At what age do you let them have sex at home [Archive]

jelly15

17-12-2009, 02:06 PM

My DS is 17 and has a new girlfiend same age and he is smitten big time. Don't want them having sex in back of car, but they are going to do it soon at thier age, so how long after they have been going out do I let her sleep over in his room? And what about her parents feelings or is she old enough to make up her own mind?

I am trying to be a cool mum but need advice please.

Jules12Wed

17-12-2009, 02:15 PM

I know they might get up to things when they may be in the house by themselves etc but I personally would not allow a girlfriend to sleep over in my son's bed at any age. but then I don't believe in sex before marriage.

venus89

17-12-2009, 02:16 PM

I can't tell you from a Mum point of view asdd is only 9 and that's scary enough! Well done you for being a cool Mum - my mum felt the same as you, that she'd rather we were at home doing it than in a car somewhere random (and so uncomfortable!). I think 17 is fine. As you say they're going to. Perhaps talk to your son now before they get to that stage, remind about contraception and say so long as her parents are happy about her staying then so are you when they're both ready?

newbie

17-12-2009, 02:16 PM

My sister in law was in exactly the same situation a couple of years back and eventually agreed to her DS's girlfriend staying over. About a year later they broke up and her DS found another girl to be smitten with. Within a week of dating that girl she slept over and then a few weeks later they broke up. He has now starting dating another girl.....and guess what? He wants her to stay over lol. My sister in law is now regretting ever allowing this to happen in the first place and feels like she gave her son the wrong message.

Straws

17-12-2009, 02:18 PM

My daughter is 21, I don't allow her to bring BF's home to sleep, maybe I'm old fashioned, she can spend the night at her BF's house. but not under my roof lol.

Straws xx

Blackhorse

17-12-2009, 02:22 PM

My daughter is 21, I don't allow her to bring BF's home to sleep, maybe I'm old fashioned, she can spend the night at her BF's house. but not under my roof lol.

Straws xx

I dont understand this? what are your reasons for this? Why is it ok at BF's house but not your's? I am not judging you I am genuinely interested...

I would think that it depends how long they have been together.
If it is a new thing I wouldnt want them over at my house..if they have been together for a couple of months I might consider it...
No way would my mum have left me spend the night anywhere else until I was probably 19/20. But then she wouldnt have minded if BF came back to our flat....

Hebs

17-12-2009, 02:35 PM

Never,

I was never allowed to at home and same will go for my kids!

maisiemog

17-12-2009, 02:36 PM

I am nowhere near ready to have to think about this as DD only 15 months but have experience of being the gf!

Neither of our parents would let us sleep over at the others and as I met dh at uni we spent a lot of time visiting each other during the hols. I used to have to sleep in the conservatory and dh would sneak up to be about half hour before his dad got up until we got caught out! :blush: After that we decided to move in together and avoid all the embarrasment.

I would still agree they did the right thing as we both have younger siblings and I hate the thought of dd being in that situation. I'd much rather not know about it! I'd say you need to make sure her parents are ok with her staying over and if they are maybe talk to ds and explain that he needs to be responsible as your treating him as a grown up??

solly

17-12-2009, 02:37 PM

I didnt want to read and run!

I am in a similar dilema apart from I have a 17 year old daughter.
She has been going out with her boyfriend 9 months and he is a lovely lad, he has slept over once when we went away to London for the night and DD was looking after her brothers he slept in her room and she slept down stairs.

The subject so far has not been approached apart from me telling my DD when the time is right she will know and i hope she takes the precaution and go on the pill (i have put her off kids for life) so cant see that would be a problem for her she also wants a career in law not babies.

If the subject did come up I dont think my DH or I would have a problem with it as i like you would prefer them to be at home than in a car somewhere I think she would need to go out with a boyfriend for a while like she is now.

Will continue to read with interest

Princess Sara

17-12-2009, 02:56 PM

Personally, I don't have a problem with it. DS1 is only 5, but when he's older I won't mind him bringing his gf home for dinner and to stay over. There will be certain criteria first though, like it being a serious relationship (more than a couple of months!) and I've met and liked her.

As long as they are doing it safely, love each other and over the age of consent then I have no problem.

