice?

[Zoomie]

How old are the children and have you designed some house rules (or better, if children old enough, got them to come up with house rules) ?

[lnmrobbo]

i have done that, yes. I even asked the parents to sit with us to do the house rules (which they did). A parent even took a copy to put up in their own home.

The children have took no notice of it at all!

I care for 3 children, all aged 4 1/2. Usually after school (every day), but over the half term it was every day and it got a bit much.

[francinejayne]

I'm new to this too so I'm not speaking from experience as a minder, 'just' my experience as a mum! I found that for a short while I had to become a horror to my children - I would just about let them breathe, but anything more than that and I came down on them like a tonne of bricks! I found that my children got to an age where they tried to push the boundaries as much as possible, just to see what happened. I would tell them that things aren't working and you don't like their behaviour at the moment (I think they're old enough to understand the rules and what you're saying), so for everything they do that is against the rules they will have to be 'punished' - time out worked for my children. I would also introduce a reward system for good behaviour - stickers for each session they've not been told off, and once they get 5 stickers they get to choose a 'treat'?
School hols are the hardest time to occupy children all day long, so hopefully this week things will start to feel better!

[francinejayne]

oh and in my house, if you don't use your manners then you don't get!!! end of!!!

[DIPPY DOUGHNUT]

oh and in my house, if you don't use your manners then you don't get!!! end of!!!

Same here!! i seem to spend most of my day reminding them the need to say please and thank you!!!!!

[Mrs.L.C]

Iv got one thats can be difficult on and off so going to put a few things iv tried

warning then time out? this works even with my 8 years olds.

You could speak to them asking them why they are behaving in that way and would they do it anywhere else? see what their answer is.

Could it be bordom? do they take part in the activities? if not have you asked why?

Get them out of the house as much as possible rain or shine. I spend half hour in the school play ground after school before walking home most days.

Is there a particulare time of day they really play up? Maybe theyr are getting hungry or tired?

try to catch them just as they start playing up and just suggest they play this game or read this book or watch this programme etc - distraction rather than telling them off

If I think of anything else I will add

[angeldelight]

So since Christmas you have just had these children after school ? Then last week you had them for half term ?

Its not long really - they are getting to know you and you are getting to know them

Together they are learning which buttons to press and its working because they are winding you up

One child of that age can be bad enough but 3 of them all the same age - poor you

I have 2 children the same age after school and have to say because they have not been at school that long they still get really tired and grumpy and do want their own way - but of course they dont get it ha :laughing:

School holidays once again are a shock to the system the kids want to run around and let off steam and you can feel shattered at the end of the day

You will soon get to know these children and what makes them tick - you will also start to get into more of a routine yourself and things will hopefully get easier for you

Get into a routine when the kids get home from school - we dont always do much the kids just like to chill out with books or tv and a snack

Chat to them ask them all what they like to do

Point out some good things that they are doing and say how pleased you are with them rather than just talking about rules etc maybe it will encourage them to behave when they know you are happy and pleased with them ?

Good luck let us know how it goes

Angel xx

[lnmrobbo]

Thanks guys for all of that.
to be honest i can deal with my own children fine, i have 5 = 1 girl and 4 boys from 16 years to 2 years. so i know what im doing as a parent.

im not saying my own kids are perfect but they know how to use manners and respect other peoples property and possessions.

the minded children however do not. when ive tried to teach them about manners and respect, explaining feelings etc, then they just look at me gone out! it's like they've never been taught anything!

And obviously i cant shout and scream at them like i can my own kids!
They do all have reward charts, time out, different activities, plenty of outside play, but there again ive never met such mardy children, the slightest thing they would end up laid on the floor screaming apparently "hurt".
for instance my 2 year old was running up the slide ladder and sliding down, a 5 year old mindee climbed half way up the ladder and started screaming that he couldnt do it!
its like theyve never been anywhere or been taught anything by the parents.

one parent has admitted she doesnt tell her little one off, because the child has a cheeky face and they give her such a lovely look, she cant tell them off! Whatttt!!!!!

Ive half wondered if i had been too hard on my own family, trying to bring them up properly.

i just dont know how to deal with the minded children, how do i get them to realise that life is living by rules and using manners. there are obvious rules we need to stick to as childminders regarding discipline but i cant get through to them by using the rules that we cant shout at them or physically restrain them when they are aggressive towards others.

eeeek! a bottle of wine is always at the ready.......:laughing:

[Joannechildmind]

Lots of good advice already :thumbsup:

[king]

O dear! You are doing all the right things, house rules, encouraging good manners, time out etc. Its very important to be consistant with your boundaries and praise the good behaviour. They are quite new and maybe seeing what they can get away with. Its hard because you do want them to like you but they will have more respect if you are firm but fair.
Good luck I hope they calm down because any new ones after that will take example from their good behaviour.

[lnmrobbo]

Thanks King

letting me know that I am doing the right thing is a boost. As you say I do want them to like me, I dont really want them going home crying and telling their parents they dont want to come back because I keep telling them off!

I also agree that being firm but fair gains respect.

i was just under this wonderful impression that children were always well behaved at other peoples houses, how wrong was I?

I am asking parents to back me up and continue the same things at home. I think that whatever I am doing with the child, if I do make a breakthrough, it all goes out of the window if the parent doesn't back me up when they are at home.

Thanks to everyone for your brill advice
Lisa x

[little chickee]

I think that the thinking that kids are well behaved at other peoples houses works if they visit occasionally but with 4 1/2 yo who are with you reguarly that does change.

When i start with new mindees i am really quite strict with what it allowed and what isnt and what is expected of them and they learn quite quickly that they cannot push my buttons like they maybe do with their parents because i simply will not tolerate bad behaviour.

As they start to be with my a bit longer i soften up a bit because they have a clear idea that they ccannot push me around and it all goes well (mostly)

Just carry on as you are and have faith!!