Reviving an old thread as we need a laugh

[Pipsqueak]

Yes here it is ladies and gents..... the one and only

fabulous

Breathing Policy by the brilliant Pauline

If your child breathes I will ensure that the air around him/her is clean and free from dirt.

If your child arrives having breathed dirty air you will be required to sign an 'exisiting contamination form'

Children will be encouraged to breathe at all times

If your child refuses to breathe I will have to notify Ofsted and you must collect them immediately

I must ensure that all breathing meets the national standards, therefore we will practice breathing at all minutes of the day.

Please discuss breathing with your child and encourage them to breathe while in my care

Coughs will be considered acceptable forms of breathing, however you must sign a form to say that you will allow this

You must also sign a parental permission for that allows me to let your child breathe during his/her time in my care

This is my breathing procedure: in, out, in, out, in, out


Thank your for your understanding.
__________________

[Pipsqueak]

oooh just realised Pauline - this policy of yours hasn't been updated to EYFS - it still states national standards tsk tsk:laughing:

[wendywu]

I read this out at a policy writing workshop in Redhill in surrey. That is how Twinkles and i got to know Blaze as she jumped up and said " i know who wrote that she is on the childminding forum" :p

The rest is history:laughing:

[Twinkles]

yeah , so who are we blaming Pauline or Tasha ?

[Pipsqueak]

It really is still so poignant isn't it. It brings a tear to the eye (of laughter):D

[Blaze]

I'm like teflon..nothing sticks!:cool: :D

[breezy]

What do we do if they get hiccups? Think you need to cover this and link into EYFS :laughing:

If I observe a child breathing what would be their next step?:jump for joy:

[sarah707]

I wondered where this one had got to!

Thank you for the morning giggle :laughing:

[crazybones]

What do we do if they get hiccups? Think you need to cover this and link into EYFS :laughing:

If I observe a child breathing what would be their next step?:jump for joy:

Gosh there are so many next steps...... moving, passing wind, filling their nappy, producing candlestick snot and, not forgetting, coughing and sneezing in your face as you strap them into the pram.

[Tatia]

Have you planned for breathing? And what if a child chooses not to breathe? Aren't we meant to be following their interests instead of being too prescriptive?

[Pauline]

Good points - leave it with me, I'll be back :)

[Pipsqueak]

Have you planned for breathing? And what if a child chooses not to breathe? Aren't we meant to be following their interests instead of being too prescriptive?

Ahh but wouldn't this be considered a Welfare Requirement??? Whilst we have to be child-led we do have to consider the implications - I do hope Pauline has risk assessed her air as well :D :laughing:

[Tatia]

I take your point, Pip. Perhaps we need training to help us decide what percentage of breathing should be child-led and what percentage should be adult-initiated?

[Andrea08]

OMG :laughing: :laughing: what you lot like we got EYFS on d brains lol
its very cleaver how many other policies n procedures are hidden away like that lol wonder if parents would see the funny-side
thanks xx

[Pipsqueak]

I take your point, Pip. Perhaps we need training to help us decide what percentage of breathing should be child-led and what percentage should be adult-initiated?

hmmm well I do think that initially that children will need some degree of guidance - a positive role model should do the trick. Positive Breathing or something similar.:D

[Tatia]

Scaffold their breathing attempts. Find their ZPD by making them hold their breath til they pass out!:ROFL1:

Oh stop, I feel wicked. :laughing:

[Pipsqueak]

Scaffold their breathing attempts. Find their ZPD by making them hold their breath til they pass out!:ROFL1:

Oh stop, I feel wicked. :laughing:

PMSL:ROFL1: thats wicked and very funny.

Do you think of it as a schema with the repetitive breathing motion of in/out in/out. Think this might cover physical development, KUW at the very least but of course the environment has to be enabling for them to be able to breathe and of course it is very unique to each child but if we support them in their learning and ensure that we have parental partnership for all of this children will learn to breath in a sensitve, individual manner that will give them good self esteem for the rest of their lives

[Pipsqueak]

Think we are off on one!!!! lol:D Can't wait to see how Pauline is revising her Breathing Policy for EYFS:D :D

[Pauline]

Breathing Policy - Revised for EYFS


If your child breathes I will ensure that the air around him/her is clean and free from dirt and suitable to breathe. I will do this by carrying out a detailed risk assessment, every hour on the hour. Air will be checked against my current 5 point risk assessment:

1. Is the air at the correct temperature?
2. Is the air contaminated with dust or other things? (flying insects will be exculded as they come under my Insect Risk Assessment)
3. Is there enough air for each child and adult in the room?
4. Would it be possible for a child to lose their air at any point? If so what action would need to be taken?