DF might not agree, but he's got a few years to come round to the idea! Lol, but in his mind ds1 will be out on his own at 16 like he was, so he's got quite a few things to come round to when the time comes... because I also have no problem with ds1 still living here at 21, 22, 25...

amirose

17-12-2009, 03:00 PM

My dad (who I lived with) let me bring back boyfriends to stay from the age of 16. I think that was too young. I think it probably should of been 18 but on the same hand yes it was better then being somewhere in a car - which is also illegal too. I was a strong willed teenager and was going to do whatever I liked regardless lol.
My mum on the other hand, ok I am single now, but will to this date not let me stay over with someone and I am 25!!! Me and my ex had been together 7 years and she wouldn't let us stay over in the same bed so we never stayed over!!! It was daft because we lived together and had been together 7 years - as you well know after that amount of time together and living together too you are really past going at it every time your in the same bed LOL :laughing:

miffy

17-12-2009, 03:01 PM

cabby

17-12-2009, 03:03 PM

my DD is 18 in march, she has been with BF for 2 years, we have said that when shes 18 she can stay at his house and they can start going away for weekends together, but he will not be staying here!!!! the main reason for this is that i would feel like he was invading my space, ive explained this to amy and she understands our feelings, its little things like, both me and steve sleep with nothing on (sorry if thats to much info:blush: ) and with our bedroom door open, because the dog sleeps in our room but during the night she goes out on to the landing, if the doors shut she moans and wakes us up, if her BF stayed we wouldnt be able to do that and i dont think we should have to change our sleeping arrangments because of him, :)

brightstar

17-12-2009, 03:19 PM

My sons girlfriend started staying over when he was 18, after finding out they were doing it in the car he shared with me I thought she might as well, as long as they are respectful of the rest of the family. We're quite relaxed about it, but if I ever hear anything I don't want too, I will have a quiet word with him lol.

kindredspirits

17-12-2009, 03:51 PM

i slept at my boyfriends house from 16 - first on his pull out sofa and he would jump back into bed at about 5am and then they bowed to the inevitable and stopped worrying about it - he was 21 tho.

If they are in a solid relationship i would personally allow them to sleep together on the proviso that they are quiet, that the girls parents are happy with this and that they ensure they take proper precautions.

cuddlybunny38

17-12-2009, 03:54 PM

My son is 17 and asked me a few weeks ago this very question, I was a bit shocked( my daughter was 18 when her b/f stayed had been together 9mths) he put it that my daughter had her b/f stay so could he, been with his g/ f about 4 mths when he asked, we wernt to comfortable but like others knew he would have sex what ever we said, how we did it wasw to say we didnt mind but had to have her parents permission as didnt want to go behind there backs, but we didnt want to hear any hanky panky lol. her parents are a lot older then us( in the late 60s) and didnt agree so never happened. daft thing is the g/f dumped him this week. Know they did do it though as found empty condom packets in his room. just thought to myself at least he is being resposnible.

Blaze

17-12-2009, 03:58 PM

I was 19 - but we were serious (& he was the only bf that ever stayed overnight) - he became my hubby!

It's such a personal thing - I don't think there is a right or wrong answer & it really does depend on the teenager & their partner (s) Having said that....I had a friend that from 16 was allowed boys over...they used to knock on her window - & mum & dad would end up with different fellas on different days staying for breakfast!:eek:

Think for mine it'll be 18 as long as it's a proper relationship - but will have to wait & see at the time! HTH

funtoplay

17-12-2009, 04:11 PM

Hi,

What a question... I would rather know what my daughter is up to and with whom!! I think it would show i trust her and value her decisions. I think 17 would be fine.

Julia

flora

17-12-2009, 05:07 PM

I think 17 is fine.

I would let them, you know they probably are "at" it anyway.

I feel I would rather kno where they were, my dh has different views, so we'll see when H get that old.

When I was that age, mum knew I was having sex, but never allowed us to sleep in the same room. Not sure what the logic was there ???:D

singlewiththree

17-12-2009, 05:09 PM

Never,

I was never allowed to at home and same will go for my kids!

No boys upstairs! I'm one of 4 girls :) and those were my dad's rules. I now have 3 daughters and know exactly where he was coming from and same rules apply a:) t my hou:) se, I know what I got up to staying at my bf house at 17.

estrelas

17-12-2009, 05:18 PM

Goodness
don't ever want to think about it.

MY daughter will always Be a baby
she will never have sex or a boyfriend for that matter

NO NO NO NO :panic: :panic: :panic:

To be honest i don't know what i'd do. Depends on alot of things I suppose

ajs

17-12-2009, 05:27 PM

my son is 18 ( 19 in feb) and although i am pretty sure he is having sex with his gilrfriend, he has never asked if she can stay over.
it would be weird if she did to be honest as she lives opposite.
he has stayed at her house a couple of nights if her parents are away though.

also his 15 yr old sister is in the room next to him and i wouldn't want her to feel uncomforatable if he was having sex in the room next to hers.

if they want though i have no problem with them both going upstairs to "watch a dvd" as long as he is respectful of the rest of the family

flora

17-12-2009, 05:56 PM

No boys upstairs! I'm one of 4 girls :) and those were my dad's rules. I now have 3 daughters and know exactly where he was coming from and same rules apply a:) t my hou:) se, I know what I got up to staying at my bf house at 17.

