Tears at pick up time

[Maza]

Have you ever had a mindee who just bursts into tears at home time?

Mindee is generally as happy as larry all day. He is always thrilled when he hears the doorbell at the end of the day and then as soon as he sees mummy he screams and then bursts into tears as if he has had the most awful day. I think it's just his release and relief that he can finally be with mummy, who he adores. Mum is initially concerned but then can see that he cheers up immediately and seems to know that it is just 'his thing'. It can't be nice for her though. I hope she does just know that it's his thing and doesn't think he is unsettled, because he really is settled. He comes in really happy each morning - dad drops him off and so I think he is also playing up to mum's emotions too a bit.

Any ideas on how I help him to be happier at pick up time?

[loocyloo]

I had one who cried when dad arrived and had to be peeled off me!

No advice .... LO just stopped after a few weeks.

Can you maybe 'warn' LO that mum will be here soon and get shoes on ready to go?

[Mouse]

How old is he Maza? Are you doing doorstep handovers or does mum come in?

My new mindee did something similar recently. On his first settling in visit he was doing really well until about 15 minutes before home time, when he started to get upset. He was really tired, so that didn't help. I read him a book and managed to distract him until his mum arrived, but the minute she walked through the door he burst out crying and threw himself into her arms. He was distraught and I felt awful, though mum didn't seem overly concerned.

Towards home time on his next visit he was tired again and started to get a bit grizzly, so I was expecting the same. About 10 minutes before his mum was due I got some bubbles out. I started blowing them and he loved it. He was laughing and jumping about popping them. When mum knocked at the door, I blew lots of bubbles into the room and dashed to the door. When she came into the playroom he was popping the last few & I quickly blew some more, so he laughed again and hardly noticed mum until they'd all gone.

It worked well. Mum saw him happy (she hadn't doubted he was happy, but I wanted her to see it) and he was busy when she arrived so was distracted. He didn't go to her until all the bubbles had gone and was babbling away to her happily. I was very relieved!

Next time he comes there will be other children here and mum won't come in. I might have to get her to stand on the doorstep blowing bubbles when I open the door :ROFL1:

[Maza]

Glad it worked itself out for you Mouse. It's doorstep handover.

Yesterday I tried being in the front garden already so that she could see him as she drove up, but he did the same. He gets a bit hyper once he has got rid of his tears and starts to push his boundaries whilst mum 'chats', so I don't think bubbles would work in this situation as it would prolong handover even more. Maybe I'm mean.

[Mouse]

You’re not mean at all! You just need a different tactic for your child.

In your situation I would speak to mum (beforehand, not on the doorstep) and explain how he’s very happy during the day, but is obviously struggling with the transition at home time. Tell her you have lots of tricks for helping him deal with transitions and the first one you’re going to try is an extra fast hand over. Have the child ready and the minute you open the door to mum, hand him over, say a very quick goodbye and shut the door. Tell her she needs to walk straight away with him. It means he won’t have time to go through the cycle of emotions that he’s displaying now and it might just break the habit.

I’ve done it before with children who start to play up at home time. I just explain to parent that some children struggle with the transition from childminder to parent, so we’re best to do it as fast as we can. I stress how I’m doing it to help them and their child. I always say we’ll do it as a trial to see how it works, but it always works best for everyone and we never do go back to long drawn out hand overs!

[Dragonfly]

I have one who cries when they come now after 6 months off at home with dad.