My current short term plan is to breathe as often as possible, this is also reflected within my medium and long term plans. Once your child shows interest in breathing my future plans is to encourage them to continue with regular practice.

If your child arrives having breathed dirty air you will be required to sign an 'exisiting contamination form'. These will need to be completed in triplicate. One for the file, two for the bin. (This is to comply with current Ofsted paper wasting criteria)

Children will be encouraged to breathe at all times and their experienced noted and recorded against the 6 Early Learning Goals.

If your child refuses to breathe I will have to notify Ofsted and you must collect them immediately. Again triplicate recording will be required.

I must ensure that all breathing meets the EYFS, therefore we will practice breathing at all minutes of the day.

Please discuss breathing with your child and encourage them to breathe while in my care.

Coughs and sneezes will be considered acceptable forms of breathing, however you must sign a form to say that you will allow this.

You must also sign a parental permission form that allows me to let your child breathe during his/her time in my care, failure to do so will result in me not being able to allow your child to breathe and this could be detrimental to their care. (As this will not meet the Welfare Requirements you will therefore need to confirm (in triplicate) that you want to withdrawl your child from EYFS).

This is my breathing procedure: in, out, in, out, in, out. However, if after completing regular observations I feel this doesn't meet your child's particular interests and they would prefer out, in, in out, out (or similar) I will speak to you to make other arrangements.


Thank your for your understanding.

:D

[crazybones]

I think I have wet myself :ROFL1: :ROFL1: :ROFL1:

MANDYGot a Tena spare?

[Pipsqueak]

OMG LMAO that has given me tears in my eyes (doubly so as I read the Mandy=Tena bit)

Well done Pauline :clapping: :clapping: that is brilliant but may I point out (going all Ofsted on you) in the first part you state you have a 5 point risk assessment but have only stated 4.

Oh that is sooooo funny:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Tatia]

This is to comply with current Ofsted paper wasting criteria)

Hallelujah to that! Actually made me laugh out loud. In fact, I think guffaw would be the proper word for what I did!:blush:

:ROFL1: Oh I really needed a good laugh today, thanks you guys. Pauline, may I print this off and share it with others (including my OFSTED inspector)? I'll put your name and website address on it (erm, but not the one I show the inspector:D ).

[Twinkles]

OMG This made me cry with laughter my family think I've finally cracked

[sarah707]

brilliant! :laughing:

[nannysue]

.Brilliant :clapping: i'm going to put it in my policies folder and see if anyone actually notices :D

Sue x

[breezy]

That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny I've wet myself and i'm crying and dh thinks I'm mad
:ROFL1: :ROFL1: :ROFL1:

[Pauline]

but may I point out (going all Ofsted on you) in the first part you state you have a 5 point risk assessment but have only stated 4.



Sorry Pip but that was part of the joke - perhaps my subtle sense of humour was a little too subtle :rolleyes:

[breezy]

Sorry Pip but that was part of the joke - perhaps my subtle sense of humour was a little too subtle :rolleyes:

whats subtle?:laughing:

[Pipsqueak]

Sorry Pip but that was part of the joke - perhaps my subtle sense of humour was a little too subtle :rolleyes:

:blush: :blush: duh sorry am off to dye my hair blond right now.....:laughing: :laughing: (well I was pretending to be Ofsted anyway and I do have a busy day):D

[Pipsqueak]

whats subtle?:laughing:

Think its a new type of wine:D

[breezy]

Think its a new type of wine:D

large glass of chilled subtlety please:laughing:

[sue]

That made my day as l have just been doing Eyfs p/work all evening on top of a days work :jump for joy:

[Blaze]

Hilarious!:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :clapping: :D :thumbsup:

[Happy Feet]

Thats fantastic!!! I love it!!! xx

[Pipsqueak]

just going to prove that good threads die hard!! lol

[ajs]

sorry annie i never share

well done pauline
very very funny

[crazybones]

sorry annie i never share

well done pauline
very very funny

Good job I dont rely on you. I asked you for that in October last year. :laughing:

[ajs]

yeah sorry about that
i don't know who brought this back to the top but i only get a chance to read the top ten new posts so have probably missed loads of similar requests

[Pipsqueak]

we were on about this in a different thread last night and I think someone must have written in this thread.

still brilliant though isn;t it:D

[Minstrel]

I actually just snorted whilst reading this........... and i have a cold.............so not good!:blush:

[Pipsqueak]

I actually just snorted whilst reading this........... and i have a cold.............so not good!:blush:

thats a really nice image you haven't put in my head now.... gross:laughing: is your keyboard covering in green gunk

[rickysmiths]

Oh!!!! it's taken five mins to recover enough to write this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:ROFL1: :ROFL1: and I've used a box of tissues - can I put them done on my expenses and the Tena?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It didnt help that I've just had 1/2 a bottle of very good wine with dinner! :clapping: :clapping: :laughing:

athanks goodness we can all keep a sense of humour. I don't include anything about sikping ropes never thought to I just have a risk ass(!!!:blush: ) for the garden. and the bigger equipment.