So if you know what goes on why is it ok to do it somewhere else but not in your house????

Not having a go, just donn't get it ;)

Pipsqueak

17-12-2009, 06:14 PM

I have always been open and honest with my kids (eldest is 11 nearly 12) since my parents weren't with me.

I think its great that you are thinking/considering the question and to my mind the more upfront you are with the children then you take away the mystery and 'i know this will get up my parents nose' rebellious act.

My sister (her youngest is now 26) and from the age of 16 (for her eldest) she left condoms in the bathroom - her thoughts were - well if you are going to do it then be safe about it.
I can't say for sure that I would allow g/f to stop over in the same room (my dad had the same rules - no boys allowed upstairs but didn't stop me having sex) - if they are committed and I consider them to be mature enough then yes (and of course of age) I think I would say yes at the age of 17yrs plus BUT I don't think my hubby would.
I would rather children be somewhere safe and sound than having a seedy (and cold) fumble in a field somewhere.

wendywu

17-12-2009, 06:18 PM

My daughter is 17 in Feb and i would not let her have a boyfriend sleep over in her room, no way. If she did it it in the back of a car at least i would not know about it :eek:

sarah707

17-12-2009, 06:52 PM

I'm not sure I'd want to know :panic:

My partner's son lives here just now and he has his girlfriend stay over a couple of nights a week.

Somehow that's different, it's not one of my babies :laughing:

mamasheshe

17-12-2009, 07:01 PM

my mum used to let me have my boyfriend stay over when i was 15!!!!!! he was 21 which i would never ever do don't quite know what she was thinking.

i think i'd let them stay over at 17 as long as they where respectful that they are in a family home i guess i'll cross that bridge when i come to it i've got a while. Only thing i will say is once you've said yess to her staying over then will they assume that any future girlfriends can too? i know i did!

Alibali

17-12-2009, 07:11 PM

Dd is 17 and no way would I allow a bf to stay over. My children will never be allowed to have partners stay over at my home until they are married.

Call me old fashioned if you like, but I think it's high time that we went back to the olden days where sex before marriage was frowned upon. Too many people get hurt with easily available sex.

I think that our children should be brought up to respect their parents and I believe that is disrespectful of them to consider asking that question.

Just my opinion:)

ORKSIE

17-12-2009, 07:22 PM

my DD will be 16 in Feb, he BF stays over, but he sleeps on the sofa. I am not looking forward to her being "of age".
At the moment I keep telling them that she is not legally allowed to have sex. That seems to work at the minute.:thumbsup:

Tatia

17-12-2009, 07:32 PM

I have this battle with my 22 year old babe magnet of a son all the time. I say no way, he argues he's an adult, I say then get your own flat. :laughing:

My 17 year old daughter is active. I took her for contraceoption and advice from the doctor a year ago when she asked me if I would. I'm not naive about sex and I want her to be responsible and I'm not disappointed or disturbed because she's having sex with her long-term boyfriend but I would just be too grossed out with it going on in my house.

I don't need to light the candles and chill the wine for them!:panic:

mamasheshe

17-12-2009, 07:34 PM

I don't need to light the candles and chill the wine for them!:panic:

well put he he :laughing:

Twinkles

17-12-2009, 08:07 PM

Trouble

17-12-2009, 08:11 PM

my dd will not be dating til shes 35 so it will be ok then but any younger the answer will be NO

my sister got pregnant at 16 my neice was brought up by my mum and its taken its toll on my family:(

margaret

17-12-2009, 09:47 PM

no girlfriends or boy friends upstairs ,my house my rules ,thats how i was brought up and i respected my parents rules ,kids get to many mixed messages otherwise (could i be a bit old fashioned)

Twinkles

17-12-2009, 10:19 PM

Heck I don't even let my husband have sex and he's 50 :laughing: :laughing:

angeldelight

17-12-2009, 10:21 PM

I must be the biggest meanie ever then. I didn't allow my daughter to have her boyfriend over to stay ( in her room ) until she was 22 and they had been going out since she was 16 :cool:

My 'rule' has evolved to be - they must be in their 20's and have been in a relationship with said partner for several months.

