selective mutism

[chris goodyear]

Hi I hope someone can give me an idea on how to go forward with this. I have been minding for over 25 years and never come across this situation! I look after a little boy who is 3 and has been coming for 6 months now every morning 5 days a week term time only. I then take him to pre school every afternoon. The thing is he never speaks to me or my daughter (my assistant) but is happy to talk to the other children and seems quite happy to be here. He shows no emotion to us and is only himself with the other children, he doesn't even show any emotion to his mum when she comes just stares blankly. He doesn't seem to be able to process any commands we give him unless we spell it out, we can't just say 'can you go to the toilet now as we are going out' we have to break it right down into simple actions and even then it takes a time for him to understand and comply. I have children 18 months younger who are quicker off the mark if you see what I mean! Had real trouble toilet training him as he would never ask to use the toilet and would always say he didn't want to go (shake of the head) - then would have an accident but since starting back this week he's been fine with that and just takes himself off (doesn't wipe himself, flush or wash his hands without constant reminders). Mum says he never stops talking at home. He is a lovely little boy, looks gorgeous when he smiles but we hardly ever see this. He does suffer from some sort of night time epilepsy and takes daily medication but we have never had an incident. Anyway today we went to the park and I put him in a swing which he loved but as soon as a smile started to appear he controlled it and didn't let it happen! To me now this seems as though he is deliberately acting like this, not to be naughty but just to not want to be friendly with us which I find really strange. When he does talk to the other children it's really basic speaking - just words and not sentences and younger children than him are much more fluent. I'm wondering if his medication is making him like this?

[Simona]

Hi I hope someone can give me an idea on how to go forward with this. I have been minding for over 25 years and never come across this situation! I look after a little boy who is 3 and has been coming for 6 months now every morning 5 days a week term time only. I then take him to pre school every afternoon. The thing is he never speaks to me or my daughter (my assistant) but is happy to talk to the other children and seems quite happy to be here. He shows no emotion to us and is only himself with the other children, he doesn't even show any emotion to his mum when she comes just stares blankly. He doesn't seem to be able to process any commands we give him unless we spell it out, we can't just say 'can you go to the toilet now as we are going out' we have to break it right down into simple actions and even then it takes a time for him to understand and comply. I have children 18 months younger who are quicker off the mark if you see what I mean! Had real trouble toilet training him as he would never ask to use the toilet and would always say he didn't want to go (shake of the head) - then would have an accident but since starting back this week he's been fine with that and just takes himself off (doesn't wipe himself, flush or wash his hands without constant reminders). Mum says he never stops talking at home. He is a lovely little boy, looks gorgeous when he smiles but we hardly ever see this. He does suffer from some sort of night time epilepsy and takes daily medication but we have never had an incident. Anyway today we went to the park and I put him in a swing which he loved but as soon as a smile started to appear he controlled it and didn't let it happen! To me now this seems as though he is deliberately acting like this, not to be naughty but just to not want to be friendly with us which I find really strange. When he does talk to the other children it's really basic speaking - just words and not sentences and younger children than him are much more fluent. I'm wondering if his medication is making him like this?

When children have this sort of on going health problem and are on regular medication you should request the parents give you full details of his history and medication...side effects etc...all can be filed in his contract and confidential
Have you seen his Red book? the one the Health Visitor fills in...if may be a good idea

Having all details would also cover you if you had to call an ambulance because you must be able to tell them what medicine he is taking and why

I would ask the parents for a meeting ...you can call it a review...and tell them what you have observed....which you are probably recording anyway and work together but you must be fully informed and cover yourself for all eventualities

[Ripeberry]

My eldest daughter (12 years old) has been recently diagnosed as having 'Selective Mutism'. At home she talks non-stop, is very funny, has great ideas and is bossy. But at school, although she will talk to her friends and peers, as soon as a teacher asks her to do anything or asks a question, she can't speak and will even cry!
She doesn't know why she does it and has no idea why she is so scared. But to her, it feels as if she does speak, then terrible things will happen. So she clams up.
But the strange thing is, that some of the teachers came to our home and saw for themselves that she can talk and is very confident. But just NOT at school.

Have you tried visiting the mindee in his own home? I can assure you he isn't doing it consciously to be 'nasty'. Kids with this condition can be so gripped with fear that they are like robots.

[chris goodyear]

Thank you for your advice and yes I do have the name of his medication and mum has said it only happens when he is asleep at night and only very occasionally. She is as perplexed as me as to his refusal to speak when he is here and if he was withdrawn and not behaving 'normally' in every other way I would think he was just really unhappy at being here which is not the case. I think he is the same at pre school from what they have said there and we did have a breakthrough a couple of months back and he did start to talk to us but after about a month it all stopped. I'll see what mum thinks about a home visit from me and take it from there. Thanks.