[Minstrel]

thats a really nice image you haven't put in my head now.... gross:laughing: is your keyboard covering in green gunk

no luckily i had a tissue next to me but it was down my face for a couple of seconds, good job my mouth was closed!

P.s. i know this is tmi but some of the stuff you girls write about....... its about time i got my own back!

[Pipsqueak]

no luckily i had a tissue next to me but it was down my face for a couple of seconds, good job my mouth was closed!

P.s. i know this is tmi but some of the stuff you girls write about....... its about time i got my own back!


oh that is really is SOOOO gross:laughing: :laughing: but i hope you remembered to keep breathing

[Minstrel]

oh yes i did- i dont want to get an action or inadequate on my inspection.:laughing:

[misst104]

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

x x x :)

[tammerisk]

do you think we could put together a copy of al these reidiculas policies and send them to the govenment and ofsted and see what there reaction is or even the national news or papers

[aly]

I have now printed and saved this policy....I need to send a copy of mu policies to my network co-ordinator so I am wondering whether to include it as ajoke :)

[jibberjitz]

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[TheBTeam]

My cheeks hurt from laughing, i think we need to revise the coughing bit in light of swine flu tho!

[Pipsqueak]

I have now printed and saved this policy....I need to send a copy of mu policies to my network co-ordinator so I am wondering whether to include it as ajoke :)

oh go on, be a devil and see if she notices lol
do tell us what she says:D

[huggableshelly]

lol I've emailed it out to cm friends and my grumpy grandmother who laughed so hard ... mum wasnt impressed as she wasnt on the loo at the time lmao

[Lady Haha]

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I loved this policy!!! Fantastic!!! I know that the majority of my parents will find it really funny too!

I especially loved the bit about needing permission to allow the child to breathe or cm wouldn't be able to let the child breathe which could be detrimental to their health:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[ORKSIE]

OMW I have read this thread and i did actuallyLOL:laughing: :laughing:

[Pipsqueak]

Time for its 6monthly revival bump:thumbsup:

[LittleMissSparkles]

Yes here it is ladies and gents..... the one and only

fabulous

Breathing Policy by the brilliant Pauline

If your child breathes I will ensure that the air around him/her is clean and free from dirt.

If your child arrives having breathed dirty air you will be required to sign an 'exisiting contamination form'

Children will be encouraged to breathe at all times

If your child refuses to breathe I will have to notify Ofsted and you must collect them immediately

I must ensure that all breathing meets the national standards, therefore we will practice breathing at all minutes of the day.

Please discuss breathing with your child and encourage them to breathe while in my care

Coughs will be considered acceptable forms of breathing, however you must sign a form to say that you will allow this

You must also sign a parental permission for that allows me to let your child breathe during his/her time in my care

This is my breathing procedure: in, out, in, out, in, out


Thank your for your understanding.
__________________



:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

bump up to top of thread xxx

[TheBTeam]

This is so funny and just the laugh I needed! thanks

[Pauline]

Time for its 6monthly revival bump:thumbsup:

Oh my, is it that time of year again? :laughing::laughing::laughing:

[Carol M]

We gotta be careful here, HEAVY BREATHING could that be a child protection issue ! ! ??
Carol:laughing:

[Twinkle]

This thread is soooo funny, my dd thinks I've lost the plot.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[francinejayne]

Very funny!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
As a newbie I might wait a while before I introduce this one, but I'll defo save it for a later date!
:thumbsup:

[MrsT333]

:laughing: :laughing:
love it!
thanks for that!!!

[SandCastles]

I haven't stopped laughing all night after reading this. I know it is an old post but us newbies need a laugh as well

[Pauline]

I haven't stopped laughing all night after reading this. I know it is an old post but us newbies need a laugh as well

Newbie?? according to your profile you joined in Aug 2008 :laughing::laughing:

If you are a newbie what does that make Angel? :laughing:;)

[SandCastles]

Newbie?? according to your profile you joined in Aug 2008 :laughing::laughing:

If you are a newbie what does that make Angel? :laughing:;)

I'm still finding my feet - so yes I consider myself a newbie and will probably say the same thing next year.:laughing:

[mamasheshe]

hope you've done risk assessment and do we have to do obs for breathing???????

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[sillysausage]

That is sooo funny, thank you. I may have to print it out with a nice border and laminate it.

[The Juggler]

I thought it was hilarious and i took it to my local cm drop in but no-one thought it was very funny - think they thought it was real......:panic: or maybe they just can't see the funny side of policies