I know they will have sex before that but hey why make it easy for them ?
My sister took the attitude ( for her daughter ) that ' she's sixteen , it's legal , why not ?' her daughter had an unplanned pregnancy at eighteen.

Same here Twinkles

My children were in their 20s and in a relationship for at least a year

My house my rules

Its always worked out fine though even if they did not agree at the time they soon learn who is boss and that is ME :laughing: :laughing:

Angel xx

Blaze

17-12-2009, 10:22 PM

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

angeldelight

17-12-2009, 10:44 PM

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Whats miss clever cloggs laughing for ?

:laughing:

Angel xxx

Minstrel

17-12-2009, 10:48 PM

Heck I don't even let my husband have sex and he's 50 :laughing: :laughing:
:laughing: :laughing:

I think this is what tickled Blaze!

DIPPY DOUGHNUT

17-12-2009, 10:50 PM

my mum let my boyfriend stay over when i was 17 but we had been together for 6 months.

Her reasoning was she would rather it was under her roof and we were being safe then in an alleyway or car!!

I would like to think i will be the same with my girls but they are only 2 & 3 so we will see!

angeldelight

17-12-2009, 10:50 PM

:laughing: :laughing:

I think this is what tickled Blaze!

Oh yeah I missed that

Funny

:laughing: :laughing:

Angel xx

Tatia

18-12-2009, 08:31 AM

Straws

18-12-2009, 09:25 AM

I dont understand this? what are your reasons for this? Why is it ok at BF's house but not your's? I am not judging you I am genuinely interested...

I would think that it depends how long they have been together.
If it is a new thing I wouldnt want them over at my house..if they have been together for a couple of months I might consider it...
No way would my mum have left me spend the night anywhere else until I was probably 19/20. But then she wouldnt have minded if BF came back to our flat....

I just don't like the idea of someone sleeping under my roof when I two other children at home, and the thought of them having sex in the next room to my other children,( sounds daft I know) but dont really know how to explain it, her BF got his own flat so they can do what they want there. He can come over anytime just not sleep here.

Straws xx

Rubybubbles

18-12-2009, 10:40 AM

When we go home to visit my parents, their house has very thin walls and they give us the gorgeous 'blue room' with the antique bed that squeaks with every movement!! Hubby says 'if you think I'm going without for 3 weeks, you're crazy!' I just cannot do it in my parents house or at least when they're home and we're like teenagers, waiting for the parentals to leave!:blush:

he he I am the same, I won't let dh go near me when around someone elses house lol

Back to OP

Yes I would let them stop! At 15 I was allowed my boyfriend over to stay, but we didn't do anything:) I just couldn't with parents there (hmm yes I know about age limits lol). Then when I met my now dh, he had his own room (RAF living in block) I was 17 and stayed at his lol! But when we were long distance from Inverness to Portsmouth for 18 months he was def allowed to stay! I only ever had BF at 15 and then my now hubby stay. No one else would off made it past the door:o :D I liked bad boys:blush:

AHem

Chatterbox Childcare

18-12-2009, 11:03 AM

My son is 18 and met his girlfriend when he was 17 and they sleep together in our house.

I always said it wouldn't happen to me but we have to evolve and go with the flow. We are not our parents and I like to feel that I am liberal and remember hopping from one room to another when boyfriend stayed and my parents were asleep.

Use your instincts.

I would rather they were in where I know they are safe than out and about god knows where

I don't think that unless you actually have children of this age and experience it you will understand - but wait until you do and you will look back, remember this thread and laugh :laughing:

Tatia

18-12-2009, 12:22 PM

you will look back, remember this thread and laugh
Or cry!:laughing:

Blaze

18-12-2009, 12:37 PM

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

FizzysFriends

18-12-2009, 12:59 PM

I was allowed boys to stay at 17 and I will let DD I would rather her be safe and get condoms out the bathroom.

As for not liking the thought of someone having sex in the next room, aren't the kids in the next room to you when you are having sex?

kindredspirits

18-12-2009, 01:27 PM

we once did it on my dh's ex wifes floor - we were stopping over for the weekend :blush: never again though, it was too difficult to be soundless and enjoyed yourself!! ;) :laughing:

Winnie

18-12-2009, 03:01 PM

At what age do you let them have sex at home ?
when its their own home or they have a ring on their finger (not necessarily a wedding ring) or they are over 21. Unless I had an east wing then it might be ok if i couldnt hear or guess......i would be most put out if a guest had sex in my house, so why should my children :D